Inside Point of View
by emeraldcarrot
Summary: We were once friends, best friends. He was the hero who always came to the rescue. Arthur never cared about what people thought of him, but I wanted everyone to like me; so much so that I broke our friendship. From the outside its easy: I was the popular kid who bullied that smart mouthed Brit. But from the inside it's far more complicated... High School AU...
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone.**

**This is a little story that I wrote for xXYoraXx . It was originally going to be a one-shot, but then I turned it into a two shot, and not it's like...I don't even know.**

**I know you wanted it to be kind of fluffy and sad, but I'm not sure If I can actually do fluffy, and I can't go sad without it being full on angst (sad no?) so I kind of approached it at a slightly different angle but I'm trying to preserve the original plot that you came up with!**

**I hope you like it! And I pray that everyone else enjoys it too!**

* * *

Laughter.

He could remember it well, the sweet, childish, giggles echoed through in his mind as the memories played on the walls around him, showcasing the lives of two children: playing, holding hands, singing, laughing...

Together. Always together.

His memories of their time together was the glow which kept him trudging though the vicious dark cavers, the light at the end of the tunnel of loneliness...

This was not the sweet, childish, laughter that defined his childhood however, it wasn't the precious moment shared with a loved one or something that would provide him with fond memories in old age.

No.

This laughter was different.

It was the horrible, tormenting , and it cut him through to the bone, haunted his nightmares and forced its way into his mind. The laughter broke him apart, leaving him hollow, shallow and empty.

They no longer laughed together. In fact, one no longer laughed at all, for he was the prey of the cruel chuckles and tormenting cackles...

Being the target of hate and abuse wasn't new to him however, it was routine; something to expect, and over the long years he simply came to stop caring. He stopped responding, stopped listening, and stopped allowing it to bother him...

However today, something inside of him...snapped. Something inside of him told him to do it, something inside of him wanted to turn the tides, something inside of him wanted to break his daily routine, something in him wanted to break Alfred F. Jones...

So he walked on, a slight smirk plastered on his face as he ignored the comments, the whispers, and the stares; none of it was worth his attention. No. He had but one thing on his mind as he marched into the wolves den, vicious hungry eyes ravishing him, judging him with every step he took forward.

Yet he did not back down, in fact an audience would make it a show.

He could not hear the remarks of the others, or feel the glaring eyes upon him.

The student council president only smiled as he came face to face with his rival.

The boy said something , causing all those around him to laugh, to laugh wildly at his expense, at him, however the blond could hear nothing more than the sound of his own beating heart as he took the paper from his folder and pushed the thing forward.

He stood waiting, waiting for Alfred to take it and gaze upon the enlarged picture that the photo sheet revealed, but he did not. After a moment of impatience he thrust it forward into the hands of the taller blond, smiling once more as the blue cerulean eyes became wide saucers behind his glasses.

Curious on lookers sneaking glances and making snide remarks.

"Perhaps you should consider being honest with yourself love"

With that said, Arthur turned away. A triumphed smirk plastered on his face as he did so.

He could not hear the gasps or the calls after him, he did not heed Alfred's heavy footsteps rapidly approaching him, it was only when his hand was taken, when he was spun around to meet the blue eyes of his former friend did the world seem to come back to him.

"How could you do this to me?"

The Briton was quiet for a moment, as if looking into the hurt filled eyes of the American boy somehow stripped away his words.

It was only after his own eyes narrowed into small green slits that he was able to speak once more, his reply was whispered as Alfred's eyes widened.

"Come now Alfred, surly it's something that everyone knew already..."

_"Come on Artie! It's not like it's something that everyone already didn't know!"_

He remembered those words. Those cruel, inconsiderate, selfish words from so long ago. They came back and stung him in the chest like a knife wrenching out his heart. His lips parted, but no intelligent meanings came out. He only stared at the acid eyed teen before him as a small smile curled his lips.

However, realization soon hit.

Arthur's eye began to widen as he finally realized what he'd done and what effects it may render.

A mixture of shock and horror overcame him as he lunged himself at the taller teen, taking his hands into his own.

"Alfred..." He began softly. He looked into the heartrending, dejected, concave eyes of the man before him as his own filled themselves with worry.

Yet could not help but think to what had gotten them to this point...

**Or perhaps that's only how it looked from the outside...**

* * *

**Hope you liked it!**

**Reviewing would be the icing on the cake for me!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Hetalia its characters not themes...**

* * *

_We'd once been friends._

_Best friends actually. _

_It was always 'Alfred and Arthur against the world!' (Or at least against the neighborhood troublemakers.)_

_He would always protect me, always come to my defense..._

_Whenever Francis bullied me, tormented me actually, he would come to my rescue and save me. He beat up Francis, Gilbert, Antonio, and anyone else who bothered me._

_He was there to wipe away my tears, to play with me and cheer me up. He'd even let me be the hero while playing pirates or knights._

_He probably doesn't know..._

_He'll probably never know..._

_He was, and will always be, my hero._

_Even now; walking throughout the school, not giving a damn about what people thought of him or what they said, ignoring the whispers, and laugher at his expense, ignoring the constant berating..._

_He was my idol._

_He could take whatever they threw at him._

_"Ah...Alright than. Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to inform me about myself, I'll be sure to work on those aspects in the future in order make myself more appealing to you love."_

_He would always leave them dumbfounded no matter what they did, no matter how they tried to hurt or embarrass him; he was untouchable._

_Always composed, always aloof, always so smug, so confident about himself..._

_Why couldn't I be like him?_

_Why couldn't I brush off the snide comments or cruel glares? Why did I care so much about what other people thought of me?_

_Arthur...why can't I be like you?_

...

It was another one of those days.

Those days when I didn't feel like doing anything. I didn't care about going to practice after school, or hanging out with my 'friends', talking to any of the girls, or going to school in general.

Two more weeks- wait, damn three weeks counting this one. There were only three weeks until winter break and I'd be free from the prison they call school...

I'd be free from this hard desk, my boring professors, the other students, and the pressure of being someone I hated...

Can you keep a secret?

I really don't hate school all that much. I like learning about science and going to art classes, but I hate the people.

I hate my football team.

I hate my so-called friends.

I really didn't like those annoying girls who couldn't cloth their bodies properly...

But mostly I hated the person I became the moment I stepped through those doors.

I didn't want to get up this morning, but if I didn't go I wouldn't see Arthur.

So bam. I'm staring, watching the clock tic away time and dictating my life by its own terms, deciding exactly where I was and what I'd be doing, giving me no say what so ever.

I felt as if my entire life was controlled by things outside of myself and it wasn't fair.

Time seemed to move unnaturally slow as I bounced in my seat waiting for the bell to ring. Passing period before lunch was the only time I really got to see Arthur, he didn't eat in the cafeteria, we didn't have class together, we weren't even on the same learning track! Arthur took all sorts of honors, advanced placement (AP), and gifted courses, and I stayed in the regular track, as boring as it was for me...

Arthur didn't care if people thought he was a nerd or didn't have a life.

I wanted everyone to like me but in the process I lost the one person I actually _wanted _to like me! Cliché right? But it's the truth.

I don't blame Arthur for hating my guts, I'd hate me too, especially after the _incident _in middle school...that's where everything started to go downhill for me without even realizing it. I became so preoccupied with fitting in and being popular that I ended up losing my best friend.

My life was nothing short of a cliché chick flick, but unlike the heroic male lead I wouldn't get the girl in the end. My love interest wouldn't run into my arms or kiss me in the rain, he wouldn't whisper 'never let go' as I sunk into the ocean because he actually _did _let me go... please. He'd probably beat me senseless for thinking such crazy things!

As pathetic as it sounds, stealing glances from across the hall was as good as it was gunna get for me...

Unless you couldn't already tell I'm totally gay for him-wait, that's not politically correct...

I'm in love with him.

I never really thought of myself as g- homosexual (is that right?) I liked girls, and Arthur was the only other boy I've felt this way about, actually, he's the _only_ person I've ever felt this way about and even though I like him, I'm just not sure what to call myself y'know? The whole sexuality thing is confusing.

When the bell rang, I was out the door faster than...something that goes really fast!

I fought my way through the crowds of people: girls screaming and hugging in the middle of the hallway (because that couldn't be done elsewhere) kissing couples, open lockers, homework tossed carelessly to the ground, everything, just so I could catch a glimpse of that unruly blond hair or adorably large eyebrows.

Damn...I really was sprung.

I couldn't stop the big goofy grin that came over me when I finally spotted him digging in his locker, looking at papers, and absentmindedly eating something from an open bag as he concentrated.

Unfortunately, just as he was about to bend over my enjoyment- I mean for his supplies, my view was obstructed by a few familiar faces. My friends (I really need to come up with a better name to describe these people.) I rolled my eyes and pouted.

I guess it was time to pick on Arthur again today.

It was a thing with them, trying to get under his skin, wanting him to lose control, bullying him because he was different...and I guess I'm the one to blame for it all...

I was no better than them, I mean I didn't encourage them teasing Arthur about his britishness, his 'no fun allowed' attitude, his eye brows, or his sexuality, but I never discouraged them either. I would laugh and joke right alongside them. So maybe I was encouraging them but what would I do?

What would they say if I stood up for him?

_Doesn't Arthur matter more?_

Would they accuse me of being gay too?

_They wouldn't be far off from the truth._

What kind of rumors would they start?

_You already know from firsthand experience._

Every day I struggled with it. I wanted to be accepted, I wanted to live an easy life but...I didn't give Arthur that chance.

Ever since that day, that day when I mouthed off to Gilbert trying to sound cool while he made fun of how much of a 'pansy' Arthur was all those years ago...

I should have stood up for him as he did for me. But I didn't.

"Yeah, I swear Arthur's totally gay for me, I mean he's-"

"kesesesese! Really? Little Artie plays for the other team huh? Should have known! The way he used to fawn over you as kids!" The German laughed. He wasn't the one who started it all however, picking on Arthur was just something to expect of him and Antonio. They were all kind of friends anyway...

But it was someone else, I still don't know who. Someone else who couldn't resist telling everyone what was said and soon the rumors started to spread...

The look on Arthurs face that day was something I would never forget. It was the first time I had ever seen him break down in tears.

"What the fuck Alfred! How could you do this to me!"

It didn't help that Arthur actually _was_ gay( or at least bisexual), and he trusted me enough to tell me.

Arthur never forgave me after that, and our friendship had strained but...it wasn't until high school that our relationship dropped completely.

I never meant to hurt him, it wasn't my idea, I had nothing to do with it, but of course he didn't believe me. Hell, I wouldn't have believed me.

I only wanted to talk, to catch up, to somehow fix what I had done somehow.

The first few days of high school seemed like the perfect time...

"Artie!" I remember being so happy to see him smile at me from down the hall, I think my heart skipped a beat.

"Hello Alfred."

"Hey! You goin' to lunch?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"C'mon dude, let's go together!"

"Oh...well, alright" He shut his locker and walked beside me. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I was talking to my best friend and laughing with him at the lunch table.

Arthur was doing good, the teasing he received in middle school seemed to have ceased and he tested into all of the advanced classes, (he admitted to taking the test to get away from 'insufferable gits' )

He figured that the students in the advanced classes wouldn't bother him.

"Artie...I'm really sorry for what happened in middle school...I'm such an idiot, I hate myself!" That moment had to be the most honest I had ever been in my entire high school career. Pathetic right?

"Hogwash Alfred, its water under the bridge please don't beat yourself up over it love." My heart. I knew I had a big goofy smile on my face by the way Arthur laughed and reached for my hand.

Thinking back on it, I could have died. Looking into Arthurs smiling face, into those big green eyes, as his thumb caressing my hand laying on the table, I could have died with that big cheesy grin on my face.

But I was grateful for life at that moment. Arthur was willing to bury the hatch between us, we could have became best friends again, and eventually something more...if those damn bastards didn't fuck shit up!

That moment, I had the perfect opportunity to lean in and heroically kiss my love interest across the table like some sort of romantic boss, I even recall leaning in slightly, but over my head a voice spoke.

"Fucking fag!"

And before either of us knew what was happening a plate of lasagna was sitting on Arthurs head, sauce dripping from his hair into his lap and down his back-In a different circumstance that might have been kind of sexy.

Then, the milk was smashed over his head.

I hate myself for what I did next; I chuckled.

I chuckled and ruined any chance of a relationship between us. As my 'friends' walked away laughing, Arthur glared at me.

"You ok Artie? Let's get you cleaned up-" I reached for a napkin only to have him slap away my hand.

"Dude-"

"What the fuck Alfred!" He yelled. "How could you do this to me!"

It hurt even more the second time around.

I didn't realize until he was halfway out of the cafeteria, all eyes on him, that he blamed me for what happened!

I told him I didn't have anything to do with it, but he told me that I shouldn't have laughed, that I was no better than them and that he didn't believe me, that it was much too convenient...

I knew there was no way Arthur would ever want a relationship with me after that, friendly or otherwise...

Even though I liked him, I never stopped my company (better word than friends) from bullying him. I stood and watched, and sometimes joined in the taunting. Just as I was right now, I just watched as Michel slapped Arthurs folder from his hands and shouted something obscene toward him.

I didn't know what it was but it made the other three laugh. They were such cowards. They never did anything alone, they always wanted to intimidate Arthur, who remained unfazed regardless of what they did.

Right now, I knew he was telling each of them off in a way that only he could do...

I watched him wave his hand dismissingly at them before turning around, and momentarily looking in my direction. When did I get so close? I swear I was not this close to his locker a few seconds ago! But now I stood staring like an idiot, an arm and a leg away from him. I saw his eyes narrow before turning around completely, ignoring the way the others tried to instigate him into reacting.

Arthur only organized his fallen papers once more and shut his locker, walking away with all the dignity of a true gentlemen.

However, something was wrong. I wanted to yell out to him but I couldn't bring myself to warn him as one of the four, Chris, shoved him, sending his shoulder smashing into the row of lockers and nearly making him loose his balance.

There was no way I would let them get physical with my Arthur!

"Hey!" I conjured my best hero voice and dashed into the scene, cutting off their path to Arthur, whose eye's I could feel on by back.

Ok. I had to make this a good one.

"What's up Alfred?" Michel, the tallest of out the bunch asked me sounding disgusted that I would protect a 'homo' like Arthur.

He raised his eyebrow at me, waiting for some sort of explanation of what I was doing.

If I defended Arthur, he would at least thank me, and we'd be on the right track...

"I-I, Mr. Mayer was coming down the hall," I couldn't do it. "This fag isn't worth it, c'mon let's just go eat." I think I was sick; word vomit just kept spewing from my mouth no matter how I tried to stop it.

I heard Arthur scoff and I knew it was too late. He turned and walked away. I could hear his footsteps fade down the hall.

"Good looking out Al," My friends laughed and called after Arthur, making loud threats and saying the most obscene things that I could only laugh at...

I could never be a hero...

I wanted to fit in with the civilians way too much...

...

The absolute nerve of people! I can't have a fucking moment to myself without idiots surrounding me!

Alright... calm down Arthur. Excuse my language, I'm normally much more dignified. However sometimes you just do not want to be bothered with intolerance! I had my hands full trying to track down a new student who needed a proper greeting! It was already fifth period and I could find heads nor tail of him, this...Francis Bonnefoy...I swear that bloody name is awfully familiar, but unfortunately I had no face to put to the name.

I shuffled through my papers as I walked down the hall away from the stupidity of Alfred and his clique of stereotypical jock friends...for a school which prides itself on its vast international population, the students acted very much like characters in an American movie...ugh.

As I was, I needed to straighten my papers so I could locate the gits schedule once more, although I was confident that this was his lunch period.

Great. I needed to go into that wretched cafeteria. I made it a point never to step foot into that part of the building after that day freshman year...

I stopped, having dropped one of my papers and stooped down the pick it up.

"Arthur? Is that you down there?"

A thick French accent spoke to me. The sudden image of a frog came to mind...

From my kneeling position on the floor I looked up, forced to take in the overwhelming Frenchness of this man: the wavy blond hair, the blue eyes, the chin stubble...

Fuck.

I should have known.

"Francis?"

"Mon Dieu! It is you! Those eyebrows are a dead giveaway!" He gave me a cheeky smile that I could only scowl at.

"Still as froggy as ever I see"

"That's no way for the student council president to greet the new student, I'm hurt mon petit agneau"

"It is if its someone as-did you just call me a sheep?" Why no earth did I even take those French classes? Francis will definite poke fun at the fact that I knew so much about it...

"A lamb to be more precise." He grinned.

"What do you want snail breath?" I growled.

"Can I not come and say hello to mon chenille?" He was just fucking with me now. Damn it,

"I am not your caterpillar! And considering who you are. No"

"I'm hurt Arthur! After all, I fancied you quite some bit during our younger years." He dramatized.

"I bet you did..." All things considered, our conversation was quite civil. It was nothing like our childhood when I violently beat him every opportunity I had, or how he would do unspeakably horrid things to me-oh goodness perhaps he actually did hold adolescent feelings for me! He picked at me just as a small boy would do to the girl he liked! The mere thought made my skin crawl.

"It's true! But you were always so protective of that fat assed American kid, Alvin."

"Alfred." I could not hold in a small chuckle at the misinterpretation of his name.

"Ah yes. What happened to him anyway?"

"He lost the weight...the two of us aren't exactly on friendly terms anymore" I informed, only to receive a loud, over dramatic gasp.

"You must tell big brother all about it! Come, let's do lunch!" He forced me into an arm link and began to drag me down the hall, an overwhelming urge to push him to the ground was held back as I merely struggled from his death grip.

"What on earth are you doing! For all you know I could be headed to a class!" Although passing period had long ended there were still many students who roamed the halls late-it was a convincing story.

"Because _this_ say's you're due for lunch this period Monsieur le President"

He held up my school schedule, a smug look on his face. I had no reply. How did he-That's right. I was supposed to be the 'support' for new students of course he would have my schedule.

The fact that I was class president was nothing but a sick joke to everyone, 'let's nominate Arthur and see how many votes he won't get.' So childish. However, I did get votes. I had the most votes and won the presidency despite the fact that I knew everyone who voted had the same idea. 'I'll vote Arthur out of sympathy' or something like that. I wasn't supposed to have been in the running because I wasn't a senior student at the time however due to lack of interest in the position I was allowed to run.

Due to the immensely popular events I planned, I was voted in again. Isn't that lovely?

I rolled my eyes, both at Francis and at my memory.

"Now come! You, Antonio and Gilbert are the only people I know in this school, and you and Antonio are the only ones who share my lunch period." Taking my arm once more, Francis pulled me into the lunch room where we were bombarded with strange looks.

Why wouldn't you want to stare at your 'boring, uptight, queer' student council president as he walked in the room on the arm of some strange long haired Frenchmen? That was sarcasm by the way.

Did these students have nothing better to do?

"Francis everyone's staring at us, do you mind!" I growled.

"Then let them stare mon ami." He grinned. Sending friendly looks at tables of on lookers, blowing kisses to the ones who met his with disdain.

"Fags!"

"What rude people...now, where is Antonio..." He looked around for a bit before spotting the waving hand of a Spaniard across the room.

Obviously those two kept in touch over the years. Francis nearly jumped for joy as ran towards the table, pulling me behind begrudgingly. I didn't want to be there. I hated this room and I hated the people in it.

Normally I ate by myself in the student council room or in the library with that nice boy from my class, Kiku.

Being surrounded by a large group of people was never my idea of fun.

"Antonio!" Having finally let me go, he flew into the arms of the Spaniard earning a near squeal from a lovely young woman with long brown hair, Elizabeta, I knew from my classes. She watched with a little too much interest as they held each other, staring into each other's eyes and...sparkling.

The moment was put to an end when a fork lodged itself in Antonio's brown hair, forcing him to turn around and meet a spoon in the face.

"L-Lovi no! Stop! It's not what you think!"

"W-whatever bastard! I don't care what you do behind closed doors! Fucking Jerk!"  
Before the Italian, with a strangest curl sticking out the side of his head might I add, had the chance to finish yelling, Francis cut him off by cupping his hand between his own.

"You must be that wonderful tomate that Antonio speaks about so fondly!"

Lovino could not help but turn red before pushing Francis off of him.

"S-Shut up! Who the hell are you!?"

"Je suis Francis, it's a pleasure to meet you." He winked. Damn frog. Hasn't been here a day and he's already flirting with everyone he sees, what is wrong with him?

"Pull up a seat Francis!" Antonio encouraged. "Oh, hey Arthur!" He smiled at me. "Come on, join us!"

Before I got the chance to protest, I was literally pushed into a seat by Francis between Elizabeta and Lovino. I knew practically everyone at the table, the group was small, so the table was seated comfortably with the new additions (as in Francis and I), Antonio, Lovino, and Elizabata were alone. There was an empty seat I observed, probably for a friend still waiting in line.

I refrained from talking as Antonio introduced everyone to Francis and Francis to them, and it was awkward to say the least...

Especially when Feliks, a polish boy, came walked by and Francis began bonding with him over hair care products, as he occasionally waved to a boy at another table, Toris, who he eventually pranced, literary, over too.

It only became more so when Lovino smashed a cupcake into Antonio's mouth after the latter tried to feed it to him.

"What brings you to our table Arthur?" Antonio smiled, having ate the small cake. I couldn't help but notice how nice his smile was. He'd grown a lot nicer over the years, I didn't even want to punch him in the face anymore...take that anyway you want. (Come to think of it, as a child I fought a lot of people...Antonio probably the most next to Francis of course...)

"Francis" I rolled my eyes.

"I only wanted to know what happened between you and Elfred!"

"Alfred" I corrected once more with a roll my eyes.

"Whatever!"

"Oh yeah, you two did used to be friends..." Antonio tapped his chin, and looked up toward the ceiling.

I rolled my eyes once more. It wasn't something that I wanted to think about...

"Have you seen Alfred yet Francis?" Antonio changed the subject...kind of.

"No I haven't! Why? Did he have a drastic change?"

"You could say so...he's over there" Antonio pointed his finger as the bell rung and Francis turned.

"Him with the glasses?"  
"mhmmm" Everyone began to gather their things and toss out trays. I merely crumbled my brown paper bag and tossed it into the nearest can.

My plan was to leave, to escape the room with my dignity still intact ...unlike the last time.

However Francis took me by the arm once more, holding me in place as he spoke with Antonio.

"We're still meeting the library after school right?" Francis asked. Antonio nodded. "Lovely! Arthur's coming as well!"

"W-What!"

"Great!" He smiled. Well...that smile seemed like a permanent part of his face, so it only got bigger. " "See you guys later!" He waved goodbye and ran to watch up to Lovino.

I wanted to push Francis, however he had me in his death grip.

"What was that about? You can't just invite me to-"

"Antonio told me." The sudden shift to seriousness took me by surprise, Francis gave me a stone face look before continuing. "What happened a year after I moved away...after a certain American spread all those nasty rumors about, well...you know." Francis frowned, which I didn't think was possible. I felt him pulled me closer, hug me tighter and my cheeks flush, a natural reaction to sudden closeness I assure you. "He told me that he and Gilbert tried to befriend you on multiple accounts however you only push everyone away..." He looked me in the eye when he spoke to me, and although I tried to hold his gaze, my eyes drifted to the side and I shuffled uncomfortably.

I didn't want to have this conversation, especially with him! We were never really friends, why did he care?

"Now you have no friends, and Alfred bullies you relentlessly..."

I didn't say anything. What could I say? Why was Antonio updating him about me? Unless of course Francis asked about everyone which I was sure he did.

"You're due for some friend's Arthur...you know Antonio won't judge you, after all he has his eyes set on that feisty Italian, and Gilbert is a changed man since Ludwig came out the closet, all their friends are nice. So you're coming with me, it'll do you some good. There's power in numbers my friend. " He suddenly perked up again and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not agreeing to anything Frog! And for your information I happen to have a lot of work to do!"

He brushed me off...whatever.

"Now, let's go visit Alfred!"

"No." My lack of a response itself should have been enough to inform him that I was serious about not seeing him, however Francis whisked me away, telling me that it would be worth it...

I wasn't sure about what that meant or why he had that devilish grin plastered across his face and I'd be lying if I were to say that I wasn't a bit curious...

We waited until Alfred was alone, without his friends around him before Francis sauntered to him, still pulling me along.

When Alfred looked up, well, he looked rather hurt...

...

"Hello Alfred! Long time no see!"

I couldn't believe what I was seeing! It was Francis. My childhood tormentor. The person responsible for my summer therapy at fat camp!

What was he doing here?

What was he doing here with Arthur?

I looked at them really shocked and confused. I just couldn't wrap my brain around it.

Not only was my past back to haunt me, but it had my Arthur in its hold! They looked like...a couple.

"Uh...hey..." I said slowly, trying not to make my jealousy obvious...

I wanted to break his arm in two.

"I knew it was you the moment I saw you! You haven't changed one bit mon petit cochon!"

...What?

By the reaction that Arthur made, whatever he said must have been pretty funny. He looked like he was trying not to laugh. Man he looked so cute. No. Focus!

Before I got the chance to speak, Francis smiled. It wasn't a friendly smile, it was that I smile I was used too, the same smile he gave me every time before he began to tease me.

"Arthur, you little liar, I thought you said Alfred dropped all that weight and looked completely different!" Francis turned to Arthur who didn't reply with words, only gave him slight gap before turning back to me. "But he hasn't changed on bit! Thank Goodness. I was worried that five years would change everything. Good to know what some people don't change eh?"

Wait...was he...was he calling me fat?

"It was very nice to see you. Arthur's taking me to my next class," he reached out and pinched my cheek before finishing, "let's do lunch... unless of course you think you can skip a few meals." He laughed. "I'm kidding of course, don't ever change piglet." He gave me a wink and began walking away with Arthur.

I really didn't know what the hell to say or do but once they were gone I looked down at the candy bar that I was saving for later and slammed it down into the garbage.

I wasn't fat...

Not anymore...

Was I?

* * *

Francis...what am I going to do with you?

Alfred...I feel no sympathy toward you...

**I hope you liked it and it wasn't confusing for anyone! Would you like it better if I clearly stated which point of view the story shifted to?**

**Please let me know how I could do better!**


	3. Chapter 3

**So. Somehow I was able to make everyone hate Alfred...**

**Lovely.**

** Everything appears to be on track and according to plan so we can get on with the story. :)**

**I do not own Hetalia its characters nor themes.**

* * *

For the third time this week I opened my locker and found a piece of food hiding in there, usually I would have jumped for joy (I really love cupcakes) but lately I've been trying to watch what I eat.

I know that there's a lot of reasons why Arthur wouldn't like me, but if I got rid of one of them (my weight) than maybe my chances with him would increase.

That's what I try to keep telling myself.

Arthur hates me and I don't blame him for it. Why wouldn't he? I've been horrible to him over the past few years and I've given him no reason to even tolerate me let alone remotely like me.

Y'know, there's this rumor going around that Arthur and Francey-Pants are dating, and judging by the way I see them together all the time it's probably true.

Fuck my life!

I can't believe that Arthur would date someone as mean as Francis! I-I mean I know that I can't really talk all things considered but still! I know he could do better! Much better than Francis!

Francis is horrible and I know its him putting food in my locker and it actually kinda hurts my pride.

This time it was a cupcake, a pink one with little eyes and a pig nose on it.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to find out that this was Francis's doing.

I went home and called Mattie about that word he called me last Thursday, Mattie's my little brother (real name Matthew), he's really nice and he knows a lot of French because when our parents got divorced dad took him back to Canada to live and that's the second language of that country or something.

Anyway, I stayed with mom in America, and a few years go Dad moved back here so my brother and I could get to know each other.

Mattie's really nice and we look just alike but he's quiet and no one really notices him. The girls think he's just a quiet version of me and say he's cute and all but Mattie's shy and never really thought about dating anyone, not that I blame him, these girls are pretty shallow and weird.

Anyway, I asked him and he says that "mon petit cochon" means "my little pig" or something like that.

Ever since then I would open my locker and find food in it. Monday it was a melted piece of chocolate, Wednesday it was a bag of jelly beans and today it's a cupcake. I guess it's too much to do it every day so every other one would have to work for them...

I know it sounds silly but it really does hurt.

It's like he knows I really want to eat it but if I do than I'll just be proving him right, that I'm just a pig y'know? But if I don't, not only will I feel bad about wasting food but I feel like Francis would jump out at me and be all, "What? Are you trying to lose weight now?" or something.

I looked in the mirror the other day and realized that I got really pudgy and gross looking, I started freaking out and decided to start borrowing my brothers hoodies so I could hide it from everyone else.

For a whole week that's all I've been wearing and I must admit they're pretty warm and comfortable.

What hurts the most I guess is the fact that I know Arthur is in on it. How else would Francis get into my locker? Arthur was the president of our class and I knew he had access to all sorts of information about the students.

Yeah I know that this is what I deserve and that you guys don't have any sympathy for me or anything, I shouldn't be complaining because I bullied Arthur so much in the past and it's only right that he get back at me but...

Man I don't know! It just hurts a lot!

This blows.

There's lots of reasons why Arthur would want to be with Francis: he's older than me, thinner than me, more French than I am, and above all he's nice to Arthur.

Between the two of us there's no contest. I should stop pinning after him and move on. I know there will never be anything between us and I'm just fooling myself if I ever think there will be but...

For some reason I just find it hard not to think about him. I can't keep those big green eyes, his messy blond hair, this pasty skin or enormous eyebrows out of my dreams.

Did you know that Arthur wears glasses when he reads? Man. I saw him in them a few months ago with and damn did he look good! I don't really like my glasses all too much but on Arthur they look amazing...

I bet he'd look good in nothing but...

Ugh! I need to stop thinking of him! It'll only make everything more difficult for me in the end.

I sighed and took the cupcake out of my locker. I really couldn't eat it even if I wanted to.

My 'friends' asked me earlier if I was coming to breakfast but I said no. I really didn't want to eat anything even though I didn't eat at home this morning and could hear my stomach growling.

But damn this cupcake looked really good! It's not melting or anything! How long has it been in here? Couldn't be more than a night...

I'm not sure how long I just stood there holding that stupid cupcake but after someone tapped my shoulder I tossed it in the garbage can before turning around.

Please don't be Francis...

I turned around and did a mini dance in my head. There is a God! Thanks for having my back man! Oh hey, do you think you can make it so Arthur dumps Francis and gets with me? That'll be great! Wait no! I'm not supposed to be thinking of him!

"Hey Mattie!"

"Hey Al." He whispered. (Everything he says is like a whisper to me to be honest.) "I'm still coming to your house today right?"

"Yeah, Mom says she'll be home early to cook something special tonight for you too!" He smiled. Mattie is the best brother in the world but even he doesn't know about my crush on Arthur, it's hard for me to talk about, like...

How do you tell someone that you're gay? What will they say? It's a really scary thought to be honest with you and I don't know what anyone will do when they find out! Especially when you consider how I've been acting. I'm just really scared of anyone finding out and treating me different but...I want to be with Arthur. Why can't things just be easy?

"Alright. But I have a club meeting after school today..."

I stopped listening. Sorry Mattie, I'm trying to pay attention I really am but I couldn't help what my brain chooses to pay attention too!

Arthur was coming down the hallway and for once I didn't see Francis with him!

He was walking toward my locker and he looked perfect in his red trench coat, he must have got to school later than usual due to the snow or something because I never say him walking in so late before and it was coming down pretty hard.

But damn did Arthur look cute! His nose was as red as his coat and he still had his black gloves on, his boots squeaked against the floor, and his earmuffs swung loosely in his hands as he marched by. Little pieces of snow brushed off him as he walked and dropped down in the hall.

He was an angel, a perfect snow angel!

But he didn't know that. It was obvious the way he kept his eyes turned down when he walked that Arthur didn't know how beautiful he was. Is it weird to call him beautiful? I mean he is but I guess I'll settle for handsome, I don't think he would like being called beautiful.

Arthur was too attractive not to know that he was.

I wish I could just let him know that I thought that without freaking him out or anything, I just want to make him feel like he's the most special person on this earth because he is to me...

"Al!" I felt Mattie tap me again.

"Huh?"

"Did you hear anything I said?"

"Um..."

"Never mind Al, I'll just be in the library afterschool. You have a science club meeting right? You can just find me when it's over..."

Yeah, you heard right. I'm a member of the science and engineering club at school. I know it's pretty nerdy but I really love science but a lot but most people don't know. Just like no one really knows that I'm pretty much a scientific genius. I score really high on all my tests and gained early admission to this school in Illinois. They said if I major in physics they'll give me my education free! Is that cool or what? I got some pretty sweet deals from other places too.

"Yeah ok I can do that."

I really liked my club and I had the nicest friends there who I never really get to see much during school for whatever reason. I wish I could just hang with them and nerd out all the time but...

I'm such a loser I that I can't even hang on to friends I want. I sighed.

Waiting for today to end was going to be hard, I just knew it...

...

It's only even been a week since Francis transferred to school, but the rumors spread like wildfire.

The rumor that Francis and I were actually dating one another.

I blame that damn French frog for this! If he were not so keen on clinging to me as I walked and stalking me everywhere I went this would not be happening to me! It's rather embarrassing.

The mere thought of me dating anyone was something to laugh at, who would want to date me? I really don't have many redeeming qualities about myself: I'm short (well maybe not so. Francis is the same height as me after all), my hair is a mess, I'm pasty, perpetually angry, I'm boring and apparently have a large stick shoved up my arse.

And I won't even get started on these brows of mine. Ugh.

No one would want to be with me, and besides I'm _not_ looking for anyone to be with so all is fair.

Admittedly , since Francis came into my life school has been easier to deal with: because he was always around the attempts at bullying decreased, due to the rule that every student must involve themselves in at least one extracurricular activity he joined the student council and is actually more useful than the others, and I must admit that, although he is disgusting and vile, he may not be _too_ much of a horrible person to deal with.

However he will never hear that from me! But I could never think of him as anything else than a friend. Right?

W-Wait did I just admit that I thought him my friend? Forget that I ever said such nonsense!

However lately everything has been going well for me and I suppose his arrival at school has a direct correlation to it and I must be grateful for that at least. Even though I cannot bring myself to agree with many of the things Francis deems 'fun.'

For example, prior to today he convinced me to purchase twelve pink frosted cupcakes. While eleven of those ended up being passed along to his friends and associates, the other was used for less conventional means...

Aside from any of that, I arrived at school later than usual. My brother had gotten himself drunk of his rocker last night and was unable drive me to school as he promised he would. Why do college students feel that need to party so much? Even while on vacation? I will never understand.

I missed the bus after being forced to get my younger brother ready and thus had to walk to school in the snow. I didn't mind at all honestly, I hate taking the bus and it wasn't all that necessary for me to take anyway, I didn't live that much further than those who had to walk, it was only an extra quarter mile which deemed me far enough to be bussed and I did not mind walking at all, what I _did_ mind however is the fact that I had no time to pack a lunch today and I would have to stomach the schools crap.

I have a bit of a problem with food you see and its rather embarrassing.

I always bring a lunch with me because I find it easier to stomach than cafeteria food, I must also be weary of restaurants as well as many other processed foods, although I cannot be certain, home cooked meals typically settle better with me.

More often than not my meals, as you might say, 'run right through me' it's rather disgusting so let's drop the subject shall we?

Anyway, I have medications to help my problem but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

As I walked into the school I was surprised by the lack of name calling and also by the lack of Francis, not that I actually wanted to see him or anything.

I took off my coat and brushed off some of the excess snow and began to gather my things for my first few classes...

This was rather relaxing. I could probably get use to this. As long as I didn't stress myself during the day I probably shouldn't have any problems at all...

I gathered my things and after a few moments I continued my venture into the halls of the jail I call school. Contrary to popular belief I really don't like school, or rather I dislike the people in school. I am forced to put up with the most unbelievable of idiots and learn subjects that I will never use, such as chemistry, or things that I dislike, such as chemistry and are a waste of time, such as chemistry. Have I mentioned that I particularly dislike chemistry?

I shuttered at the mere thought.

Each of my other classes go well for me, I love English and literature, history is also nice, math is alright but nothing is as dreaded to me than chemistry. It's not that I hate science, Biology was interesting and I can understand physics well enough but chemistry...I simply do not understand it. I felt myself dreading seventh period and could feel the stomach ache brewing inside of me already as I recalled the hours spent working on ten problems from the book last night.

I need to focus on something else...

I continued walking and spotted a familiar face down the hall.

I felt myself relax as he smiled and gave a slight wave directed at me.

"Hello Kiku." I greeted him by his locker. Kiku, as I recall stating before, was a very quiet Japanese boy whom I spoke casually with, we had several classes together, and occasionally ate together, he didn't have any family with him in America and lived in a boarding house like arrangement with a few others.  
"Hello Arthur-san" He smiled. "You haven't been coming to the library for lunch lately."

As I'm sure I noted before, I would eat my lunch with Kiku in the library. He did so because he did not like large crowds and I because there was really no place else to go. "Yes, I'm sorry about that. Lately I've been rather...busy." I sighed. Francis would always drag me away toward the cafeteria whenever I tried to sneak away.

I hadn't realized that lunch with Kiku happened so often, if not daily, that he would realize that I've been missing for a week.

"No it is alright." He took out his world history text book. History was our first period class.

Kiku was a nice lad and he was much shier than I was so it was easy to talk to him. I hadn't realized how much I enjoyed our little conversations until now however.

Considering that my new found friends are all either idiots or loud mouths, speaking to Kiku was a much welcomed change.

"I was heading to first period, if you're ready to go than perhaps we can go together?"

"Hai. Let us go." Kiku closed his locker and we descended down the hallway chatting idly as we did so.

Nothing special occurred during the day, we had a chance at extra credit if we go to the museum on free day this weekend, chemistry was kicking my arse again, and I discovered that Francis was absent which explained the sudden peace in my life. I didn't exactly feel too comfortable eating with the others without Francis there with me however.

What if they only hung out with me because I was always with Francis? At this point we were a two package deal and I didn't want to intrude on them if I wasn't wanted.

Honestly, I'm not sure that I knew how to approach them.

Normally Francis would just drag me everywhere and I had no need to worry about it, but because he was not here to do so everything felt awkward and strange.

Would it be alright for me to just go in there alone?

Perhaps I over thought everything but I couldn't really help it, I mean who would want spend time with the grumpy student council president? No matter how many times I tried to talk myself into it I couldn't bring myself to go up to any of them without Francis. I didn't know what to say or how to act and something in the back of my mind kept telling me that I shouldn't.

I saw Antonio wave at me in the hallway and that little voice told me to nod and keep walking. Gilbert was talking to his brother, Ludwig, near my locker and the voice said not to stop and chat because I really had no need to. Those were Francis's friends, not mine. They only put up with me because of him...

So before lunch I met Kiku near his locker and we ate in the council room. Kiku saw that I had no food and shared what he had and it was quite good, delicious actually. It didn't give me stomach problems so I was extremely grateful.

My day went off without any issues past that.

After school I didn't have any meetings and despite that fact that I knew Antonio, Gilbert and the others would probably be in the library I decided to go home, they wouldn't want me there anyway and it's not like I even wanted to go...right?

Kiku had his science club meeting and we parted ways after a brief discussion of weekend plans. As it turns out, Kiku wouldn't be doing much either.

"Arthur-san, would you perhaps want to visit the history museum during the weekend for our extra credit assignment?"

I was silent for a moment, I didn't really know how to respond I mean it isn't often that people ask me to hang out with them so you could imagine my surprise. My silence seemed to concern Kiku so as an afterthought he added, "I understand if you would not want to do it Arthur-san!"

"N-no!" That didn't sound desperate at all. "I'm sorry Kiku, of course I would like to go I-I mean extra credit is always nice and finals are coming..." I'm not sure why I felt the need to tag the final part on. Perhaps it was to convince myself that going was in my best interest...

"Thank you Arthur-san."

"Of course, w-we can work on a time later. I know you have your club to get to and I won't hold you here any longer."

"Hai. I will message you later about it than. Good bye Arthur-san." He gave a slight bow before smiling and turning to leave.

"Good bye."

I smiled to myself, however soon after I began to feel dreadful. Did I really want to go to the museum with Kiku? Of course I did!  
But what if it's awkward?

What if he invited more than one person and I end up being left out?

What if I start having stomach trouble?

What sort of excuse could I make to get out of it? Baby sit? Sickness?

I had to force those thoughts out of my mind and try my best to look on the bright side of things for once. I knww it was going to be awkward but I _wanted_ to spend time with Kiku, he was a nice boy and because he was shier than I was I know he would probably feel similar, so as long as he still wanted to go then I would not sabotage myself as I usually did.

I nodded to myself and with that, began out the door...

...

Finally this stupid day has ended! I'm happy to report that nothing bad happened! No one bullied Arthur, Arthur wasn't with Francis, and I was free to stare at him all I wanted! But Arthur didn't come to the cafeteria today. I was starting to get used to him being there but he wasn't. Then again neither was Francis but I didn't care about him. I'm glad I didn't see him today because now I could start my weekend off on a happy note!

I did notice that Arthur spent time talking to Kiku.

Y'see, I know Kiku because he's a member of the science club and he's kind of like our secret weapon when we get to the technology stuff, he's also really good at drawing and lets me borrow his video games sometimes. Kiku's great and I consider him as my friend even if we only get to talk during club meetings, competitions and over the internet and stuff.

We don't have any classes together and he usually disappears during lunch and it's actually pretty freaky how I never see him in the halls...of course I'm usually on the lookout for Arthur but still...

Anyway, I would have to ask Kiku about him and Arthur when he came to the meeting.

Don't get me wrong, my day in no shape or form revolves around Arthur...ok so maybe it does but that's not weird is it? I mean I try not to think about him but when I see him all alone and unhappy I just want to hold him and let him know how great he is...

Arthur, why must you be so perfect? I can't get you out of my mind!

I thought I got to the physics classroom pretty early but when I did Ludwig was already there (which shouldn't be that much of a surprise to me...) with his boyfriend Feliciano (who isn't really a part of the club but often comes here to hang out with Ludwig before running off to his cooking club.)

"Hi Alfred!" Feliciano was really nice, he was always happy and cheerful and made friends easily. We met while searching for a book titled, "The Atmosphere," freshman year. We were both told to read it but we could never find it.

I didn't know that he was friends with Ludwig until later.

I met Ludwig when I was younger, he's Gilbert's little brother but isn't anything like him. He's serious and is pretty much the opposite of his boyfriend but he's really cool and is a great engineer (would it be wrong if I said it was due to his being German?)

"Hey!" I greeted Feliciano (dude, Ima just call him Feli cuz...his name...)who immediately he skipped over to me with a tupperware case full of star shaped cookies and smiled.

"We made cookies in home economics today! Try some!" I wanted to smile and say 'thanks dude!' but I couldn't. Feli made the best tasting food ever but I couldn't eat them, I needed to control myself so I could eat better and lose weight.

"No thanks dude, I'm still kinda full from lunch." I lied. But he seemed to understand and nodded sadly before going back to Ludwig who gave me a nod of acknowledgement.

Also in the room was Tino, he was a really nice Finnish dude who was just really good at science over all.*

Eventually, everyone else came. Our club isn't that big but everyone in it is really good at what they do so it all pretty much works out. When Kiku came I pretty much jumped him at the door.

"A-Alfred-kun please!" He pushed me away. I know he didn't mean it to be rude, he just really likes personal space.

"Sorry Kiku! There's just something I really need to ask you!"

"Ah. What do you need?"

I shuffled. Man, how was I going to ask him about Arthur without sounding like creep? 'I saw you walking with Arthur today? Are you two friends?' That can only come off one of two ways. Jealous or creeper. And I wasn't fond of any of them.

"Is there something troubling you Alfred-kun?"

I really like Arthur Kirkland and I think we were meant for each other!

"W-well...I saw you walking around with Arthur today. Y-Y'know Arthur Kirkland..?"

"Hai. What about him?"

"I was just wondering if you two were friends-not that there's anything wrong with Arthur, he's a really cool guy! I-I just always see him alone and I thought 'hey cool, Kiku and Arthur are friends now he won't be grumpy and alone all the time' and I just think that that's cool!" Word vomit just comes out my mouth and I can't stop it! I just sat and rambled on and on to Kiku and probably sounded like a total idiot.

"I see..." Kiku finally said. "I suppose you could call Arthur-san and I friends of sorts..."

"Cool beans! So is Arthur dating Francis?" Damnit! There it is again!

"I've heard the rumor however he never confirmed it himself..."

"That's great!" Kiku gave me a slight look and I tried to ignore the awkwardness. "I-I mean that it's great that um..."

"Alfred-Kun..." Kiku began slowly. "Why do you ask about Arthur-san?"

"No reason..."

"I see...perhaps we should set up our worker station."

"Yeah that's a good idea." Me and Kiku went to an empty lab table and began setting up the things that we needed for today. It wasn't anything special just a continuation of our project from our last meeting. Kiku and I were partners and we were making these really cool little cars from mousetraps. They were supposed to have little engines and stuff on them but we didn't get that far.

Our advisor eventually came and she talked to us about our schedule for next semester and what we could do over winter break and all that jazz. I was really excited for our break but at the same time that meant I couldn't see Arthur and that sucked.

I asked Kiku about his day and I think he noticed how I would get really interested at the parts where he talked about Arthur because he got his weird look in his eye that I've never seen before.

It was a little while after we ran out of things to say that Kiku pretty much popped the question.

"Excuse me for asking Alfred-kun, but do you perchance _like _Arthur-san?"

I froze. I froze and I swear I started shaking. How the hell did he know? Was it obvious? Did everyone know? Did Arthur know? Was I screwed? What would I do? No one knew I liked boys! What would my mom say?

I wasn't even sure myself what I was! How could I explain to her that I didn't think I was gay but I liked a boy?

"H-How did you know?" I bit my lip and looked up at him. Yeah, that look in his eyes was back.

"It was a guess really, I assure you that it isn't very obvious but the way you asked about him tipped me off..." He smiled.

I didn't know what to say, my body could only respond with a quiet 'oh' sound before looking down at the ground.

I could hear Kiku rustle around his bag and pull out a notebook, from the corner my eye I could make out the words 'ship' 'BL' and 'OTP' before putting it away.

"So...what do you think I should do?" I asked him. Kiku thought for a moment before responding.

"You should tell Arthur-san how you feel about him..."

"N-no way! He hates me Kiku..."

"Why?"

I sighed and told him that I'd rather not talk about it, but he pressed me for the information. I never really saw Kiku as the type to be interested in other peoples personal lives. Maybe's it's because we're friends that he cares?

"Well...Arthur and I used to be friends but I made a really big mistake, and it caused everyone to look at him differently. Arthur gets picked on a lot y'know? And I really don't do anything to stop it or anything so I'm no better than the people who bully him now...because we used to be friends I guess Arthur hates me the most..."

"Ah...so you're separated by peer pressure..."

"Yeah I-" I looked up to find Kiku writing in his notebook again, this time in Japanese. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing at all," He smiled at me. "Please continue Alfred-kun."

"Well uh...I don't know that's about it..."

"I see...very interesting" He had that look again. What was he thinking?

"So, you really like Arthur-san than? Even if your love is forbidden?"

"I-I wouldn't really call it forbidden but yeah, I like him a lot." His face looked like he just won the lottery or something, Kiku was starting to scare me.

"Alfred-kun, I will help you in any way I can."

"R-Really? Seriously dude?"

"Hai."

"Dude you're the best! I'm gunna hug you now-!" I opened my arms to embrace him put he put his hand up into the universal 'stop' sign.

"I must ask that you do not." Kiku was so mean! But he was the best!

"So, what are you gunna do? How will you help me get Arthur to hate Francis and love me?"

"hmm...we shall need to create a plan."

"Yeah!"

"I do not have one yet, however I assure you that we can put operation JoKir into effect soon."

"Operation Joker?"

"Yes. As in Jones and Kirkland."

"Dude! You're so clever!" I nearly yelled, everyone's attention turned towards me and I shrank.

"Hai. Leave it to me Alfred-kun." He gave me a thumbs up. "However, you must not concern yourself with the opinion of others. If you want to be with Arthur-san than you need to express your love freely. And first you must reinstate the friendship between you...Perhaps you should begin with an apology, perhaps defend him against the bullies and stop being friends with them. I happen to recall you saying that you did not like them much..."

"Dude I can totally do that!" I hope. I mean I tried to defend Arthur once before but that didn't happen the way I planned...maybe if I had Kiku to help me it would be easier, but I'd do anything if it meant I could get Arthur to stop hating me! Kiku was seriously the best friend I ever had! (Aside from Arthur of course, he was my first best friend and nothing can replace him in my heart!)

"Alright. I will tell you more of operation Jokir later."

"Thanks dude! I owe you one!"

"It is alright, you owe me nothing at all." I thought it was really weird how he looked down at his notebook when he told me that. I wondered what he would use it for and why he was so eager to get Arthur and I together. Y'know that look in his eye kind of reminded me of how that cute girl um...Eliza? Looked whenever she saw Ludwig and Feli, or when she saw Antonio with Feli's angry brother. It was weird. I wonder if they're friends at all...

Anyway I was excited.

Maybe, just maybe with Kiku's help I could have Arthur...

* * *

**Hey guys, sorry for this chapters lateness. I was really kinda busy last week. BTW I lied. I have no idea how long this will turn out to be...**

**So...Kiku's gotten involved! I wonder what will happen!**

**I wonder where Francis is...**

**So what do you think?**

**I hope you enjoyed it!**

*** I found this list of countries with students with the most understanding of science and Finland was number two! (One being South Korea) that that's my reasoning for putting him in the club.**

**We'll find out more about the other members later but I believe we know the stereotype/ facts of Germans being great engineers and Japanese people being all technologically advanced and all...**

**Bye Bye for now!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys...**

**Sorry it's been so long, I'm not dead or anything I've had writers block and it was terrible. But I suddenly got my inspiration back!**

**Let me be honest. When I write my chapters, I get really excited and sometimes I don't check over them properly. After I write this one, I'm going back to fix some of the mistakes of my earlier chapters so everything will be ok. Just thought I'd put that out there...**

**I really wanted to get this out here to i'll just beta it later...you won't be mad will you?**

**I do now own Hetalia nor anything related to it...**

* * *

After the club ended I said bye to Kiku and went to look for Mattie, he said he'd be in the library right?

I started walking down the hallway but I stopped when I heard yelling...

"Like, you leave him alone alright? I won't tell you again!"

"Oh? And what will you do about it my friend?"

"Get your disgusting hands off me you freak!"

I turned the corner and I saw Feliks, that really hot Polish-Wait. What? Don't get me wrong, Arthur's the only person I have eye's for but I'd be lying if I said that Feliks _wasn't_ attractive.

He was standing in the hallway wearing a pink kilt above his jeans , which isn't anything new for him at all; no matter how many times Arthur tells him to stop he always finds a way to wear what he wants ( and technically he's wearing pants so he wasn't breaking any rules...)

I admired Feliks for being so brave, and for the fact that he looks really cute in his girly clothes.

Feliks was standing tall, as much as he could, against Ivan.

I cringed.

Ivan was pretty much a giant, he was Russian and extremely creepy and just plain weird. He stood there smiling while Feliks tried his best to look intimidating. Yeah, he was doing his best...

"That isn't very nice to say..." Ivan began.

"Like, I don't care! Just leave Toris alone you got that you creeper!" He huffed. Feliks jumped slightly as Ivan took a step closer to him and continued to smile.

"But Toris and I are friends, and I like to look at his tear filled face, it's rather adorable."

"That's disgusting and freaky! H-Hey don't touch me!" Feliks whined as Ivan placed his hand on his hair bow.

"But I don't like you, you're annoying ..."

"Hey!" I decided to step in and both turned to look at me. "Leave him alone you commie bastard!" I demanded. Russians are still communist right? History may not be my best subject but I'm sure they are! And whatever it is I know it's terrible because we fought them during the World War one about it!*

Feliks was right when he called him a creeper, he just stood there and smiled at me. At least he let go of Feliks who stood back a little before Ivan turned toward me. "I don't want any trouble Ivan, so just leave Feliks alone-"

"And Toris too!" He added from the sidelines.

"Him too, alright?" Ivan may have had everyone else scared of him but I wasn't. I was the hero and he was the villain! I'd be damned if I was going to let him push me around!

So I stood there, staring him down for at least a good two minutes before he decided to crack another one of his smiles.

Ivan said something to me in Russian before turning around and waving at Feliks who responded by sticking his tongue out at him as he went by.

I finally let out my breath and turned around.

I jumped slightly when I saw Feliks giving me this really big Kool-Aid smile...

"Like, thanks for that!" He began. "Ivan's a totally creep! Who knows what he would have done to little ol' me? But I couldn't let him just pick on Toris, I had to help him because he's like, totally defenseless y'know?"

"It's alright it's was nothing really." I told him. "Where is Toris anyway? " Those two are always together...

"Like, he went home today because he said he wasn't feeling well, but I so know why he really did it. He's scared of Ivan and I'm all like, 'don't let him bully you Toris! You have to stand up for yourself!' but he's all 'He's so much bigger than me Feliks, and I think he might be crazy!' "

As he spoke I noticed him changing his voice to mimic Toris, it wasn't very good but I got the point well enough and I didn't have the heart to ask him to stop.

"And I'm all 'I don't care! I won't let you be bullied!' So I went right up and told that creeper to leave Toris alone or like, he would suffer my wrath!" He nodded proudly. "But then he was all, 'kolkolkolkol' whatever that means but he was like, touching me and that didn't fly but then you came and totally rescued me! You're like, my hero!" He batted his eye lashes.

I felt myself blush. He called me a hero!

"It's nothing to worry about, just doing my job!"

"But still, I mean I always thought you were a total jerk but Toris says your really nice but I didn't believe him..." Feliks looked down at the ground, suddenly getting really shy before asking "how do you like, know Toris anyway?"

"He lives a few doors down, our moms are friend and she used to baby sit me..."

"Oh that's so totally sweet! " He began to bounce on his toes and he smiled before looking down at his boots. "a-anyway I totally have to get going so I'll like, see you next week or something!" He twisted his hair around his finger before smiling up at me. Feliks gave me a small wave before turning and almost running down the hallway.

I grinned. I should help people more often!

I started off toward the library and went inside to look for Mattie.

I didn't see him at first but I could hear people talking toward the back and I figured that maybe he was over there. I started walking back and the voices were getting louder and louder, I could recognize a few of them but I couldn't really put my finger on it until the group of people came into sight:

It was Antonio and Gilbert, along with a few other people.

I didn't mean to draw attention to myself but Antonio looked at me and gave me a really funny look, like he didn't know what I was doing over here or something, he didn't look mad or anything just confused.

I turned away from him and looked at Mattie who was sitting next to Gilbert who was laughing and talking really loudly to that girl Eliza...something (I really have to remember her full name!) who looked ready to hit him with...was that a frying pan?

Regardless everyone seemed to be having fun and for some reason I felt a little...mad? Maybe?

I never really hung out with a my friends like this, it wasn't really fun to be with them and all they did was make fun of other people.

They seemed to be having honest fun and I was really curious to know what they were doing but finally Mattie seemed to noticed me and he smiled.

"Hey Al, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah..." Everyone seemed to finally acknowledge me, a few of which didn't really seem too pleased with my sudden appearance but most of them just went back to whatever they were doing beforehand. Mattie began to gather his things and Gilbert said something to him that I couldn't hear, apparently it was something nice because Mattie just smiled.

"Um...bye guys..."

"See you later birdie!" Gilbert smirked at Mattie and gave me a look that I couldn't really label. No one seemed to really notice Mattie leaving as he walked toward me looking really cheerful and...blushing?

"How was your club?" He asked me.

"It was alright, Kiku and I made this really cool mouse trap car and I'm thinking of painting lightening on it!" My brother sighed and shook his head.

"You're such a dork..."

"Whatever...hey, I didn't know you were friends with Gilbert, isn't he two years older than you? How do you even know him?" I felt really confused. Gilbert was in my grade but Mattie was only a sophomore...by the time Mattie three or four he moved away with our dad so I know he didn't really know him as a kid either.

"He's in my art class..."

"Oh..."

Mattie and I continued walking, he seemed like he had something on his mind but I didn't ask about it. If he wanted to tell me then he would.

We were about to leave the school but I heard my name being called from down the hall, I rolled my eyes and Mattie sighed as we stopped.

"Hey..." It was one of my so called friends.

"Sup Alfred, uh...Alfred's kid brother..."

"Matthew" I corrected. "How many times do I have to tell you guys?" I really didn't feel like talking to him, I had better things to do! Things like getting home, hanging with my brother, eating dinner (maybe) and finding out about operation Joker! (or was it JoKir? whatever! Same thing!)

He laughed.

"Sorry Al but dude, me and the guys saw that fag Polack skipping around in his dress again, I don't know how many times we have to teach him that skirts are for girls. He just never listens..."

I could feel my stomach lurch and vomit threatened to come up. Why exactly was he telling me this? What did they do to Feliks?

"Dude you should have been there he looked like he wanted to cry, what a pussy. But that wasn't even it! He was upset that we ripped his skirt! Like seriously? He was just asking for that punch in the face..."

How could someone be proud of hurting another person? It's one thing to tease people but physical violence was something different entirely right? Ok maybe they weren't so different but that was still a line that I just didn't want to cross.

After a while of not knowing what to say I think he noticed that I wasn't laughing with him.

"What's up Alfred? "

"Dude that's not even funny..."

"Whatever, he was just asking for it, I shouldn't have to see him running around in a dress blowing kisses and shit at people, I'm not gay and I don't like him trying to make me into one of them either..."

"Whatever dude, you're just being paranoid" I rolled my eyes, I knew he was confused and somewhat degusted at what I said to him but it was the truth! At least the truth as I saw it anyway.

Who cares if Feliks is going around blowing kisses at people? If you were really comfortable with your sexuality you wouldn't feel threatened and feel the need to retaliate!

" What?"

"Nothing...come on Mattie let's just go-" Before I could finish my sentence I was rudely interrupted by his laughter.

"Dude, you call him Mattie? That's so gay!"

"What? It's a nick name. He's my little brother..."

"He's a grown ass man Alfred, you can't go around calling him Mattie and expect not to be called out on it!"

"Whatever, it's not even that serious...it's just a name."

It's funny how quickly a situation can escalate...

"Yeah a gay one..."

"Whatever..."

"Al...can we just go? Please?"

I knew that on the inside I was just looking for a reason, one good reason to finally do it, to break off this 'friendship' and move on with my life...

"Psh, ok. Let's just go Mattie..." I began turning around, I knew he would say something and I was waiting for it, praying that it would be good, and it was-well, it was a good enough reason for me.

"Have fun fucking each other..."

And that was it.

I turned around and before anything else I punched him square in the jaw.

Was my reaction a bit much? Maybe. But it felt good.

"Alfred!" Mattie gasped. I didn't have much to say, I knew I didn't punch him over his comment, I punched him for all those times I should have in the past. I wanted to hit him again but Mattie grabbed my arm and started to pull me away.

"What the fuck!" He yelled. "The hell is your problem?" I watched him as he checked for blood but I didn't say a damn thing. I knew he wouldn't come after me, he's too much of a coward to try to come after me alone but I didn't care.

I had my reason, my excuse, my way out...

Or at least that's how I planned it in my head...

...

_Antonio (5:21PM): Hola Arthur! You didnt hang out with us today :( everyones really worried that maybe something happened? You were really dethatched earlier amigo so is everything alright?_

_Me (5:36PM): Everything is fine. I'm sorry to have worried you but I had a lot of work to do, I apologize._

_Antonio(5:40PM): Thats alright amigo! :)_

I sighed as I set my phone on the bed and laid back. Was Antonio expecting me to reply to that? What was I supposed to say? I'll think about it.

I felt so tired from today, school may have been nice but I found Peter sitting on the doorstep when I got home.

Thank heavens it stopped snowing earlier.

He didn't have his key, apparently he gave it to Alistair last night so he could come back home after partying.

When I finally let him in I found our brother sprawled out on the floor by the end of the stairs, Peter was worried but I assured him he'd be fine and managed to get him back into the guest room.

He apologized to Peter , saying that he heard the doorbell ringing and tried to get up but his hangover was so massive that he couldn't really think and ended up falling down the stairs.

Right now he's sleeping, I made him tea and tried to cook something for Peter but he opted to eat a can of ravioli instead, not that I minded or anything.

I made myself a can as well but unfortunately I ended up sitting in the washroom for a half an hour afterwards.

Why does my life suck?

I closed my eyes, perhaps I could get a little nap in? I didn't have much homework, only seven problems in that cursed chemistry book. I know I have to get it over with eventually and I might as well try to figure it out now so hopefully I won't be stuck asking for help. Who did I know who was even remotely good at chemistry anyway?

It was such an accursed subject...

I sighed and rolled over, snuggling into my pillow wanting nothing more than for my pills to take effect and settle my stomach.

But unfortunately my phone's constant ringing did not allow me much relief, especially as I noticed the caller. Should I pick up? If I ignore it than it will go away right?

Wrong.

He called again...

Then he sent me a text message:

_Frog(6:12PM): I know your there! Pick up!_

He called once more and I growled.

"Bloody hell Francis, it's you're as is Y-O-U apostrophe R-E! That means you are!"

"Must you be so meticulous Arthur?" Francis sounded tired. Very tried.

"What do you want from me Frog?"

"Ah, I just wanted to know why you didn't hang out with our friends today?" Seriously? Why was that any of his business? Why does he toss around words like 'friend' so freely? Friendships do not come that easily. In fact in my entire life I believe I only called one person a friend and meant it, Al-...

Alfred. Fucking. Jones.

Let me not think about that person at the moment, lest I be in for another stomach ache.

I didn't have friends, none who were truly there for me...

"Why?" I asked.

"Because, mon ami, Antonio sounded very concerned for you, saying you were dethatched all day. Don't tell me that you're really this hopeless Arthur? Must I drag you around all day for you to make friends hmm?"

"Be quiet! What I do is none of your concern, I do what I want. Furthermore I am perfectly capable of making friends thank you! In fact, I'm spending time with one tomorrow..."

Francis gasped dramatically.

"Is that so? Who is it? He is cute? You must tell me all the details!" What? What? What?

Did Francis mishear me? He sounded as if I told him I was going on a d-date?

A date? With...Kiku? Oh God were my cheeks turning hot? O-of course not! Kiku was my...'pal'

He was nice a-and perhaps friend worthy yes but...

"Arthur? Arthur are you listening to me?"

"What!"

"Who are you 'spending time' with?"

"Like I'd tell you..." He was silent for a moment before continuing.

"Tell me Arthur! Please?"

"Ugh...Kiku Honda, I don't expect you to know him, he came here during freshman year and he's in my class..."

"ah..." He fell silent once more. Can you say awkward?

"Is he cute?" For some odd reason his question did not have the usual chime to it as usual- why did I even think that?

"B-Bloody hell Francis? Why does it matter?"

"Curious..." A mental image flashed in my mind. I couldn't say that Kiku was unattractive, he was a nice looking person with a model personality. I could see our relationship deepening into friendship and maybe...something more?

"Gaaah!" Thanks to Francis my cheeks were now red I knew they were! I didn't like Kiku not at all!

"Arthur?" He questioned.

"W-what?"

"Nothing...what are you doing now?"

"Nothing at all, I'm readying myself to do homework."

"Homework? But it's Friday night!"

"Which makes it the perfect time to do homework..."

"Nonsense! Friday night is for enjoyment! In fact, when I went back to France I met this beautiful American girl, she was in college, art school that is, studying abroad. I would see her every Friday evening to...rendezvous in Paris." I twitched. Was there was a reason why he was telling me this? I didn't want to hear about his sexual (?) exploits with an older woman!

"-and let me tell you, her face was a sight to marvel at: big brown eyes, long dark hair, a lovely smile, and her voice was so light and cute~ plus she had the biggest set of knockers I've ever seen! That was a only a bonus of course because she was very swe-"

"Francis I don't want to hear this!"

"Ah...jealous?"

"Of course not!" Why would anyone want to listen to this story? "Why weren't you in school today?" I needed to change the subject.

"...I wasn't feeling too well this morning, I couldn't tread through that snow!" I rolled my eyes at his laziness.

"Yes I bet you couldn't..." My phone beeped, alerting me of something and I glanced at my screen. A new email?

I ignored whatever it was Francis was saying in favor of clicking on the alert and opening my mailbox to the message.

It was from Kiku.

_Sender: .edu_

_Subject: Museum Trip_

_Good evening,_

_I hope that everything is well and our trip to the museum is still scheduled as planned. _

_I felt that it was best to begin early, perhaps about eleven or so rather than later in the afternoon. However, my schedule is relatively free for the day and I am able to go later if need be._

_Although it is free day, my research informs me that only the main exhibits are free and there is a fairly interesting exhibit on Ancient Greece that I would be very fun to explore. If you would like to see it as well, I will pay for both of us. With our student discount the cost should not amount to more than fourteen dollars collectively._

_Would you like to go? (Also I noticed that you enjoyed those riceball's I made today for lunch, I could make more and we could bring our lunch instead of buying it.)_

_Please, feel free to call or text me,_

_(XXX)XXX-XXXX_

_Best Regards,_

_Honda Kiku_

I copied down the number, absentmindedly listening to Francis go on and on about something or another and decided to text him after my conversation.

I didn't want Kiku to pay the extra fare for me, I was certain I had seven dollars and although he was the one who suggested we pay more to see everything I didn't want to be a burden to him.

"Arthur are you listening to me?"

"Honestly I am not..." He huffed and I smirked to myself. I had more important things to do than listen to him talk nonsense.

Despite this, I stayed on the phone with him for another half hour before he claimed his phone was dying (what a drama queen!) he told me to 'let 'im in on ze details of my date with ze mysterious Kiku' (heh. my French accent is spot on!) and I rolled my eyes, wishing he could see me do so but I had to settle with informing him that it was not a date. Finally he hung up.

Oh. I nearly forgot to text Kiku. I sent him a short message, informing him it was me and telling him that I was fine for paying and such. His reply was almost immediate and he asked if I was alright with the time and asked where we should meet , we went on from there.

In about twenty minutes everything was settled. Apparently it was Kiku's turn to make dinner for his house hold because he'd been avoiding his turn all week but finally Yao, his eldest housemate, forced him too. He had to go and to be honest I was somewhat disappointed but I understood that he had responsibilities.

I yawned and placed my phone on my nightstand, connecting it to the charger. It was only about eight, too early to go to bed and my episode earlier ruined my appetite. After a few moments of thinking, I pulled myself out of bed and dug into my school bag for my chemistry book.

Why not start on my homework?

...

Come on...come on pick up!

" Laurinaitis residence this is Toris speaking, how may I help you?"

"..."

"Hello?"

"Um...Hey Toris, this is Alfred..."

"Alfred? Hello. We haven't spoken in a while, is everything alright?"

"Yeah dude. I was just wondering if you heard from Feliks at all sense school ended, I know you're friends and all..."

"Oh. Yes I have, he's actually here with me. Um, Feliks told me what you did for him, thank you Alfred."

"Heh, it's nothing really...um...i-is he alright now? I heard something happened to him and I don't know his number or anything..."

Toris was silent for a moment but started talking a bit lower

"He's perfectly fine, he was mostly upset about his kilt but I managed to mend it thanks for asking."

"Toris? Like, who are you talking too?"

I could hear Feliks in the background.

"It's Alfred!"

"Really? Like, lemme talk to him!"

There was a struggle and finally Felik's voice was practically screaming in my ear.

"Like hey Alfred!" He was panting pretty hard, like getting the phone from Toris took a lot out of him but he sounded alright and I was happy that nothing bad happened to him.

"Hey, um I heard what happened are you alright dude?"

"huh? Oh yeah I'm totally fine! Did you call just to check up on me?" He sounded really excited.

"erm...well yeah. I kinda felt like I should apologies to you..."

"That's alright you can't help what those jerks do, but aren't those like, your friends?"

"...No, not after today, I felt like they took things way too far and I'm really sorry things got this way..."

"I told you don't worry about it, I'm perfectly fine and like, my face is still fab as always. Oh! I'm painting my room this totally wicked shade of hipster pink tomorrow! Toris is like, totally going to help me do you want to come too? It'll be like, so much faster and funner! And if you really feel that bad than you can like make it up to me by coming!"

"Feliks!" I heard another struggle and this time Toris came to the phone.

"Hello Alfred," He sighed. "Don't worry about his room, Feliks _won't _be painting anything pink..."

"Hey! You can't like, make that choice for me!"

"Feliks you can't do that sort of thing in an apartment..."

"Ya. Whatever!"

I couldn't help but laugh at their bickering, it was obvious they were best friends.

I remember when Arthur and I fought over pointless little things like that, now I really don't fight with anyone except Mattie but we're brothers so that's pretty much a given.

I haven't had a best friend in years...

"Alfred?" Toris called.

"Huh? Yeah?"

"Um...Feliks wants to speak to you again..."

"Oh, alright." Toris must have handed the phone to Feliks because he came chirping on the phone again, this time without a struggle.

"Anyway Alfred, I like, really appreciate your checking up on me and saving me earlier today..." Suddenly he reverted back into 'shy mode' I noticed a while back that he did that sometimes. He would be loud and boastful but then turn shy again afterwards.

"Oh, you don't have to thank m-"

"No seriously, you're my hero! "

"Gee, thanks Feliks!"

"You're welcome, so like...I'll see you on Monday?" His voice lowered a bit when he said that. Um...not sure how I feel about that but...

"Yeah of course..."

"Great! Ow! Toris!"

"So," Toris was back on the line and a part of me felt relieved. "I'm sorry we can't talk longer Alfred, but I really have to get to taking Feliks home before it gets too late..."

"No that's ok, thanks bro!"

"No problem, um. Maybe we could hang out sometime?"

"Yeah sure, it'll be fun..."

"Great, I'll see you on Monday or...whenever. Good bye Alfred, have a nice night."

"Yeah you too!"

I hung up the phone and breathed a sigh of relief.

Nothing bad happened to Feliks and for that I was grateful.

I yawned and looked at the clock, it was only about ten and that's way too early to go to bed, especially on the weekend so I might as well play so videogames.

I wonder if Kiku will message me...

* * *

**_**Lets Learn Some History:_**

**_Polish-American Relations:_**

**_The relationship between these two states began during American Revolution. Two Polish men: Tadeusz Kościuszko and Kazimierz Pułaski, took part in it on colonies' side and played very important roles in it. Pułaski in fact is one of the most honored figures in American history, there are a lot of places and events named after him and Illinois (and a few other places) celebrate Pułaski day in March. Despite the fact that poor Kościuszko is largely left out of the school children's lessons, both became heroes of the Polish and American nations._**

**_Poland, even during its partitioning which prevented a official relationship to be formed , always considered the United States a positive influence._**

**_Much, much later the USA and Poland were on allies' side during World War II. (Go Allies!) Poland was a very important ally to America but in 1945 it fell to Soviet Influence (Oh no!). After a while, Poland became a democratic country again and became a very important ally of America, ever sense the countries have had very warm bilateral relations and when Poland joined NATO in 1999, they became part of the same military alliance and vigorously supported the USA and it's missions in Afghanistan and Iraq and such. Poland cooperates closely with the United States on such issues as democratization, nuclear proliferation, human rights, regional cooperation in central and eastern Europe, and reform of the United Nations._**

**_However, Poland's feeling for America have decreased over time mainly due to the fact that most American's are jerks and don't treat them very nicely at all, refusing them passage into the country with visa's and all that. In fact USA remains the last non-Arab developed country in the World to require short-stay visas from Polish citizens. (Keep strong Poland!)_**

**_America has a very large Polish American Population you know._**

**_I know that the relationship between America and Poland in Hetalia terms isn't very defined but I think it's safe to assume that, while it may not be the strongest, Poland may have a little(slowly dying) crush on America...just saying._**

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter~**

**That was a fun little history lesson...kudos to anyone who read that in the hetalia narrator voice!**

**Things are starting to get rather interesting eh? I stay tuned for more!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own Hetalia or anything related to it...**

* * *

So, for the rest of the night I played video games, Mattie even played a few rounds with me before going to do his homework! I got on my favorite MMORPG and Kiku messaged me, we fought monsters, went on few quest and he told me about how he and Arthur were going to the museum tomorrow.

I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous...

But at the same time I knew Kiku didn't like Arthur like that so I shouldn't have, after all he was trying to help me win his heart.

He said that he would 'gather information' for our plan and I was super excited about it!

Kiku and I played for a few hours until he had to go, something about waking up early to meet Arthur so we said good bye and I decided to get some sleep...

...

I set my alarm to go off at about nine. I typically hated waking up any time before eleven on the weekend however when I got up today I found myself oddly cheerful. I did my usual morning routine, or at least that was the initial idea.

I looked at my phone and I had a text from Francis from the previous night, well three.

_Frog(12:52AM): Hey you awake?_

_Frog(1:32PM): Arthur?_

_Frog(2:12AM): Congrats on your date... Have fun._

What?

I already told that fool that it wasn't a date! Why did he feel the need to send that at such a late hour anyway? What was wrong with him?

I rolled my eyes and set my phone on the table, if that Frog was up so late sending me ridiculous messages than he would probably be asleep.

Date.

What a silly notion, can't two classmates go to a museum without it being anything more than that?

Besides...

Kiku is probably straight so it wouldn't matter anyway...

I entered the washroom in order to get ready however I suddenly began to feel rather...self conscious.

I found myself sneaking into my father's supply of 'Irish Spring' products and lucky me, he had all of the variants and... I may have used them all...is that odd?

After which I tossed on my towel, and left for my room. My brother was in the hallway and commented on the overpowering smell and questioned if I were going on a date and of course I denied it with every ounce of my being.

Because that wasn't what it was!

Why is everyone so intent on calling it that!

"You might want to consider shaving those brows of yours little brother, you don't want to scare 'em off!" He laughed at me and walked into the bathroom.

"Shut up! I told you it isn't I date so you can shove your advice up your a-"

"Arthur!"

"Sorry Mum..." I rolled my eyes and entered my bedroom, I immediately looked into the mirror and sighed.

"My eyebrows _are_ rather unattractive..." I tried my best to smooth them over however that didn't seem to help at all. I huffed and gathered my razor and tried to cut a few of the hairs off however I think that only made things worse.

"No..." I frowned. No matter what I did these accursed eyebrows would simply end up looking the same or worse...perhaps I should just let it go.

I needed to get ready.

In order to make up for my atrocious eye brows, I decided that I needed to wear a particularly nice looking outfit.

Usually I never took long to get ready for an outing, I would simply choose something clean with appropriate colors that didn't make me look foolish but...

I was at a loss.

I opened my closet and realized I had nothing to wear!

I bit my lip and began to shuffle through trying to find something...sweater vest? No. Sweater? No. Red? Ugh, no. Green? Maybe...

I shut my closet and walked to my drawer and hesitated.

Typically I tried to look professional during school however I did have other clothing that suited my..._tastes_ better.

I sighed and pulled out a green shirt, it was actually my favorite because it made me feel, and look, pretty damn good, it had the word 'Anarchy' spray painted across it in white.

Should I wear it?

Wait.

Why was I even doing all of this?

The special body wash/soap/deodorant/spray (alright, maybe it was a bit much...) the concern over my eye brows, and now picking out a special outfit? My _favorite _outfit?

What was I doing?

My phone beeped with a new text message, it was Kiku. I wasn't sure why my heart started to beat a bit quicker or why I dropped everything to open it but that's what happened.

Curse all of this!

I blame Francis! If it weren't for him and that comment he made about this being a d-date than I wouldn't be so nervous and on edge!

He said he would be leaving his house soon, a simple message that most people would have sent a simple reply too, but I didn't want to seem too excited or desperate, however there was a way he could take it as a 'I just happened across my phone' situation, but what if he didn't? I should wait...

But what am I going to say? There's only one thing I could say and that was 'ok' or any variant of it. It shouldn't take so long to type and send but...

I replied with a quick 'ok' after a good five minutes of debating with myself, ugh. I really was pathetic.

I needed to get ready.

I sighed and decided to wear that shirt and pair of black skinny jeans, I to 'borrowed' my brothers green boots while he was in the shower, I grabbed something quick and easy to eat before putting on my coat, stuffing my lunch into my bag, and headed out the door.

The trip to the museum wasn't of much interest.

Once I finished ascending up the steps which led to the large building, I saw Kiku waiting outside for me. He stood looking at his phone and did not see me coming but when I saw him, my stomach began to churn; not in the 'I need to run to the bathroom' way, but in a way which was worse...

_He is cute?_

That Frog's stupid voice rang in my head as Kiku finally noticed me and smiled.

_ba-thump._

Yeah...he is.

_ba-thump._

_ba-thump._

_ba-thump._

I shook my head began and walking toward him with a smile.  
"Good morning Kiku, I hope you haven't been waiting for me too long..."

"Good morning Arthur-san. Please do not worry, I just arrived myself...are you alright? You look a bit red..."

"I'm fine, just cold..."

"Well, we should get inside than." He smiled again and led me into the building, it was a little cool but much warmer than the outside of course. After we paid our admissions fee, which Kiku was still bent on paying, we received special wrist bands, we were even allotted to stash our coats and bags for later.

I placed my cellular device in my pocket and smiled to myself, happy now that I wore this particular outfit.

Kiku grabbed a map of the exhibitions and studied it for a moment.

"Where should we begin?" He questioned.

"Um..." I moved a bit closer, only to look at the map I assure you and noticed something...

Kiku smelt rather nice. It was faint and sweet, I wonder if he could smell the excessive amounts cologne I wore. If he did he gave no hint of it but I took a step back just in case he was bothered by it. "We can start upstairs and make our way down, the Greece exhibit seems to be downstairs so we can save that one for last..." Kiku nodded.

For a while we just walked around and looked at few things: fossils, old paintings, life sized dioramas, and the like. He chatted idly with me about some of the things we saw and about our interests.

I found out that Kiku enjoys playing games and drawing, he wants to go into the interactive arts. He's been accepted to several colleges already, however he hasn't chosen one yet and is considering returning to Japan for school or perhaps for good.

I'm not too sure of what I want to do with my life after school, to be honest I would love to write a novel however the odds of being a writer are so slim...

I figured I'd go into journalism or event planning, for it seems to be something I've found enjoyable and rather good at despite all of the stress involved with it...

At about two or so we took a lunch break.

"Arthur-san, I was sure to make plenty of riceballs today because you seemed to enjoy them." He smiled. "And if you would like, I've also packed a few leftovers from what I cooked last night..."

"oh..."

_ba-thump_

"You don't have to, I brought my lunch with me as well..." I informed him.

We'd gotten our bags from the front desk before going to the food court and sitting down at a table off to the right. I'd took out my bagged lunch and frowned a bit, I hope he hadn't gone though any trouble however I found it rather...sweet that he wanted to share with me.

We both began eating in relative silence.

"Excuse me for asking Arthur-san, however I have heard a rumor and I was hoping you could inform me if it is true or not..." He started.

Kiku looked rather nervous about asking, and I was curious as to what he wanted to say.

"Alright...what is it?"

"H-Hai...um...you wouldn't happen to be dating anyone at the moment would you?" He looked down at the table.

_ba-thump_

_ba-thump_

"I-I am sorry for asking, you do not have to answer I was only wondering because everyone says that you are dating someone called 'Francis' and I..." He trailed off.

_ba-thump_

_ba-thump_

_ba-thump_

_ba-thump_

Be still my heart.

I felt my blood rush to my face and I looked down at the table before coughing awkwardly into my fist.

Why was Kiku asking if I was dating anyone? Sure he wasn't...he wasn't interested was he?

_ba-thump_

_ba-thump_

N-No! He couldn't be...right?

I've never known him to be so forward...

It took a moment or so before I was able to come up with a reply, to be honest I was in some sort of daze where I could see was...Kiku and I...together...

"I-I um...N-no...I'm not dating anyone at all, especially not that frog faced Francis..." I finally brought myself to look up at him, into those big, wonderfully brown eyes and leaned forward a tad.

"Why do you ask?" Are you interested? Do you like me?

"Curiosity..." He pulled his gaze away from mine and cleared his throat. "It is something that I heard many times so I thought it appropriate to dispel fact from falsehood."

Oh.

I forced myself to smile.

"Thank you for asking..."

Truly.

It means a lot that you would do so. I hate it when rumors are spread about me, the fact or falsehood behind them doesn't factor.

I harbor an intense hatred for people who just believe what they hear, and even more so for the people who spread rumors without remorse or care, with no regards as to how it effects others. You can probably assume why.

I frowned at my thoughts, and sighed at my current situation.

Of course Kiku only wanted to know the truth. He wasn't interested in me at all, why would he be?

We truthfully know very little about one another and as I said earlier he most likely likes girls.

"Anyway..." I began, I wanted to stir away my thoughts. "Kiku, I'm interested in knowing, you say you came to America only a few years ago and yet you speak English so well..."

"Ah. Well, I was taught English while I was young. My parents wanted me to be well rounded in my education, that is a part of why I was sent here..."

"Oh, that's understandable...how do you like living in America?"

"It is very...different from home however it is very nice, I've been enjoying my time here and learning about new cultures has always been something of interest to me. My housemates helped me to become adjusted and I am very thankful for them. If you don't mind me asking, how long did you spend in England?"

"Not very long...I moved when I was younger. I don't have many memoires of England, however I recall it being rather nice, or at least better then here..."

"Would you ever go back?"

"I'm...not really sure..." Honestly, America is the only home I've ever really known, I've spent fourteen years of my life here...

Silence was nothing new to me, I supposed that this is what happens when two quiet people go out on a outing yet I really wanted him to say something else...

We finished our meals, however not everything was good on my end.

I bit my lip. Damnit! why?! Why now of all the times!?

My stomach began to hurt rather badly, I felt it and cringed.

"I'll be right back!" Before he said anything I jogged to the nearest washroom sign and entered the room, it wasn't as filthy as it _could _have been and that was a relief to me in a way...

Regardless about ten minutes later I meekly exited the washroom, and Kiku immediately confronted me.

"Are you alright? Did you eat something bad?" He was concerned, and that embarrassed me to no end.

"I'm fine just...long line and all...a-anyway let's just go..." My stomach began to ach again but I could ignore it, at least for a bit.

We finally made it to the Greek exhibit, and Kiku seemed to be pleased.

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't interesting.

We wandered about, discussing most of the things we saw and took a few photos as evidence of our being there for our teacher to see (we'd taken a few upstairs as well.)

"Are you interested in myths and legends as well Arthur-san?"

"Yes, I love things like this..."

"Really? May I ask which are your favorite?"

"Well...it may sound a bit silly but...I enjoy things which involve...love" I blushed.

"Love?"

"Yes yes, don't go spreading it around...I guess the prospect is intriguing. I mean, the Trojan war was fought because of love, a love of beauty that is, but it was still love...Pygmalion's love for his creation brought her to life, Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection and died but true loves kiss is always what brings the princess back from her eternal slumber...there is nothing as beautiful and destructive as love is..."

"Ah...you might very well be correct about that. However, I enjoy the stories about the God's when it comes to Greece. As mighty and strong as they were, I enjoy the fact that they were portrayed as...human. They were imperfect beings just as humans, I assume that it gave the Greeks faith in humanity...knowing their Gods were just like them...If there is no perfect being, than perhaps there is no such things as perfection, and thus everyone is perfect..."

_ba-thump_

_ba-thump_

I opened my mouth to say something, however I closed it again. I turned away slightly, if only to hide my blush. Kiku was really creative with his words.

I really did not have anything to say about his observation and besides, I think it was far too beautiful to say anything immediately after...

The rest of the day, aside from another emergency bathroom trip, was peaceful...

...

I woke up today at about two, my mom was screaming at me to shovel the snow from yesterday and I groaned.

I was having the best dream about cheeseburgers but Mom just didn't get that! I hadn't eaten a burger in a week or two and I was craving one so badly! My stomach growled and I put my hand on it and sighed.

"No..."

My head hurt a little but that was nothing that a hero like me couldn't deal with...

Mattie was gone, apparently running errands for her or something, and I grumbled about it.

I got ready and lazily put on all my winter gear before going shovel the snow.

It wasn't as cold as yesterday but I was seriously freezing my jingle bells off. I didn't hate snow or anything, but it was really annoying to shovel. I must have been out for a good hour and I wasn't even halfway down the sidewalk yet! I let out a loud sigh, where was Mattie? I needed him and he wasn't there to be my sidekick! What sort of brother was he? Not only that but my stomach was giving my hunger pains.

I've been feeling kind of light headed for a while and...maybe a bit dizzy.

I took a step back to brace myself, what did I eat this morning? Oh. Right. Nothing.

I tried to lean on the shovel for support but that gave way and I ended up falling face first in a pile of snow. I didn't even have the energy to get up. I managed to turn myself around and look into the sky...

I hated it. Life would be so much easier if we just invested in a snow blower...

"Alfred!" Someone called my name? I couldn't really see who it was but I heard footsteps getting closer and closer to me before I felt someone lift me up from behind, walk me to the front step and sit me down. Once I was leaning against the wall all I could really make out was a plum colored coat before the person stepped down in front of me.

"Are you alright Alfred?" It was Toris, he was breathing pretty heavy so I guess he just ran, either that or I'm heavier than I thought I was.

"Oh yeah ,I'm cool dude I just sort of lost my balance is all, nothing to worry about..." I tried to give him a heroic grin but I don't think it worked because he frowned.

"Are you sure? You look a little tired..."

"Yeah I'm pretty tired...just woke up and stuff..." I forced myself off the wall and smiled again. "I'm cool dude..."

My eyes traveled down to the bag he was holding, it have off the overwhelming scent of...food. Like apples and cinnamon and it made my mouth water...

"Hmmm? Oh, do you want one Alfred? Felik's mom baked them..." He opened the bag and motioned it toward me to take one. I slowly reached in and pulled out a warm donut like thing. I know I shouldn't but I was starving! My head hurt more than ever and I felt so tired...there was no way I could continue on like that!

I bit into it and I was in heaven...

"Do you like it? It's called Pączki..." Toris explained. I nodded and stuffed the rest in my mouth happily. It's been forever since I ate something so good, actually, it's been a while since I ate.

Toris is some sort of saint, because he shared his bag with me! If I were him I wouldn't let anyone have my delicious...pack-ski?

He explained that Feliks's mom was a baker and she would always send him home with a bag of treats, it didn't help that Feliks would often try his hand at baking and of course he was his guinea pig so he was used to Polish treats like this. I sighed as I finished off the last one, I felt so much better!

"Dude thanks a lot, you're a life saver!"

"I'm just happy that I happened to be walking by, if you were hungry you shouldn't have went out to do such hard work." He looked out into the snow. "It looks like you need help..."

"What? No way dude I totally got this!" "It's alright I don't mind helping you a bit, I really don't have anything else to do today. Feliks made me rush over his house for nothing again so I'm free..." He stood up and stuffed the empty bag in his pocket before grabbing the shovel. "Do you have another one of these?"

"Yeah, we got a smaller one I'll go and get it..." I felt a lot better when I got up, even though I knew I would regret eating all those treats later I was so hungry...

You understand right? Shoveling snow was exercise... I'll just be sure to work out twice has hard later on, I'll skip dinner too I could probably go without it...

Toris and I began to shovel down the side walk and eventually Mattie came home, he offered to help and Toris went to get his shovel so we all pretty much had fun tossing around snow and having little snow ball fights. It was just a bunch of goofy nerdy fun and it was probably some of the best times I've had recently. After we finished, Toris invited Mattie and I over his house and he made us hot chocolate, he had marshmallows and things to go with it but I opted to have it without, just for good measure. By the time we got there is was about five, and already pretty dark. We all decided to watch a movie, not a scary one thank goodness but a really funny one, and it even had superheroes! Somewhere during the movie Toris got a angry text from Feliks stating that he should have invited him to hang out so he didn't have to help out in the restaurant but he eventually got over it. It's been a long time since I had so much fun with anybody, I really miss hanging out with my old friends...

...

I got home from the museum at around five or six, I never thought it were possible to spend so much time in a place like that. I purchased a few things from the gift shop, including a unicorn plush that I grabbed while Kiku wasn't looking. My parents were out retrieving one of my other siblings from the airport, Peter was in his room, Alistair pinned a note to my door proclaiming that he was going to kill me for taking his shoes but was otherwise gone, and I crawled into my room.

The museum was very fun and I enjoyed myself a lot however...

I don't understand Kiku one bit.

He would ask me a question which made it seem as if he may have been interested in pursuing something more than friendship with me, but then he would act as if it were a completely normal thing to do and I didn't understand his mixed signals!

I mean, I wouldn't be too disappointed or anything if he didn't like me that way, however if he did...

_ba-thump_

_ba-thump_

I probably wouldn't be too disappointed with that outcome either.

I grabbed my laptop and opened it, absentmindedly typed in facebook and scrolled down my newsfeed. I didn't really have many friends, why do you need 200 friends when you only talk to 50 or so people? If even. I only had the damn things so I could keep everyone updated on events, that and it was simpler to speak to the student council members through it. Nothing of great importance happened while I was away, there was a short exchange between Francis and Antonio on one of his irrelevant cries for attention but other than that nothing.

I closed my computer and looked at the clock, I didn't have much to do today but-

My phone began to ring.

I reached into my pocket and there ,calling me again, was stupid Francis. I rolled my eyes and answered.

"Yes Francis? What is it now?"

"Back from your date I see. How was it?" He sounded very smug. I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face because I told him that it wasn't a date!

"I fucking told you already you damn fucking Frog that is wasn't a fucking date so please let it the fuck go you fucktard!"

"Fine, fine, I believe you...did you have fun?" Why was he so curious about it?

"...Yes, it was rather enjoyable..."

"Oh...well, that's great..." His voice seemed to have lowered at bit. "I'm looking at your pictures online...I had no idea you were into that sort of fashion, it suits you well...oh. He _is _cute..."

Online? Oh yeah, Kiku did say something about posting them on that damn social network. I rolled my eyes at Francis' comment.

"He accepted my friend request..."

"W-What are you doing making friends with him for?"

"Why not? If he's your friend than he can be mine as well...Why? Jealous? Do you like him?"

"N-No! I do not!" He sighed.

"Of course you don't...What are you doing now mon ami?"

"Nothing..."

"Perfect!" Francis began to chat with me about a serious of irrelevant topics, every so often he'd ask about my day with Kiku and such and eventually he ran out of things so say.

"Well Francis, if that is all you want to say then-"

"Let's go out..."

"...Pardon?"

"Let's go the movies next Saturday, you aren't doing anything correct? It'll be fun."

"A-a-and who else is coming? What movie?"

"...I'll be inviting everyone, its right after final exams end so it'll be nice to get out and have fun. You didn't think that winter break would allow you to be rid of me did you?" He chuckled.

"I was hoping for it..."

"I'm hurt..! So...will you go?"

"I...guess. Maybe. I'll think it over and let you know..."

"Great...I must be going now but I'll see you on Monday so please don't miss me too much..."

"Don't count on me missing you at all damn Frog!" He chuckled. "Of course of course...good bye mon cher, see you next week..."

The line went dead. I rolled my eyes and set my phone down and sighed once more, I heard my parents come back with one of my other brothers but I didn't feel like seeing which one yet. Instead I pulled out my headphone and plugged them into my mp3 and I let the music carry me away into sleep...

* * *

**_Lets Learn History!_**

**_Lithuania and America_**

**_The USA (That's United States of Awesome) first established diplomatic relations with Lithuania in 1922, during a time of a lot of partying and wealth called the 'Roarin' Twenties!" in America, he was pretty rich and very artsy._**

**_The Soviet invasion of Lithuania forced their friendship to end in 1940 (no no!), but still, their representation in the United States continued uninterrupted._**

**_Actually, The US never recognized the forced assimilation of Lithuania into the USSR (that's Union of Soviet Socialist Republic aka the Soviet Union)._**

**_The United States and Lithuania have several agreements, on things like bilateral trade, intellectual sharing, a bilateral investment treaty, a "Charter of Partnership" (with Lithuania and the other Baltic countries) And they work together on creating groups focusing on improving regional security, defense, and economic issues._**

**_In 2007, the United States and Lithuania celebrated 85 years of continuous diplomatic relations and Lithuania has enjoyed most-favored-nation treatment with the United States since 1991. (Yay!)_**

**_It seems like the America and Lithuania are exceedingly good friends, don't you think?_**

* * *

**Well, this was sure an interesting chapter, I deviated from the norm a bit but...**

**Shrug.**

**It seems to me like something rather complicated it beginning to form don't you think?**

**I have an idea to put in other peoples pov (like Francis, Kiku, Matthew, Toris, Feliks maybe others~) I can probably like, add a whole new dimension in the story and I'm leaning towards it a bit but at the same time this is a story about how Alfred and Arthur see the things around them...what do you all think?**

**I hope you call enjoyed this chapter, please review and tell me what you think!**

**See you later!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! Here's the next chapter. **

**I do not own Hetalia nor anything relating to it. **

* * *

I really hate Sundays.

Mom always drags me out of bed early so we could attend this church all the way across town, for some reason she didn't like to go to the one near us, according to her they don't teach 'strong family values.'

I don't really like it, well I hate it actually.

Every other service feels like one of those 'fire and brimstone' sort of things, they don't sing with music, and everyone is really noisy; they like to ask me about my personal life and 'make sure I'm doing well spiritually.'

I think some of the woman look down on my mom for being divorced which isn't cool at all, they give her all this 'advice' that she needs to reconnect with my Dad because it isn't proper for her to raise me alone and they don't want her to enter an 'improper relationship' by what they say is God's standards.

Really? Mom's done a great job bringing me up on her own! I don't know what happened with her and Dad but it's obvious if they got a divorce it just wasn't working out. I would rather her be happy alone than miserable with him. I love my Dad but it's obvious they're really different. He's really laid back and mom is bit more strict...ok maybe a lot more. Especially after she joined this group.

I really don't like these people, they're really controlling and I feel as if she's being brainwashed. She seems really devoted to them and it's really put a wall between us y'know? I used to be able to hang out with my mom and watch a movie or something but she's been censoring everything and is usually on the phone or gone studying with the woman. More times than not I've heard her asking them advice about me. Like, she doesn't know what to do with me because I don't want to study and things like that. She usually comes home really fatigued and tired so she never really has any energy to talk to me unless it's to badger me about studying (not school, the Bible!) or something about Dad (which I find kind of creepy.)

My Mom ended up getting Baptized and got even more consumed with them. Everyone kept asking me when I was going to 'go under' and my mother's been pushing me to but I really don't want to. I really hate going to church here because whenever I do I feel like a lie.

More times than not I've heard them preaching against homosexuality.  
I don't know if you noticed but I'm kind of homosexual...

Or something.

As if it wasn't hard enough for me to come to terms with that! Now I have to listen to a dude talk about how wrong my feelings are and how I'll burn in hell if I don't change. Don't you think I tried? I tried hard for years but...I couldn't. I find it bit easier to admit it to myself but...I don't think I would be able to say it to anyone else y'know? I was devastated when Kiku found out but I knew he didn't care and wouldn't tell anyone.

Actually, I'm not sure what I am exactly.

I know I like Arthur but I've never actually y'know..._kissed _a boy before. I'm pretty young so how do I know if what I feel is love? I've never liked anyone else but him so does that make me gay or does it mean I just like a person who happens to be a guy? Should I label myself before I actually gave it a try? I've never kissed a girl either...

Well...

I'll let you in on a secret: When Arthur and I were younger, maybe about six or seven, we kissed. It wasn't anything spectacular and I doubt he really knew what we were doing despite his claim but we did.

I remember Francis bragging about kissing a girl. He teased me about how girls would never want to kiss me because I'd probably eat them or something.

I wanted to prove Francis wrong but...

I didn't like girls back then.

I was still at the age when girls had cooties and I didn't want to catch them. Hell, I didn't understand why Francis would want to either! But kissing seemed so grown up, so taboo that I wanted to try it, I wanted to do something grown up.

I asked Arthur if he ever kissed a girl and he gave me a weird look.

"Why would I ever want to kiss a girl?" We were sitting behind the school on a step facing the playground looking out for our parents cars to come. I remember it was a bit cloudy and chill and the other kids were playing, our teacher was watching them, probably wanting to go home a well but she wasn't paying us much mind behind her. Arthur and I were both good kids so I guess she didn't have to worry.

"I dunno...Francis says he kissed one..." I looked down shyly.

"Bleh. Did he turn her into a frog?"

"I don't think so..." I laughed.

"Well. I never kissed a girl and I don't plan on it either..."

"Really?"

"If I kissed a girl that means I would have to marry her..."

"What? That's not true!"

"It is! Mum said so!"

"Liar!"

"Well then, you tell _me _what happens if you kiss someone?"

"I dunno...I've never done it!"

"Exactly!"

I remember thinking that Arthur was so smart. He was only a few months older but it seemed like he knew everything at that age. In reality I guess neither of us knew much at all.

"So you really don't want to kiss girls?"

"Nope...why, do you?"

"Um...I dunno..."

"Bleh. Alfred you can't do that! If you get married that girl will take you away!"'

"Really? I don't want to kiss anyone then..."

"As it should be. Girls are gross..."

"Mhmm..!" Problem is. I still wanted to kiss. But how could I tell him that after what he just told me?

I could tell Arthur was thinking about it too because he was the one who suggested what happened next.

"We can kiss each other...that would be ok."

"But I don't want to marry you! Mom says one day I have to marry a nice girl! It's the rules!"

"That's stupid. Boys can get married too!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yes they can! Why can't they?" He had a point. I didn't see any reason why. Of course if Arthur said so then I would believe him no matter what.

"I guess..."

"See..."

I looked his way. He didn't seem to be paying attention to me anymore. How could he just suggest we kiss and not do anything? I was curious. Isn't it normal for a boy to be curious about things like that?

"Arthur?"

"Yes?"

"D-do you want to kiss?" He looked like he was taken aback but nodded quickly after. He turned towards me. I looked around. Our teacher was facing the other way and no one was paying any attention. I looked at Arthur but I couldn't bring myself to move so he did. He scooted a bit closer to me so our hips were touching and leaned over.

It was a quick, chaste kiss it couldn't have been longer than me counting 'one Mississippi.'

When it was over we just looked at each other, he scooted away from me and smiled.

"We can't tell anyone ok?" He told me. "Otherwise they'd make us get married..."

"Ok. I won't tell..." If I knew then what I know now, I would have told everyone because I would love to marry him.

Arthur was my first kiss. But did it really count? I was a curious kid. Just a kid.

All I know is that I like another dude and no matter what I did I couldn't change that. No matter how much I was told it was wrong...

Stupid Mattie, he went home to work on some 'project' with Gilbert. Why do they even hang out? I have to remind myself to find out later.

"Good morning brothers and sisters! You know, the other day I found myself, watching the news and I realized: You can't even watch the news without something depressing being shown and that just isn't right!" A bunch of cheers like 'you said it bro!' and 'that's right!' came from everyone and I sighed.

"This world is sick. People..._killing_ each other, _stealing_ from each other, _pre-marital sex_, everybody's coming out as _homosexual_, thinking it's alright to be gay! But you know what? It's not!"

My heart began to pound. I didn't like where this is going at all.

"You know you guys. The gay's have their little rallies, they can protest, they can do all that; but it doesn't make them right..." More cheers.

"A lot of people tend to think what they do is right, but let me tell you something; unless you have the word of God, you'll never be right!"

"C'mon!"

"Preach it bro!"

"But how do you receive the word of God? Is it enough to just read your Bible?"

"Nope!"

"Tell 'em!"

"No! You have to eat it, drink it, sleep, it: You have to live it! If you don't live the word you'll never make it into heaven. If you don't live it, He doesn't recognize you has one of his own, if you don't live it then Jesus will deny you at the gate and cast you out into the flames of hell you guys...that is what today's lesson is about: Living out the word"

"Yes!"

I sunk down and sighed heavily; this is going to be a long day.

I hated this place more than anything else. I wanted to go home...

Nothing else really happened at all that day...

But if I were to pick which was worse, Sunday's still trumped Monday for being the worse day of the week even when you know that after this week school is out for a whole three weeks but you gotta take final exams.

Why do we even need to take final exams? We already learned everything and we were tested in it throughout the semester already? It never made sense to me! I got an A in my Chemistry class, and a B in Calculus (didn't think I was so smart did you?) I also got an A in gym so I don't have to take finals in those courses. But I still need to take my test in all my other classes. You would think that in English class would actually teach English and not all this Shakespearean crap that no one cares about anymore right? Writing and finding the deeper meaning behind stuff isn't really something I'm good at y'know? How do these teachers even know that these things have meaning? Sometimes a chair is just a chair right? Am I the only person who thinks this?

I wish I was better at writing though. I would love to write Arthur a love note or something but what would I say?

'I really really like you? '

He'd just laugh at me...

Maybe I shouldn't even try. I would love to date him but he hates me and besides what would I say to my mom?

I wish I could just get my life together...

I sighed as I walked down the hallway toward my locker. My stomach growled and I sighed. After pigging out on Saturday I had to cut back yesterday and work out twice as much. It hurt so bad but I was sure to bring a little snack with me so I wouldn't faint.

Did you know that they make zero calorie un-salted crackers? They don't taste good but it's better than nothing right? I had a whole box in my book bag so when I got too hungry I could just eat that and drink water.

I was actually on my way to my locker to put my stuff away but on my way I ran into Kiku!

"Kiku dude!" I jogged over to him.

"Hello Alfred-kun, how was your weekend?"

"It was ok..." I shrug. "How about you?" I never really got the ask him about his day out with Arthur.

"It was very nice." He nodded. "I actually have a few things to go over with you. Would you like to meet in the library during lunch with me? It concerns operation JoKir..." He lowered his voice. If didn't want noisy people listening in and finding out my secret.

"Ok..." I felt my heart beating.

"Are you ready for final exams?"

"As ready as I can be I guess..." I shrugged. I didn't study at all but that's ok because my hardest classes aren't scheduled for exams until later. You see finals week was complicated: Monday's we would go through school as usual, Tuesday we had short days and we would take tests for first and fourth period. Wednesday would be second and fifth, Thursday third and seven and Friday we didn't have school. If you had lunch one period you would just get to leave early. I had time to study still...right?

...

After speaking to Alfred-kun for a few more minutes about video games and winter plans, it was time to leave for class where I met up with Arthur-san. He appeared to be waiting for me.

"Good morning Arthur-san" I greeted respectfully. He was very kind when greeting me however there seemed to be something on his mind.

"Is something wrong?"

"No not at all..." I wonder if it was about Francis, he always seems to complain about him. I often find myself wondering as to why he continues to spend time with him if he cannot seem to stand him however I find it rude to ask. From what I gather it is rather obvious that Francis seems to like him regardless of having not met him at all.

I wonder who Arthur-san really felt about Francis. I wasn't sure how to account for him in the plan however I hoped that Alfred -kun could reconnect with him soon, especially because winter vacation was coming which meant the school year was half over and we'd be moving on to college.

Perhaps one day I could invite them both over? In the manga the third party always leaves the two love interests alone to work out their problems however this was far more complicated. There is a deep rip in the fabric of their relationship and...Arthur-san continues to look at me strangely.

I only smile back politely and he seems to stop afterwards but...I'm becoming a bit worried.

This wasn't a onetime occurrence, rather this has been the norm for the day, the part I spent with him rather.

At lunch I went to the library and was surprised to find Alfred-kun already waiting for me. I sat down across from him at the table and he grinned at me.

"Hey Kiku...so um...w-what did you want to talk about?" He appeared rather apprehensive, I wanted to calm him however I decided it was best to proceed with the plan.

"You need to speak to Arthur-san..." I informed.

"Talk to him?" I will probably never understand the way westerners think. How could he claim his heart without speaking to him first?

"Of course. "

"But he hates me...I thought we'd do something to first change my image!"

"Yes. That is important as well but speaking is the first step. You must act friendly towards him and make him believe that you have changed."

"But...he totally hates me Kiku..."

"But you do like him?"

"Of course I do..."

"Then you have to try. I am not requesting you to tell him how you feel only to say a friendly 'hello'"

"But that'll be weird...I mean think about it! Do you even think it's worth it?" I was surprised. Was he giving up? We hadn't even begun on the plan!

I wanted to say something however I looked up and I spotted Arthur-san walking toward us. I frowned.

"He is coming..." His eye's went big. He didn't seem to know what to do and frankly neither did I. "Stay calm please..."

"B-But..."

"Kiku I-" He stopped. Any cheerful disposition Arthur may have had left the moment he noticed I was not alone. I actually figured that he would be gone with Francis for lunch however I seemed to be incorrect.

"Hello Arthur-san..." I started. I turned toward him.

"Hello...I'm sorry I didn't realize you were busy. I'll just go..."

"Hey..." Alfred-kun did it! He actually spoke to him. Although it was pretty quiet and faint it could still be heard however Arthur-san glowered at him and I was pretty sure he began to growl but that may have been my imagination. Alfred -kun sighed. He stood up. "You can talk to Kiku now, I'll just get out your way..." He looked at him. Alfred looked scared and when I looked at Arthur he seemed to have a good reason to be. He was standing in a defensive position; arms crossed, eye's narrowed, scowling. Tension filled the air and Alfred finally turned to look at me. "See ya' dude..." He looked at Arthur, who only scowled harder if that was possible. He didn't say anything to him, but instead walked away. I sighed. I knew this would be a hard mission however it seemed a bit more difficult than I thought. I turned to watch him go and I noticed him being approached by someone else. However when Alfred was out of sight Arthur took his place, still gazing in his general direction.

"I didn't know you knew him..." He sounded very bitter but he finally turned back to me.

"Yes. Alfred-kun and I are close friends..."

"Close?" He looked as if he smelled something rotten. "Why you would want to be friends with him I wouldn't know..."

"Because he is very nice..."

"Nice? Please..."

"It is true...from what I understand the two of you used to be good friends as well..." Perhaps now would be the best time to bring it up. I knew it was a touchy subject however I needed to find out how Arthur-san felt about him.

"W-where did you hear that?" He was surprised to say the least.

"He informed me..."

"H-He talks about me?"

"Yes. At times..." I couldn't give too much away to him.

"Humph! Noting but crude comments I bet. He probably makes fun of me..."

"No. The things he says are rather nice..."

"Nice?"

"Yes..."

"Yeah right...people talk about me all the time Kiku you don't have to lie..." He placed his bag on the table and began to shuffle through. He pulled out his chemistry book and began to thumb through it. I stayed silent for a few moments, giving my next question thought before asking him.

"What happened between the two of you?" I knew already, however it was best to hear his side of the story. I could begin to deduce how he felt already and I could get a better grasp on the situation. I did not want Alfred-kun to give up, I believed that there was hope in the situation but he needed to fight.

"...nothing at all. We were never really friends..."

He lied. I frowned. Why would he say that?

"But that isn't the truth..."

"But it is the truth! He was never my friend..." He nearly yelled. I frowned at him. "Or rather...I was never his..." He whispered.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I wasn't sure what to say exactly...

...

I wish Kiku didn't ask. Now it was awkward and I should apologize for yelling at him. I actually like Kiku and I did not want our friendship to crumble because of my stupid pride! I looked down at my book but I wasn't actually reading. I sighed.

"Sorry...I shouldn't have shouted at you..." The lunch period was nearly ending and I couldn't leave things like this could I? I didn't have any more classes with him and it was better to do these things sooner as opposed to later right?

"It is alright. I should not have asked..."

"It's ok you didn't know...it's just...it's a touchy subject..."

"I am sorry..."

"It's alright..." The bell rung a few minutes later and we gathered out things. Kiku's class was right and mine was left. I wasn't sure if I was alright with leaving like this. Was everything alright? Were _we_ alright? I didn't have much time to ask, I had to do something!

"Kiku..."

"Yes?"

"Um...would you like to go to the movies on Friday? My other um...friends organized a thing and..."

"...I shall see. We can talk about it later..." He smiled at me and I was thankful. I could feel my heart beating again.

_ba-thump_

_ba-thump_

I nodded and smiled back, I walked away from him with a sense of joy, as if all was right with the world.

That is until a certain Frog had to send it crashing down when he pulled me aside!

"Arthur! Where have you been?" He asked.

"I was with Kiku..."

"Oh. _Him _again..." Did he just roll his eye's at me?

"Yes ' him again.' He's my friend..." I crossed my arms.

"Of course. Why didn't you want to eat with us? " Was he upset?

"I can do whatever I want to do Francis."

"I know that..." He trailed off. "Do you...like him?" He asked. I'm sure he asked me this before.

I only shrugged. I wasn't sure how to answer that question but I knew I did not dislike him...

He smiled at me .

"...are you at least coming on Friday?"

"Yes. Oh, and I invited Kiku so he might be there..." He had a strange look on his face however he sighed.

"Of course. Well, I look forward to meeting the person who's captured your heart!" He winked at me. "But really Arthur if you want him to like you than you must be more...suave. However that's matter for another time mon ami..." He smiled at me and turned around.

I could see Antonio and Gilbert watching us in his distance, both looked a bit apprehensive for some reason. When Francis joined them Antonio said something and pet him on the shoulder, Gilbert said something as well and they walked off together. I turned around and joined the crowed on my way up to my next class...

Francis was acting odd, more so than usual and I didn't really understand why he was so preoccupied with my feelings. He reminded me of one of those crazed housewives on those programs my mother likes to watch.

Blast. That was a nasty image! Francis as my...wife?

What is wrong with me?

...

Why does my life suck? I mean really. I'm Alfred. F Jones. My life was supposed to be perfect! I was popular, nice, funny, heroic, starving...

My stomach growled as I sat on the bunch in gym. I was benched. My coach saw me stumbling and passed me a Gatorade. He told me to sit this one out so instead of working I started doing my homework and eating crackers thinking about how much my life sucked.

Not only did my love interest hate me, but when I left the library guess who I ran into! My-so-called-friends-who-I-thought-I-got-rid-of-but-nope!

They didn't say anything, they acted just like usual even the guy I punched! Apparently he felt like he deserved it for saying things like that about my brother and me and wanted to know if we were cool. Really?

It isn't really in me to hold grudges, except toward Francis because I hate him, so I forgave him but that in no means made us friends again! But some people just don't understand boundaries. They continued to talk and chat like we were all buddy- buddy again even though I didn't really say anything.

What is wrong with me?

Am I doomed to be one of the cool kids forever?

I wish I could have just pushed them off but...

I just want people to like me y'know?

I sighed and watched everyone play.

I didn't really like anyone here but I actually enjoyed watching them play. Some of the really good ones went shirtless (score one!) . They all looked so strong. They had rippling muscles and were sweating really hard.

I knew Arthur didn't have a body like that, I wasn't sure what he looked like but I wanted to know.

We never had gym or anything like that together so I never got to see him changing. I sighed and thought about it; Arthur probably looked faultless. In my imagination Arthur would fit perfectly in my arms and he would always smile. In my imagination Arthur actually liked me.

But that was just it. It was in my imagination.

He would never like me...

"Hey..." I know that voice. I turned my head and it was Feliks. He smiled at me.

"Hey..."

"Like, do you mind if I sat here?"

"No..." I moved my bag and sat it on the other side of me so he could sit. He smiled and plopped down on the bench. Feliks was in my gym class but I always forgot because I never saw him! I remember him showing up on the first day but he never came back. I thought he switched classes at first but then I continued to see him everyone once and a while and figured that he just ditched.

I didn't really blame him. Guy's the in locker room can be brutal, epically to people who are different. I had Feliciano in my gym class last year and man...

If Ludwig wasn't around he probably would have gotten bullied a lot but no one messed with Feli because they were afraid of Ludwig.

Feliks didn't really have anyone to protect him against bullies though, I felt kind of bad because it wasn't really fair. Why can't people just be different? What's wrong with expressing yourself? I turned around and he was uh...watching me.

He turned away when I turned toward him but I didn't say anything about it. It was actually kind of flattering that he seemed to like me a bit. A compliment is a compliment y'know? The shitty way I've been feeling I'll take them where I can.

" Like, why aren't you playing with them?" He asked me.

"I guess I didn't really feel up to it..." I shrugged.

"Oh...whatcha working on?"

"English study guide..."

"Ew...I hate English class, it's totally boring..."

"I know. They don't even teach us English!"

"Exactly. It's just that horrible Shakespeare stuff, I totally hate it but Toris loves the guy...gross..." I snorted and he laughed.

"You snort when you laugh? That's so cute!"

"Dude! That's embarrassing!" I blushed.

"I'm sorry!" He covered his mouth. "Like, Toris snorts when he laughs too and I think it's just super adorable is all..." He seemed really apologetic and I really didn't know what to do.

I didn't want anyone to hear him say that but I knew didn't really mind. I guess he figured that I just didn't want him to say things like that.

"It's ok...It's not that I just hate the way it sounds..."

"But why? There's nothing bad about it..."

I shrugged. He did the same and we turned back to watch the game. Feliks didn't seem to be interested, I doubted he even knew what was going on. I watched him go into his bag and pull out a stick like thing. He turned to me.

"Want one?" I guess it was some sort of treat. I shook my head and he shrugged again.

We actually talked on and off about a few things. He told me that he was only here because the teacher said if she showed up to he wouldn't fail him. Apparently he made up for his missed classes by doing health essays, or rather having Toris do them from what I deducted. He says he has a weak stomach so he didn't like gym and that the locker room smelled like corn chips and he hated it.

Apparently he is a second generation Polish immigrant and he often times has to work at his moms bakery. His dad is a banker and he thinks it's weird.

I told him about Mattie and how my parents were divorced. I liked him if he liked video games but he says that is wasn't really his thing but seemed interested in what I was saying. I wasn't really that interesting but he seemed to think otherwise.

I wondered what my so-called-friends would say if they say me talking to him like this. Ha. They'd problem say something like. "dude why are you hangin' around that fag? You must be one too!'

I frowned.

What would happen if people found out? I didn't want them too but...

I liked Arthur, a lot. I liked being able to make friends(?) with Feliks, I liked being friends with Feliciano and Ludwig...

I just don't want to give that up.

So what?

Do I just say "fuck you" and walk away from my peaceful(?) life? I mean, sure it's fully of inner turmoil but on the outside it does seem perfect.

What would my Mom say?

What if I really did like girls? How would I know? Maybe I'm not fully gay but just bi-sexual or curious or something?

I've never tried anything like that before...

How do I know what I am?

Finally the bell rang and everyone ran out the gym to change. Because Feliks didn't bother to wear his uniform he just went to his locker after saying buy to me and asking to stop by the bakery sometimes soon.

The day was over and everyone wanted to go home including me. It was weird but I guess I made a new friend today...

He seemed so happy when he left gym that I wasn't really expecting to hear him yelling down the hallway...

"Ugh! You're so stupid!"

I was actually on my way to my way out when I heard him. I was bundled up in my coat and prepared to leave for home.

I wondered who he was talking to.

When I turned the corner he was basically charging at me, I could barely see Toris looking at him from down the hall and I wanted to wave but Feliks basically assaulted me when he noticed I was there.

"Alfred will you walk home with me please?" He asked. I felt like he was trying to sound happy when he was really upset at someone.

"Uh...sure..." I looked up and Toris was still looking at us. I waved at him and he gave me a small wave back before I felt myself being pushed and pulled around the corner...

...

Like, for someone so smart Toris is really dumb. I mean you would think that if someone was bent on making your life a living hell that you would stay away from their crazy step sister right? Wrong.

I don't understand why he even likes that Natalia chick she's crazy! She's totally in love with Ivan (in a totally creepy stalker way) and she's out to hurt him (Toris) and yet...

Ugh! He makes me so like, upset!

He's so like, stupid!

I-It's not fair...

I didn't really mean too, but I just grabbed Alfred on impulse y'know? I hope he didn't mind walking with me. I was kind of upset so I didn't say anything but I guess he thought it was weird so when we got out the side door he actually said something.

"Is everything alright dude?"

"Everything is like, totally fine..."

"You sure? "

"Yeah..." I sighed. It was really cold outside, I didn't have my gloves so I had to keep my hands in my pockets.

"Where do you live anyway?" It totally donned on me. Alfred lived near Toris and we didn't really live in the same direction. I mean, we walked a few blocks together but once we got to that elementary school we separated. I guess we could just do the same thing but it didn't really make sense to ask someone to walk with you unless you like, lived really close. It wasn't far but...well, you like know what I mean right?

"Oh, you don't have to worry about it Alfred I just live a little past that elementary school and after we get there we can just separate..."

"Ok..."

I wonder what was on his mind. He was probably thinking of why Toris and I were arguing...or rather why I screamed at him. I sighed. Toris probably hates me now.

I like, always seem to be the one who causes trouble in our relationship and I know he probably gets tired of being pushed around by me. He asked me why I couldn't be more supportive of him and I basically just called him stupid. I mean, what he was doing _was _stupid I'm not going to lie but...

Maybe I could have been a bit nicer...

I didn't realize it but I think I started to sniffle while I was walking. I didn't want him to hate me.

"Hey are you sure you're ok?" Alfred asked me. He was so totally sweet...

"...Toris totally hates me..." I told him...

"I doubt it..."

"You just like, don't understand..." How could he understand? I mean like. Everyone liked Alfred didn't they? I'm sure he's never been hated by someone he liked.

"That's not true...I understand how you feel..."

"Pshh...yeah right..."

"Yeah...like...I like someone, but they hate me..." Oh...

"Do they really?"

"Yeah..."

"That's a bummer...so you can't like, be together then huh?" He sighed. Yeah. I totally know how he feels...

"No...It's just...I dunno..."

"Yeah I like, totally know the feeling..." I think he was kind of surprised when I said that. He just looked at me and I shrugged. A bit up the road I could see that kiddy park and no one was even playing on it! Do you know what that means? Free swings! Ok. Like, I know what you must be thinking but swings are awesome! They're almost as great as ponies which, by the way, are like my total favorite thing!

I was so distracted the swings and my pony thoughts that I barely heard him say something to me.

"What?"

"...How did it turn out for you?"

"How did what turn out for me?"

"Y'know...your crush?"

"Oh...well..." I had to think about it. I mean, it's not like this is something that happened a while ago or anything. I'm just...tragically in love.

"I had to move on..." Or at least try too. It wasn't really that easy but...

"I guess that makes sense..." He sighed. I nodded and we continued walking in silence. Life was so unfair. I thought I was the only one with problems like this but I guess not. We walked past the playground.

"Dude the swings are free!" He pointed out. I grinned.

"Like, lets go play!" I stepped off the sidewalk and started walking toward the playground and he followed. I claimed the swing closest to the rood and began to pump. Alfred sat beside me but he was looking as solemn as I felt.

I sighed.

"We are like...so pathetic..." He mumbled.

"You think?" He chuckled.

"Yeah. Like, for one thing we're at a park and we aren't, like, having any fun! Second off we both continue to pin after people we just can't have..."

"You might be right about that..." I'm not sure which he was agreeing too I nodded. "Maybe we should just form some sort of club..." I'm pretty sure that was a joke...

"Yeah, it'll be fun. We can just like, do whatever and complain a lot..." I suggested half heartedly but he didn't seem to notice.

"Yeah..."

I swung myself with my foot.

"So...are you over them?"

"What?"

"The person you like...were you able to move on?"

I looked at him and I tried to smile.

"I'm trying..." He nodded.

We should totally form that club...

...

* * *

_**Lets Learn History!**_

_**Japan and British Relationship:**_

_**The relationship between them began really late on in comparison to most countries but considering that there both loners, I don't really blame them. These two formed a relationship 1600 when this sailor named William Adams traveled to Kyūshū at Usuki in Ōita Prefecture (Wikipedia told me that one!) He's thought to be the first Englishman ever to travel to Japan! He taught the Japanese to make western style ships, helped out with trade, and lots of other things before he died. Between 1641 and 1853 there really weren't any relations between the two countries at all. However the treaty of 1854 brought them back together but then World War Two kind of put a damper on things when Japan joined the Axis and Britain was a part of the Allied forces and kind of occupied Japan for a while together with America and some British territories. But they did manage to make up and the relationship between the two of them remains very strong even today! On 3 May 2011, British Foreign Secretary William Hague said that Japan was "unquestionably our closest partner in Asia".**_

_**It seems like England and Japan are good friends huh?**_

_**A bit shorter than usual but this chapter was a bit longer so...yeah.**_

* * *

Looks like something complicated is happening...

This is crazy you guys, I'm not sure how much of this I can take!

Why are high schoolers so fickle? Why is love so hard?

Sigh...

I hope you enjoyed it!


	7. Chapter 7

****Note: Wales shows up in this chapter, but the concept of him is based on Beeks...just fyi.**

**Warning: Religious things.**

* * *

For a while after that Feliks and I talked a bit about random things like school and home life. I never really had anyone to talk about with things like this and it made me sort of happy that he was able to help me though some stuff, like I told him about my trouble with history and he suggested I look at the countries as if they were people, weird I know, for example he told me that he views the Declaration of Independence as a bad break up letter with Britain on the grounds that: his father (king George) was a tyrant, they were neglectful (Salutary neglect), they took money from their bank account without asking, they stayed over his house without permission, and things like that (intolerable acts) and more things like that.

It's funny but it actually makes sense.

After a while his mom called him and he had to go home, we said out goodbyes and I went home to study. I wondered if Feliks could possibly help me with some of my other problems, y'know the whole liking boys thing. He's nice enough and even though he gets distracted easily I know he'll listen but...

I just don't know.

Mattie doesn't even know about it. Kiku knows but I don't think he'd understand what I'm going through. I didn't really have any close friends, and especially none I could ask about it, I'm not sure who I could turn to...

"- They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might,"

I opened the door and Mom was sitting in the front room with her mentor whatever you want to call it, she's basically the person my mom has to report all her 'sins' to and get 'advice' from. They were sitting on the couch reading the bible together.

"Hello Alfred..." Mom smiled at me and I tried to smile back. I wondered what part of the bible they were reading, but then again I didn't really care. It was probably the Old Testament... They're always talking about eternal damnation in the Old Testament...

"Good afternoon Alfred, would you like to join our study?" She smiled at me.

I hated this woman.

Every time I go near her I start to get this really horrible feel in my stomach, and I know that she's judging me. She claims that anyone who hasn't been baptized and lives like a 'disciple' is lost in the world and doesn't belong to God, and because they don't belong to God, they'll go to hell (well, everyone in that church place says that but...still.)

She's a bit older than my mom so that puts her at forty-something years old, she's got red hair and is always smiling, even when she starts talking about eternal damnation that smile never leaves her face and it's creepy. She's a nice looking woman, or at least she would have been if she didn't wear so much make up.

Her favorite bible verse is **Colossians 3:18 **and I know this because she says it to my mom all the time.

"Colossians 3:18 dear; ' Wives, place yourselves under your husbands' authority. This is appropriate behavior for the Lord's people.' You need to obey everything the bible says, but how can you obey the bible if you don't have a husband?"

Or something like that.

I know she's married and has three kids who are all still in school but already they're Jesus freaks (this I know for a fact.)

One of them has the same name as my Mom, Amelia and is a bit order than I am. Amelia is blond and she's a cute girl but not my type at all, I keep telling this to mom but she wants me to go out with her so she can be a good influence on my life.

'She's such a nice girl, I'm sure she'd be happy to spend time with you if you asked her!' She says...

Amelia is always happy and when she met me she wanted to become friends instantly, she gave me her number and mom gave her mine, she occasionally sends me bible verse text messages and things like that...

"No thank you, I've got a lot of studying to do..."

I tried to ignore them and go upstairs but she still wanted to talk to me!

She asked me about my day at school, how I was doing and things like that but I felt as if she was waiting for me to say something else, something about my day that went wrong so she could offer to pray with me or try to introduce me to 'making God apart of every aspect of my life.'

I managed to cut whatever it was she was saying short and went up the stairs and into my room.

"God bless him, you really must do something about him Amelia, don't you want him to join the Kingdom of God?"

"Of course I do, Alfred is so stubborn though, he probably got it from his father..."

"Of course. You're just so humble dear, I doubt he picked it up from you..."

"W-Why thank you."

"Mhmm..."

I couldn't really hear anything they were saying for the next few minutes and it was weird but I was happy I couldn't.

"I'll ask Amelia to spend some time with him, she'll be happy to help reach out to him..."

"Thank you so much Jillian, that would be such a blessing!"

"You don't have to thank me..."

What? They were still talking about it? I sighed and shut my door. I had work that I needed to do.

I got a message from Kiku but I ignored it, I really didn't feel about hearing about Arthur...

I just wanted to be normal...

I pretty much stayed in my room the whole day after that, I could still hear Jillian and Mom downstairs reading.

Reading about saving the lost so they can join the Kingdom of God.

They read about how not everyone could be saved and how those people will be cast into the flames of hell.

How people must be taken away from their sin because God can't be with sin, therefore God cannot be with a sinner. ..

_' They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'_

Can it please just be Tuesday..?

...

I walked into school the next day and I didn't feel well at all. I was tired and I didn't really have the energy to do anything. I was heading to my locker when I saw Toris.

He looked really scared and he was shaking like some sort of hypochondriac who didn't have their meds. When I walked a bit further I could see why.

Ivan was standing in front of him with a big smile on his face.

"Merry Christmas..."

Y'know, I don't think I've ever seen someone so scared after hearing those words, actually I've never heard anyone get scared because of that.

Christmas was a happy time where everyone smiled and gave to each another, or at least that's what I always thought.

Toris, on the other hand, was terrified.

Ivan had a small colorful Christmas bag with him and that was it, I watched him hand it to Toris, or at least hold it up for Toris who stood there for a while before he pushed it towards him again, I guess trying to show him it was for him, until Toris finally understood and took it.

"F-For me?" Ivan nodded and Toris looked really nervous, as if he was scared to see what was inside. "B-But it's not even C-Christmas..." He jumped after that comment, I couldn't really tell but maybe Ivan got upset and was going to attack him! I felt like I had to do something but...I just didn't have any motivation. I tried my best to do something, to speak up or to head over but my body just didn't want to, and besides...

He didn't seem to get mad though, instead he laughed.

Ivan laughed. It wasn't one of those 'kolkolkol' things Feliks said he did it either, it sounded like a normal human laugh, if not a bit light for a guy his size, but still.

"I won't be seeing you over the holidays, correct? It is almost American Christmas, so I thought to buy you a little gift..."

"W-Well thank you..." Toris gave him a nervous smile. "I-I'm sorry I don't have anything f-for you Ivan..."

"That is fine..."

"W-Well um...M-Merry Christmas..." Toris told him, and Ivan smiled again .

We passed each other in the hall but he didn't really spare me a second glance, he just seemed really happy for some reason.

After he disappeared around the corner I made my way toward him, Toris stuffed the gift bag in his locker in haste.

"Hey..." I stopped short of Toris and he turned around and smiled at me, I noticed he was still somewhat nervous from his meeting with Ivan but overall he was fine.

No scratches, no bruises, nothing.

"Hello Alfred, how are you?" He asked me. I shrugged. I wasn't feeling all that great, I was really tied and didn't want to be here but that wasn't really what I was concerned about.

I wasn't really paying much attention to whether or not Toris actually opened his 'present' or whatever it was and wanted to know if he'd be alright.

He smiled at me.

"Are you ready for your exams today?"

"Yeah today should be easy I guess, I don't think I'm ready for my history test tomorrow though..."

"What history class do you take?"

"U.S. History..." I hated that class more than anything else, just thinking about it made me sick!

"Well, I have my AP U.S. History exam tomorrow, it won't be the same but maybe I could help you, it'll be a nice review for me too so it isn't any trouble..."

"Yeah...that'll be cool..." I tried to smile the best I could. Toris was being so nice to me, and I felt so bad that I couldn't feel happy about it. What's wrong with me today? I've just been in such a blue mood...

"Well after school then? I only have one test , I can't get out of taking A.P. Biology, but I'll be going home early so if you want you can come over to my house..."

At that moment Toris seemed to have remembered something. He turned toward two boys, one was short and the other had glasses, he apologized for neglecting them, but for some reason they seemed pretty used to it, like maybe it was typical for Toris to forget about them or leave them in favor of someone else.

It was sad to think about, but I know Toris didn't do it on purpose and I understand how easily it happens.

When I was younger I would always flock to Arthur no matter who I was with. He was my best friend so to me it just seemed natural, now that I think about it I hope he didn't mind.

That's actually part of the reason I guess Toris and I never got to be really close friends even though we grew up across the street from one another.

But with Artie, sometimes I would see him talking to Francis but then I would come and he always would always leave him for me in the end.

And in a way I guess I felt a bit bad for him, (but not really because he was a jerk. )

Y'know, when I was a kid Francis never really picked on Arthur, it was me he always teased but Arthur would come to my rescue. I guess if he didn't they probably could have been friends.

Maybe he would have been better off if we were never friends.

He would have had an easier life, no one would have betrayed him and told his secret and he would have had a lot of friends.

Arthur was never this bitter before. He was always happy and smiling. We used to do everything together, even some pretty embarrassing things but everything was great, everything was so perfect and I was so happy but then...

I ruined his life...

Sometimes I wonder why I ever try. It's obvious that Arthur would never feel the same way about me, maybe I _should_ try moving on.

I felt so pathetic pinning after him when I know it'll never happen.

It's nothing but a waste of my time, and now I even got Kiku involved! It's nothing but a waste and I shouldn't have let him get wrapped up in it...

I felt so bad between my issues with Arthur , to these stupid tests to Jilians visit yesterday I just didn't know what to do!

I felt so stressed and confused that after she left the house, I ate.

I ate whatever I could find and I felt so disgusting but I couldn't stop. It made me feel better I guess, eating things that tasted good, I felt like I could smile again but after I was done with one thing I felt terrible again.

I felt horrible for eating so much and horrible about Arthur, horrible for being a gay man or whatever the hell I was, I felt disgusting, I felt sick, there was something wrong with me and I couldn't stop myself from eating.

I ate until I felt sick and ended up barfing in the bathroom, luckily my mom wasn't home or she would've gotten overly worried.

I felt so gross, the only thing I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die...

I hated myself.

What was wrong with me? It was just a boy right? It's just food? It's just a religion that I don't even know if I believe in...

I shouldn't be reacting so strongly but...

No matter what I did I couldn't shake my mood. I wasn't hungry, I didn't feel like doing anything or speaking to anyone, I didn't even have enough energy to get the door when I heard mom knocking after she came home from dropping Jillian off I guess...

She had to used her key and I guess she just assumed I was asleep and didn't bother me.

So I went to sleep and I don't even remember dreaming...

The bell rung, I needed to get to class.

Maybe getting my mind of this will do be some good...

...

_Arthur _

Physical Education should not have final exams.

I find it repetitive and unneeded, much like the game of dodge ball which exists only as a way to show social dominance and is the equivalence to stoning.

Yet I truly believed that no one could hate dodge ball more than I, however I've never seen Francis play the game before today.

I shouldn't have even been there, I had fairly good grades in gym so I didn't have to take any final exam but I had duties to attend to as the senior class president.

I wasn't in Francis' class, however I needed to deliver papers and thus I saw him.

He and Gilbert had gym class together apparently and I almost pitied him when Gilbert was chosen for the other team and was thus forced to abandon him, he looked positively terrified as the game begun and I found the situation ironic.

During our younger years Francis jumped at the chance to play this accursed game.

I suppose he found it as a way to bully us without getting into trouble, us as in Alfred and I...

I sighed. I still cannot believe that Alfred Fucking (I'm sure that is what the F. really stands for and not Franklin or Foster or whatever the hell he claimed) Jones and I were actually friends at some point in time.

I guess back then he wasn't so much of a bastard because I truly considered him my best friend and I thought we would have been together forever but...

He changed.

He changed and I felt so foolish wanting to be together.

I should have known that after he came back from weight loss camp he would be different but I didn't expect a personality shift at all. He became loud and boisterous and it was odd, yet no matter what I still wanted to be his friend.

I did everything I could to rebuild our friendship because we'd lost so much time that summer, it was our fifth grade year and I guess that meant something for us.

I was lonely without Alfred around, I even asked my parents if I could go to camp after I discovered he would be leaving but of course they told me no on the grounds that is was a special camp.

Without much to do I stayed at home for most of the summer and I guess that's when I got used to being alone, reading books and other things like that.

My father kicked me out the house one day, telling me to get some sunshine and I ended up running into Francis. For some reason or another I agreed to hang out with him, he was no Alfred but I suppose he was alright to spend time with during the summer but the moment Alfred walked into our fifth grade class I clung to him.

I was so pathetic.

I let one of our classmates, I do believe her name was Emma or something, have the seat Francis saved for me in favor of sitting with Alfred.

I recall being so happy to see him and as much as I would hate to admit to it he looked really nice.

If I had to put a word to it today Alfred was cute before, I didn't mind him chubby but apparently his mother found it unacceptable and made him loose the weight even though he was only a bit plump from what I can recall, so now he wasn't 'cute' but rather...handsome? My young mind had trouble finding the words to describe it but we had a lot to catch up upon, I didn't realize it then but I suppose that hurt Francis' feelings, although he clearly had other friends namely Antonio and Gilbert. He knew full well that Alfred was my best friend so I'm not sure why he became angry at him. He began to pick on Alfred relentlessly and of course by default me.

This was the first time I was to be in the same class as Alfred and he seemed to be as excited as I was. However I began to notice certain changes, I suppose you could say he gained confidence in himself and while that was not a bad thing I began to feel as if he no longer needed me.

He no longer cried when Francis made fun of him and became rather combative toward him, especially during the times I happened to be involved, yet he continued to reach out for more friends.

He would spend time with others at school, yet afterschool and during the weekends we would be together and while I knew and although we shared everything, from food to odd experiences that I'd rather not tell anyone about, and we were clearly still best friends I couldn't always be his only friend I felt...betrayed?

Perhaps it was because he seemed to be my only friend, that I only opted to spend time with Antonio or Francis when he was with someone else, and goodness was that foolish!

I was a fool.

Alfred Fucking Jones made the biggest fool out of me!

I must have looked so stupid the way I always chased after him...

He was the world to me, yet he didn't give a shit about me.

I didn't always have problems, but when I do they come in the form of obnoxious, lying, two-faced American bastards who can't keep their mouths shut.

I hate him.

Why couldn't I see him for the conniving jerk he was back then? Why did I have to give him so much effort? So much time?

I just can't believe the two of us were friends! I can't believe I actually liked him...

I wish I hadn't even begun to think about things like that, I feel sick, how on earth did those thoughts come to be? I was so distracted that I hadn't even done what I came here to do, instead I just watched that stupid game until the bell rung signaling the end of the period.

I hastily gave the gym teacher the papers.

I wasn't sure what dodge ball had to do to with final exams but I didn't care how he choose to run his class, as long as I didn't have to play I was happy.

I turned to leave the gym.

I hadn't seen Kiku at all today...I wondered where he was...

I worked up the courage to text him yesterday evening in an attempt to initiate conversation, however I then realized I had nothing to speak to him about and I felt awkward when he answered and realized this to be true. It did not help that Owen was trying to catch up with me and began telling me all about how great Wales was and how cute he thinks the sheep are...

Apparently he met someone special, a girl from New Zealand, but he's yet to actually talk to her. However by the stalker picture he took I think his new love interest is a boy...

I told Alistair and he says to keep it 'hush hush' for kicks, I didn't really care but I know that once my third and final brother arrives they'll have fun with that information. (Although upon further inspection the person in question may be female...It was a bit hard to tell...)

Christmas vacation is sure to be a blast...

I began to wander the halls, many students were preparing to leave for the day either having no more finals or a scheduled lunch break, but Kiku didn't seem to be amongst them. He was a very intelligent boy so perhaps he didn't have to take tests because he'd gotten an A or B in the class?

Regardless, I knew I was free to go because what I delivered to the gym was the final paper and I didn't need to take a test in English.

I had chemistry tomorrow and I knew I needed to study more for that, I figured that I would leave and perhaps I could ask Owen to assist me, that is until I received a text from Francis...

...

_Alfred_

The day was done. I took my art test first and my Spanish test second, I could have done well in Art if it was just drawing, but there were all sorts of rules and terms that I needed to know and I found it stupid.

I thought art was about artistic expression.

I wasn't the best artist but I was good enough. I had a C in the class and I guess I brought it up to a B after the test, I'll know later...

Spanish was a class that I couldn't really say I was interested in, I took it to fulfill a graduation requirement and if my teacher wasn't so weird I could have learned something. She was loud and always cranky, that is when she was around! How could I learn anything if the teacher wasn't around? I didn't understand Spanish so I had a D and probably did terrible on the test.

Whatever.

I sighed and started walking to my locker.

I saw Kiku for a bit earlier during passing period and he wanted to talk to me. I could tell he felt bad about yesterday but I told him not to worry because it wasn't his fault Arthur hated me.

Then I told him that I should move on.

Kiku seemed like he was really surprised at me.

"You knew this would be difficult when you decided to pursue your feelings, you simply cannot give up on them now..." He told me. "I thought you liked him..."

"I do like him Kiku...but I'm fooling myself if I think he'll ever want to be with me..."

I wanted to tell him what else was on my mind, I wanted to ask him if there was something wrong with my feeling for him in the first place but I couldn't.

Kiku just wouldn't understand.

I didn't really know who to ask about this sort of thing. I had Feliciano, but it's not like we were good friends or anything like that. I knew he was Catholic and I wasn't really sure what that meant for him, but according to what the people at church say all religions are wrong accept Christianity.

Because Jesus should be the cornerstone of the church and no one else.

They say that we should die every day for God and that made us strong, that we needed to repress not only our urges but impure thoughts to begin with and if we didn't do that...

We'd go to hell.

Did that mean that I would go to hell for having these feelings for Arthur? What about Arthur, he liked guys too.

What about Ludwig and Feliciano? Feliks? Hell what about Francis?

And it isn't even that. They say that you must repress impure thoughts about anything. So did that mean even if I liked girls if I thought one of them was hot I'd go to tell for thinking about them? I didn't understand...

I didn't know what to do. I felt so lost and alone and I think Kiku picked up on that.

He tried to ask me what was wrong, if anything else was bothering me and I could tell he was concerned but I didn't want to talk about it.

I felt like my thoughts were irrational, that there was no way God could hate me for liking boys because I was born this way, every American medical association says so, and if I was born this way that would mean that was how he made me right?

How could he hate me for making me a certain way?

That's what I tried to tell myself but damnit I was scared!

What if I was wrong and they were right?

Why couldn't I just be normal?

Why did I have to like boys? Or rather like 'A' boy? It's not like I'm gay right? I like one person.

I've never kissed a boy for real, and I've never kissed a girl, so how would I know?

Maybe I'm confusing myself.

Maybe I just want to be Arthur's friend again.

Maybe I'm just a late bloomer and when I find the right girl I can be happy...

Kiku was worried about me.

He told me that he would text me after school because the bell rung and he needed to go to his next class, apparently AP classes don't let you skip finals for having good grades and I guess it made sense.

It was after school now and I hadn't gotten that text yet, I felt like I was dreading it but I guess I was happy that he was concerned.

I wanted him to text me but at the same time I didn't and instead of getting his text, I ran into Feliks.

"Hey!" He seemed cheerful.

"Hey..."

"Toris left school early today, do you, like, mind walking with me?"

"Nah, that's cool. You're leaving now right?"

"Yeah!" I smiled at him. I guess it was hard not to smile when he seemed so happy.

"My mom surprised me with new boots, do you like them?" I looked down at his boots, they were a neutral color brown but had little hearts on them so I guess they were girl shoes.

Feliks was lucky, his parents seemed supportive of his life choices.

I could never expect Mom to be like that, Dad I wasn't really sure of but he was always really lax about everything, sometimes I wished I could live with him instead.

I'm supposed to go to his house for the weekend, like Mattie did with me, but I feel like I should stay home, just so I can have an excuse to spend Christmas weekend with him and not with Mom.

"They're nice..."

His smile faltered.

"Hey, are you ok?" He asked me. No. No I wasn't ok. I was confused and depressed, and I just didn't know what to do!  
We walked outside and I felt like having a mental breakdown, have you ever felt like that?

I mean, nothing was going right for me and I didn't have anyone to talk to...

"Alfred?"

"Huh?"

"Are you ok?"

I really didn't know what to do. I felt like I could tell him what was wrong but...

I just didn't know.

I wanted to tell someone, I really did...

But...

"Seriously Alfred, if there's anything wrong you know you can, like, totally tell me about it if you want..."

Could I really let keep this all pent up?

I felt my phone vibrate in my coat pocket, probably a text from Kiku or something, I remember telling myself to answer it but instead I did something else...

"I think I like guys..."

I panicked. I panicked and I made him my confidant without thinking of it. He was quiet for a moment as if he was thinking it over to himself, and I got scared.

What would he say? Logically I guess rejecting me wouldn't make sense but...

He nodded to himself and looked at me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me. I was quiet for a moment and I thought about saying no. I wanted to talk but at the same time I didn't. It's not like we were close friends or anything but from a logical standpoint it is easier to talk to a stranger than to someone close (not that he's a stranger or anything.)

We stopped walking as I thought. He was willing to listen to me...

I nodded and he nodded back.

" Ok. Let's go to that little park and talk about it. I know how you feel so don't worry..." He smiled at me and took my hand, and instantly I felt like everything was ok again, like the weight of the world was being taken off my shoulders because I had someone to talk too. I curled my fingers around his smaller hands and he led me away.

We went to the playground behind the elementary school and sat on the swings.

"Like...I know this isn't the easiest thing in the world so...you don't have to tell me if you don't want to...I'm like, just here if you need me kay? I can give you my number and stuff if you want..."

According to Toris, Feliks was selfish, but he had those rare moments of selfishness, that he was trying to work on, that made him a very good friend, I guess this was one of those times he was talking about.

I pulled my phone out my pocket and decided to look at Kiku's message later, I clumsily passed him my phone.

It sucked not to have anyone to talk too about this sort of thing, I guess I must have sounded so stupid to him though, he acted like it was no big deal but to me it was the world: it was my life, my family, my comfort, my everything...

"Feliks?"

"Hmm?"

"How do you know if you like dudes?" I asked. I was confused and I needed help. I guess he could tell me better than anyone else I knew...

"Hmm...well...I guess it's kind of hard to explain really, I guess when you like anyone you just get really nervous or flustered and when you think about it you get happy or sad depending on the situation...to be honest, for me I get the same feeling of being scared..."

"Scared?"

"Yeah...like...can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure..."

"I really like Toris...like, a lot. So whenever I'm around him I feel like I need to run away. My heart starts beating faster and I get all gross and sweaty, but he's my best friend and he likes that creepy Natalia girl so when I think about it I get sad...besides he only seems to like girls so I'm out of luck anyway..."

"Oh..." I felt bad for him, I guess we were in the same boat...

"So...Toris was...?"

"The crush I told you about yesterday...y'know the person I need to move on from..." He sighed. "But like, it's really hard..."

"Yeah...I know...I-It's just I don't know if I like guys or not or if it's just one certain dude...I never really liked anyone before so how do I know if what I feel about him is love or not? I always thought I did but..."

"What made you so unsure?"

"..."

"Do you not want to talk about it?"  
"Well...It's just...my feelings go against what they say is right..."

"They?"

"The church my mom goes to..."

"Oh...well, like, tell me what you think about it..."

"I dunno.." I shrugged.

"You've got to, have an opinion of it right? Like...if you could, would you rather like girls?" I bit my lip. The answer was yes but I didn't want to offend him or anything like that...

"I probably would...at least until people stopped being such assholes..." He told me.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Like. I love being me, I remember the first time I got curious and put on my cousins blue stripped dress, I don't know why I did it but I did and it was, like, so weird. I was only about 5 or 6 but I felt like, 'this is so right.' I knew it was weird and that normal boys didn't play dress up but I loved it! I felt so...natural. For a while I tried to hide it, I didn't want anyone to know because I felt like it was wrong but...I just felt so drawn to girls clothes and the aspect of being more feminine I guess. Woman are totally beautiful, they just have something about them that men don't and I just wanted to explore it. I would do my hair, sometimes I would paint my nails, put on dresses, just to see the appeal and at first it was for fun but then I guess I just got comfortable..." He explained."To be honest I'm totally shy, I hate talking to new people but I guess when I'm wearing a cute outfit or something I just gain more confidence in myself..."

I understood. Feliks seemed to be happy with himself the way he was but I if he could he would change until people got more tolerant.

But I wasn't sure if I felt the same. If I could change, I would do so just for the sake of being normal...

"I just feel like...well...I've never kissed or dated anyone before...this is the first person I ever feel like I liked and I don't know if I'm scared because he hates me or scared because I like him and I don't know what to do..."

"Mhmm...well, this is, like, a difficult situation. You seriously never liked anyone before him?" I shook my head. And if I had I couldn't recall.

"Hmm...Oh. This is the person you, like, told me about yesterday isn't it?" I nodded. "Hmmm...well um...sorry but I guess I don't know what to tell you...I guess...you could just be curious or something..." He shrugged.

"Curious?"

"Yeah, like..there's a lot more to sexuality than being gay or straight..."

"Yeah because you can be bi-sexual too..." I felt confused but he just smiled.

"I won't confuse you with the details right now, you ,like, don't need to label yourself...but is that the only reason you feel like you like men?"

"Well...sometimes when I watch porn I find myself staring at...y'know...and I think..."

Yeah...

I was actually telling him this! He laughed.

"H-hey! That isn't funny!"

"Like, sorry. But it's alright you don't have to feel embarrassed or anything." He waved his hand. I started to feel a bit better after that. I felt better knowing that I could talk about my problems openly but I still felt so confused.

"You could always try experimenting or something..." He shrugged.

"Experiment? Like...I should kiss a dude or something?" The thought of it made me blush. What if I kissed Arthur? I wonder how I would feel...

Would it be like kissing a girl? Should I kiss a girl?

Then I guess I would be able to compare, but...would it make sense if I didn't like the person? Is that counterproductive?

Should I kiss...him?

"Well...I'm, like, not so sure that's the best way but...whatever makes you happy I guess..." He shrugged.

"I really can't think of another way...I mean I guess I could wait around for him but..."

"You don't know if he'd like you back...I get it..." He shrugged again.

"Yeah...and it's not like I never thought of it..."

"Mhmmm..."

I looked at him. I mean yeah, he wasn't unattractive or anything but...

That would be weird. Way to weird. I couldn't...

It didn't make any sense because I liked Arthur...

I sighed.

This was so confusing for me, more confusing then History-

Shit!

I almost forgot about Toris! I needed to see him! I think my sudden realization started Feliks because he jumped and almost fell back on the swing. Luckily he caught himself and I let out a sigh of relief.

"You ok dude?"

"Yeah..." He pulled himself up and I stood up.

"I need to head to Toris' house, I have a history test and he said he'd help me study but I gotta head home first..."

"Alright, that's cool. I should be going home too but I hope I was able to help..." I nodded.

The two of us began walking back toward the school to get to the corner so we could separate. Once we got to the steps, Feliks got a text message and pulled his phone from his pocket.

"Who's that?" I asked him.

"Oh, it's like, no one important just one of my girlfriends Eliza, you might know her..."

"Oh..."

We were walked to the corner.

"So, if you need anything else you can, like, just ask ok? I'll do my best to help you..."

"Alright..."

"Cool. So like, see you later ok?" I nodded and he turned around.

"Uh...wait..." I called.

"Hmm..?"

I still don't know why I called him back. Maybe I really didn't want to leave yet?

Actually. No. I won't lie to you.

I know exactly why I called him back...

"Ya?"

"Um..."

He giggled again and began walking towards me.

"Like, if you don't use words I don't know what you're saying..."

This wasn't right. I was supposed to be a hero right? I should be able to do this and yet...

"Y'know. Toris is really mean to me. He always tells me I'm selfish and impulsive because he says I do things without thinking of other people. Like, one time I kisses a football player and that didn't really end well..." He sighed.

"But...would it be ok?"

I still don't know how on earth I knew what he was saying. I don't know what he was thinking, hell I can't even tell you what I was thinking!

I just nodded.

He looked down at his boots, maybe trying to build confidence? He looked at me and stood on his toes and before I could comprehend what was happening his lips were on mine.

It probably didn't last long but I felt my whole body tremble, I felt tingly and weird and I could feel my heart beating faster than it probably should have.

It was over in a blink of an eye but I felt like it lasted longer than that. He took a step away from me and turned away.

"So...?" He asked.

"I uh..."

He laughed.

"I'm sorry to report that you probably _do _like boys..."

"Well...in my defense kissing you is like kissing a girl so..."

And we laughed.

"Well, I'm sorry if my girl-like nature doesn't, like, provide enough insight. You should just, like, kiss that dude you like then..." He winked. "Like I said, if you need anything just, like, let me know ok? I'll totally be happy to help!" He waved at me. "See you later!"

"Bye..." I waved back and turned around to leave.

I couldn't really believe it but I kissed a boy...

And I liked it...

I walked home, trying to get my mind off of it but I couldn't.

"Hello Alfred! How are you!?"

I opened my door and my heart sank.

It was Amelia, that girl from church. She was sitting in the living room with my mom and hers with the Bible on her lap, smiling up at me.

"Uh...Hey..."

Then I realized.

I kissed a boy...

And I liked it.

Fuck. My. Life.

* * *

**Sorry guys, no history today...**

**But...yeah...**

**This chapter...parts of it _should _have been in the next one but I didn't have internet and I was bored...Yeah. **

**Francis should have had a POV in this one too but maybe next time...**

**Just a bit or information because I feel like I should sat it: **

I love my religion, I'm christian and I'm all in for being enthusiastic about your what you believe, (Or don't believe.) I've never been one to judge because who am I to say what's wrong? I love learning about people's cultures and religion and in my eyes everything makes sense so we should all just be happy that people are trying to live happy and healthy lives.

But behavior like _that _is unacceptable. If you ask me, that's teaching hate and it isn't what this particular religion is about at all...

I based these church people after a real life group, there are actual people like this and it's really scary...

Especially because I've struggled with my own sexuality.

I won't bother you with the details but...yeah...

See you all later. K?


	8. Chapter 8

**_Hey all._**

**_Sorry it took so long. This chapter isn't too long and length and it also isn't beta'd because of time. I didn't want to make you all wait so (once again) I'll do it later..._**

**_I'm trying my best to get used to my new schedule so please be a bit patient with me.._**

**_I do not own Hetalia_**

* * *

_[Alfred]_

Fuck my life.

That's all I could remembering thinking when I walked in and saw her sitting on the couch smiling up at me, waiting for me.

"I'm glad you're home dear, Amelia's been waiting quite a while for you, where have you been?" Mom frowned, I guess she was expecting me to come right home afterschool or something like that.

"Nothing, just walking home with a friend..." I shrugged. I didn't think it was too much of a big deal but apparently she did.

"Who?"

"Uh...a guy in my class, Feliks..." Her worried expression changed to one of relief.

"Alfred, Amelia came to visit you-so be a dear and spend a few hours with her..."

"But...I was gunna study with Toris..."

"Study what Alfred?" Amelia jumped in. She smiled at me, creepily might I add, she seemed really interested in what I was going to say.

"History..."

"With who?" Mom asked.

"Toris..."

"Toris?"

"You know Toris...he lives two doors down..." She looked at me as if she didn't remember then it turned into a small look of disappointment.

"Oh, yes..."

"You wouldn't want to keep a lady waiting would you Alfred?" Jillian asked. Did she really want me to answer that? I knew it was futile that I didn't really have that choice because it was something mom wanted me to do but...

I sighed.

"Alright. I'll text Toris and tell him I can't make it..."

"Don't worry about your test tomorrow Alfred, I'm pretty good at history and I know that if you put your faith in God he'll guide you through everything." Amelia smiled at me. Just like her mom she should have been pretty, well she actually was pretty, but her personality was more than off-putting. I figured that after I sat beside her and began talking.

Just like the others she was always happy, too eager to be my friend, too willing to follow their leader, who isn't even a certified preacher (you do have to be certified for that sort of thing right?)

"We'll just be in the other room-you two have fun now..." Jillian rose from her seat on the couch and my mom followed her closely behind.

She seemed a bit worried or like she had a question for Jillian to answer but they didn't start talking again until they reached the kitchen, but their conversation was overshadowed by Amelia's loud, energetic voice asking me questions about my day and other things like that.

She didn't reference the Bible at all, which was great, but I could tell that she was judging me.

I didn't really have much to say to her, I mostly sat and listened to her go on and on about her 'life before God.' How she used to party and go out late, drink, smoke, skip school, things like that. Although these are things that teenagers tend to do or experiment with I couldn't help but to think that her case was a bit server-she told me of the times she's had sex with guys, sometimes more than one, how she would exchange sexual favors for money afterschool, the times she would experiment with drugs and how she never wanted to listen to her mother or father or how she didn't care about setting a good example for her siblings and lost most of her friends.

And I didn't want to hear any of it.

These were extremely personal things and it's not like we were friends or anything so I didn't see the logic behind her telling my her life story.

She went on and on about how she hit rock bottom and had some sort of emotional breakdown after she was broken up with and, in her words 'like an angel from the heavens' she met her 'discipler' Katie who first introduced her to 'the truth.'

As she talked about it I couldn't help but to think that she was taken advantage of in her emotional state, that Katie was there to be a friend when she didn't have one and because everyone else is so happy-go-fucking-lucky all the time she must have felt accepted by them, and once she got baptized she wanted to be the 'ideal' Christian to make sure those feelings never left her...

As a testament to my boredom I thought that up while trying not to fall asleep when she told me how she decided not to go out of state for college, even though they gave her such a high scholarship, because there wasn't a church out there that supported her views, and how that was a testament to how dedicated she was to God and he'd reward her in the long run for sacrificing for him.

Throughout her whole time speaking I simply smiled and nodded.

"God's done so many wonderful things for me in my life, and I'm so grateful that I was able to share my faith with my family y'know? I'm also super excited that I can share it with other people..."

"Mhmmm..."

"You're Mom is really worried about you Alfred, she doesn't want you to become lost in the world y'know?"

Lost in the world.

I often here them talking about being 'of the world' as opposed to being 'of God' and I wonder what that means.

If they knew that I liked a boy, that I kissed another guy not more than an hour ago-what would they say?

That I was wrong and lost in the world? I wonder what Mom would say.

I frowned.

I could never tell Mom how I feel about this. I can barely event talk to her at all now and days.

I wish that I could though. It's hard keeping all of these things inside but...

Who did I really have to talk to?

Today was the first time I really got to talk about this sort of thing with anyone and it felt great that Feliks took the time out to listen to me and help me out.

But now I feel like I'm trapped again.

Like I'm trapped in a world where I had no one.

Everyone around me is against me-against the person I am-the person who I cannot help but to be.

And it's hard.

If I could be normal than I would be.

Wasn't it normal for a guy to like girls?

I just need to find the right person, right?

I need to at least try right?

If I try than who knows what could happen.

What happened today was a fluke, it had to have been. I didn't like the kiss because it was a guy-I liked it because I was being kissed (and besides Feliks is more or less a chick anyway right? Is that wrong to say? I know he's a guy but...seriously.)

I need to try to be normal...

But...

I don't even know what normal is anymore...

...

_[Francis]_

_Antonio(6:38PM):FW: I told you we aren't dating! I don't like you! We hung out one time that does not mean we're dating stupid! I don't even liked guys! Shove off bastard!_

This was the breakup (?) message Antonio received from Lovino earlier which sent him into a frenzy at school today.

I thought things were going well between them but apparently not.

I wasn't sure what advice to give him, if Lovino didn't like him than it wasn't right to give him false hopes. I sighed.

False hopes.

How could I get Antonio's love life in order when I cannot even get mine straight?

It seems as if everyone depends on me for love. Antonio with Lovino, Gilbert with Eliza, and now...

Now even Arthur.

I regret ever asking him to hang out with me after school today. I should have never sent that text message-everything was going great until I decided to tease him about Kiku.

There were so many options I had. So many things I could have said. So many alternatives that wouldn't have ended with the worse scenario I could think of!

The person I like wants me to help him win the heart of someone else! (Granted I was the one who offered but it was only out of good sprit! I never expected him to admit to liking him! What other choice did I have? )

Why?

Why do things like this always happen to me? I don't understand!

Why can't I ever get what I want for once?

It seems as if every time I get past one thing, something else happens in its place!

I no longer had Alfred to deal with but now I have Kiku!

Kiku.

Even his name sounds bitter in my mouth...

But it cannot be helped.

I brought this upon myself so I have to help him-if it'll make him happy.

He is my friend after all, and who am I to deny someone's feelings?

I wonder what sort of outcome this will bring...

My phone rang again with a message, this time from Gilbert who was answering my earlier inquiry of where he was so I could ask him about Lovino (taking that his brother is with the others brother I figured it would be the best place to start-aside from little Feli himself but then that would be suspicious!)

I didn't want to start thinking about Arthur yet. Not if it meant thinking of a plan to get him and Kiku together...

Mon dieu! Why must I be so stupid? Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut about teasing him?

I wish I never spoken to him at all!

Why why why?

I didn't understand! Ugh!

"You like him don't you?" I didn't even have to ask. I already knew the answer but...

"S-So what if I did? It wouldn't be any of your business frog!" Hearing him say it. Seeing him blush at the very mention of his name...

It felt like our adolescent years all over again...

Perhaps it would be easier if I just give up...

_Gilbert(6:32PM): I'm hanging out with Matt at his place. Wassup?_

Well at least he was doing something aside the usual stalking his brother, writing in his diary (about himself) or pestering Elizaveta (surely he must find better ways to spending his time.) His new found friendship with Mathieu was good for him, although I haven't the slightest when those two found the time to be so close. It made me wonder if...

Oh. I'm starting to get off topic!

_Me(6:37PM): Just wanted to ask you something. But it can wait since I see you are busy with your little birdie, I'll leave you too that! ;)_

I sighed.

Antonio was busy with Lovino, or crying over Lovino, Gilbert was spending time with Mathieu now, and Arthur...

Well. I wasn't exactly sure if Arthur thought himself my friend or not but I consider him mine. I didn't want to talk to him, not right now.

I suppose I would just have to be alone for now.

But it's fine. I'll talk to Gilbert later and Antonio will get over it soon.

We'll all have fun and see each other on Friday.

Yes. I'll be able to spend time with each of my friends then...

But for now, I suppose I just have to get through the next three days first...

I find school much easier to deal with when there is something to talk about.

And lucky me-I caught on to a very interesting piece of gossip right before school began.

This'll help keep my mind off my problems.

At least for a while...

...

[Alfred]

Wednesdays are usually one of those days I sort of looked forward too. It's hump day which, no, does not mean you get to hump people.

Wednesday is the day you finally get over the hump of Monday and Tuesday and the rest of the week just slides by-or that is how it should have been.

It's Wednesday and I feel like shit.

Amelia didn't leave my house until at least nine and I didn't have much time to study. Toris tried to help me over the phone but by ten he already sounded tired so I lied and told him that I was good.

I crammed all night and I felt so tired I went and got coffee on my way to school which meant walking the long way-but it didn't matter.

I was up for a while just thinking last night-not about history, because who does that? But about my life.

I have to try my best to just get it together. To decide on what I want to do and how I want my life to be.

I just want to be happy.

Alfred F. Jones, football player, popular with a bunch of friends-in my head that made me happy.

Alfred F. Jones gay, reject-did not.

But for some reason. For some reason my life as Alfred F. Jones popular straight kid wasn't making me happy.

It was made me upset.

I was angry, confused, frustrated, sad, and I just didn't know what to d with myself! I wanted to like girls-but...

There was nothing too appealing about them to me I guess.

Like, Amelia was a nice girl, a bit too nice, she was cute but...

Would I be happy being with someone like her?

Would it be any different if she was a guy?

I guess it didn't really matter because Mom arranged for us to hang out over the weekend apparently seeing her would be a good influence on my life.

I guess I would at least try to like her. Maybe?

I don't know. My head hurt just thinking about it.

I mean I know I liked Arthur. I really _really _like Arthur but...

I hate how a few thoughts, a few things said can change how a person feels. I know I shouldn't care about what other think about me-I lost my best friend over that. It's stupid and I should know better but...

I walked into the school and didn't really see anyone I wanted to talk to as I walked to my locker-but I saw a few people who I wish I didn't have to talk to at all...

"Wassup Alfred..."

My good for nothing so called friends.

Why is it that they always travel in packs of three or more? Today it was four of them just hanging out by one of pillars when I walked by.

I suddenly got the feeling they were waiting for me-like they were talking about me. They all got silent when I walked toward them except for one who spoke out.

"Hey guys..."

"Hey. What's been goin' on? You've been MIA for a while..."

I wouldn't really call three days a while but...

"I've been busy..." I shrugged.

"Busy hanging 'round with fags..." They laughed. They laughed and I shuttered slightly.

"What?"

"You've been hangin' around with that tranny kid and his Russian boyfriend" I'm gunna take a leap of faith and assume they were talking about Toris...

I rolled my eyes.

"Stop it guys..."

"Stop it guys" They mocked me. I frowned.

"Seriously Alfred, when did you become such a sissy?"

"Did you turn into a fag by hanging out with them?"

"What?"

"You heard me. You've been running around with those gay kids. I guess it rubbed off on you or something..."

Just walk away Alfred. Be the bigger person.

"Whatever...y'guys are crazy..." I muttered. And this is the reason I need to get away from them. I shouldn't care what they think of me. I shouldn't matter.

It shouldn't but...

It did.

So when they called after me something like; "Have fun with your butt-sex" I snapped.

"I'm not a fucking fag!" My reaction was more violent than it should have been. I don't think pushing him against the wall was the best thing to do when I look back on it and I probably shouldn't have yelled it so everyone was staring but...

I did.

And when I noticed everyone staring I panicked.

I backed away from him slowly.

I felt like everyone was staring at me, like everyone was judging me, like everyone could see that I was trying to hide the truth.

I didn't really have an option.

I couldn't fight.

I had to flee.

I turned around and I left. The group looked after me, I guess they didn't really know what to say or do and for that I was grateful.

I pushed past everyone in the hallway just so I could get away, but I still felt them staring.

I only wanted to get away.

I wanted to get away and go home.

I didn't want to be here anymore but...what other choice did I have?

I had to stay in school so I did what I had to.

I really didn't feel like talking to anyone, not even when I saw Feliks in the hallway I didn't stop to talk.

Maybe my reactions are a bit extreme but...I just wanted to be left alone...

I just didn't want anyone to look at me differently y'know? I didn't want people staring at me or talking behind my back.

I just wanted everything to stay the same.

The same as it was before...

Was that too much to ask...?

I already knew that today would end up pretty sucky but...

I thought home would be a place where I could let go of all those bad feelings that I've accumulated but, of course, it wasn't.

When I walked into my house, Amelia was there again.

Sitting in the same spot, waiting for me.

"Hey Alfred, how was school?" She asked me.

"...It was alright..."

...

_[ Kiku]_

It is an interesting thing, gossip. I suppose that everyone does it from time to time but it is surprising how many ears it could reach and the effect it may have on others.

That is why when Arthur-san speaks about the latest scandal which happened just this morning I try my best to stay neutral seeing as though the information being passed was about Alfred-kun. It made me sad to see him being spoken about in such a terrible way but it was Arthur-san so could it could not be helped.

"Kiku? Are you there?"

"Hai?" I spoke over the phone. "I apologize."

"It's fine. I have a question. Will you be coming to the movies with us on friday? Francis really wants to know..."

"Oh. I've yet to given it any thought to be truthful..."

"Oh..." He sounded sad.

"I...ah...suppose I could make it..." The door to the house opened and tiredly Yao-san walked in. He carried his college texts were being balanced on his arm and with the other he carried his bag. The door shut behind him.

"Ah. Kiku are you playing video games again?" He asked.

"One moment please." I told Arthur and I turned to my housemate. Yao was an undergraduate studying medicine in a university North of the city. It was a long train ride there and back and he was always tried after his classes but it was much less expensive living here than on campus I suppose.

"Hai. Do you need me to do anything?"

"No-are you on the phone too?"

"Hai."

He shook his head. Surely he did not understand the importance of multitasking.

"It's nothing really. I just wanted to ask if you would take over cooking tonight. I need a nap..."

"Of course." Rest is very important after all.

"Thanks..." I nodded as he began talking up the stairs. I attended to my phone conversation with Arthur-san but if I were to cook tonight I should begin early. It was nearly four which meant Leon would be coming back in about an hour and would probably bring over his friend Emil. I should set an extra plate for him.

"Hello? Arthur-san?" He did not answer for a moment.

"Sorry about that. I was reading a text message from Francis..."

"Ah." Francis was a...odd character from the information I've gathered thus far. I did not know him personally however he does seem to have a very clear liking for Arthur-san.

"I'm sorry Arthur-san but I must go. It is my turn to cook tonight..."

"Oh? Well that's fine then."

"Yes. Another time then. Goodbye."

"Goodbye..."

I hung up the phone and sighed. Talking to closely with Arthur-san was treading on dangerous territory.

I decided to, before beginning on dinner to pause my game and send a test message of Alfred-kun.

_Me(3:42pm) Good afternoon Alfred. How are you doing?_

I sent it in hopes that a quick reply, however I cooked, ate, cleaned, finished playing the game my father sent to me, for now anyway, and I did not receive a reply until it was time to go to bed.

_Alfred Jones(10:58pm) I got a girlfriend today..._

W-What?

[Alfred]

When I text Kiku I could tell he was more than surprised. But it was all for the better.

It was better this way.

Our parents were pushing us together anyway so it didn't even matter.

I wasn't hungry at all...

I got a message from Feliks today...and one from Toris.

Feliks asked if I wanted to talk home together again, Toris asked me how my test went. I didn't reply to Feliks but I did to Toris. I sent him a 'it was alright' and he sent something back but I was too tired to actually care at the moment.

I felt a little bad though, I knew Toris had to leave early because he only had one test and Feliks probably walked home alone but..

I dunno I guess I just didn't want to hang out with him? No. that wasn't it.

I didn't want anyone to get any ideas when they saw us hanging out together.

We kissed and I enjoyed it but...that was the problem.

I couldn't do that. I couldn't be gay. I couldn't hang out with Feliks or like Arthur because it just wasn't acceptable.

I can't be Alfred F. Jones and be gay...

But I feel so bad.

I feel as if I'm right back at square one like I've been walking around in circles.

I wish I had someone to talk to about feeling like this...

I just want to go to sleep now...

* * *

**See what I mean? I've been so busy guys I'm sorry for the hold up. This chapter was supposed to be longer but I didn't want to make you wait longer for a day when I could actually find time to write y'know?**

**So here we are...**

**Ugh.**

**Anyway I wanted to crank out some history but I don't really have time...**

**But here's a fun fact: Although I love showing bits of Arthur's life, the story is primary driven through Alfred's point of view so naturally he gets the most attention. I felt it better to drive it like that and there will be sometimes when Arthur won't be given a part (like this) but not too often.**

**I know it sometimes seems like we miss out on a lot of things but don't worry my dears everything gets looked back on. Plus everyone has there own little story line which all ties into the plot in one way or another. So everything is pretty important so I encourage to keep your eyes on everyone. (I wonder what happened with Toris and Ivan...we didn't get to see that this time did we?))**

**For a usuk(?) story those two haven't gotten enough time together. They've only interacted twice (in preset time) sad no?**

**I'm starting to get used to my schedule so hopefully I can update on a fixed rate.**

**I'll see you guys later!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! Sorry it took so long...it's just... college life...**

**Question: I know that religion is a touchy subject for many and this story shows a really extreme case of things like that. Should I change the rating?**

**I'll just shut up and start:**

**Warnings: Religious stuff, pre-teens experimenting with one another (?)  
**

* * *

My heart hurts. I mean my heart really hurts. I don't feel like going to school today but I don't really have a choice. It's Thursday, the final day before winter break begins, and I just have to take one test-just one-then I can stay home for three weeks... like that's any better.

Today I woke up feeling tired, I couldn't sleep last night. I kept having bad dreams. Would you believe that I prayed last night? The first time since...I don't know when.

I'm not sure if God is real or if he would care about me but I just wanted my problems to be over...

I wanted everything to be over...

I scared myself so much that I texted Mattie in the middle of the night. He was awake and I was grateful but I wondered why, he usually goes to bed pretty early...

I deleted my messages because I didn't want mom to know what I've been thinking and I'm pretty sure she was 'given advise' to check my text messages or something.

Speaking of advice, when I went downstairs Mom was cooking breakfast and she was wearing a skirt. I've never known by Mom to wear skirts or dresses or anything like that-even her suits were pants suits - she didn't look at all comfortable.

"Good Morning Alfred! How are you?" She sounded tired but I didn't feel like bringing it to her attention, I was tired too. It was cold outside and I don't know why she was wearing one-the only reason I could think of is that she was given advice to look more feminine to attract a suitable husband, or more specially to try to attract my Dad even though he has a girlfriend already.

Mom always said I took after Dad both in looks and personality: I was blond while mom was brunette, I got his eye color, I'm about as tall as him and apparently I'd be a heart breaker like him too. (Not in the bad way...or at least I don't think she meant it like that...)

I shrugged.

"I'm leaving now..."

"Leaving? But I made breakfast!" She sounded surprised.

"I'm not very hungry..."

"Again?" She asked.

"Yeah..."

Now should have been the time to ask me if something was wrong, if something is bothering me and that you noticed I haven't been eating. Now's the time you pay attention to me and see that I'm in trouble and see that I need you.

Now is that time when I need my Mother to talk to me but...

Her phone rang.

She looked her cell phone-I knew what it said: Jilian. It always says Jillian and she looked at me. I could feel myself going numb and I knew my face was begging her not to answer and pay attention to me but...

"Hey Sis!" She answered. "Alfred, let's have family time tonight alright?" She smiled at me but I didn't smile back. I knew what she meant: I'll set aside some time for you later. My new_ spiritual_ family comes before my physical one.

I left.

I was so damn tired of the same damn thing. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I'm taking the steps right? I got a girlfriend like society says I should and I'm doing everything I can to be normal! Why is everything so hard? Why doesn't this feel right to me?

My 'friends' at school say I should be one thing, Mom says I should be something too, society says I should be this way-and out of all those things, one thing is common: I should not like boys, I cannot be gay.

I could hear my Mom's voice carry as I step outside. It was snowy, dark, and cold. I wonder if this is some sick persons view of foreshadowing my mood or something-is that even the right word? English isn't really my thing.

I should have asked Mom if I could drive to school today-I wasn't really in the mood to walk. My legs felt weak and I feel so pathetic. I'm sad and weak and disgusting and stupid and nothing was going right anymore-my life was falling apart in the length of what? A week? Two? Two fucking week made me come undone.

I was so confident, I knew what I wanted, I was perfectly fine until...

Until Francis.

Ever since Francis came, my life has been hell!

When Francis came everything began to go down! He ruined everything! He ruined my fucking life!

I hope he's proud of himself...

I'll show him. I'm not that little kid anymore.

You can't fuck with Alfred F. Jones and get away with it-

Francis can burn in hell for all I care...

...

_[Arthur ]_

Dylan arrived yesterday and now the whole family is together. Curses.

"So Artie, when y'gunna get yourself a girlfriend or whatever it is you want eh?" Alistair smirked at me from across the breakfast table, clearly trying to provoke me.

"Daw! Don't tease him! You know Artie doesn't want a girlfriend." Dylan joined in. I frowned. Why is life so cruel? Why must red heads be so awful? Perhaps they do lack souls...

"When y'gunna get a _boyfriend_ then?" He rolled his eyes.

"None of your business."

"Pshhh like Artie is gunna get a boyfriend. No one's gunna like you with that attitude!" When Alistair and Dylan got together, my torment began. It's always those two going out of their way to make my life hell.

"Don't' tease him, Artie is cute! He'll get a boyfriend!" Owen tried to defend me but it wasn't much help and it wasn't much wanted. Owen unintentionally made my life hell. Whenever we got together I was always the one suffering...(admittedly I can sometimes be as bad as them but its only for defense I assure you...)

This entire situation was embarrassing and I don't understand why my personal life is of such concern to them. Do any of them have girlfriends? Why are they asking me?

"Please! With those brows? I keep tellin' him to shave 'em off but he's too attached to them!" Dylan began to laugh at me and I rolled my eyes.

"Do you like someone?" Own asked me. He had the glint in his eye that I didn't like.

"N-"

"Yep!" Alistair cut me off.

"I do not!"

"Shut up Artie-he's in love with some little boy down at his school."

"Really?" Owen's eyes lit up. "Who?"

"No one!"

"What ever happened to Alfred? Do you still like him?"Dylan asked. I frowned. I didn't want to talk about Alfred.

"Stop teasing your brother!" Mom sighed. She shook her head and Peter came bouncing down the stairs after her. "He'll date when he's ready. Hush."

Thank goodness for mothers. The discussion was over and everyone went back to eating breakfast. While my family was very irritating at times, I suppose they could be worse. I was lucky to have a family who didn't really care about my sexual orientation and would much rather tease me about not dating than who I wanted to date.

The worst of it was a string of, "I knows." From Dad, Dylan and Alistair and 'loving' hugs from Owen. (The hugs from Mom I didn't bother me at all...)

I sighed as the subject changed from my personal life to remembering the' hair dye incident' for the sole purpose of teasing Owen. Today was the final day of classes before winter break and I was grateful, though I didn't quite understand why my brothers were up so early this morning.

"Are you leaving for school dear?" Mom smiled at me as she packed Peter's lunch. "Do you need a ride? Your brothers are going Christmas shopping so they can drop you off when they take Peter." She volunteered them.

"We're taking Peter to school?" Alistair asked.

"You don't expect to just take my car and not take him do you?"

"We can drop off Artie." Owen told her. It's not like he really had a choice in the matter and as a matter of fact neither did I. She always liked to push us together even though she is well aware we don't mix well at all.

Peter's school isn't very far but Mom doesn't want him walking alone so we drop him off first. Then it was me.

"Here's a daily reminder Artie: Mom and Dad had sex at least five times." Alistair told me as I got out the car.

"I hate you."

"Hey, how do you think you got here?" He was serious wasn't he?

"Don't go around saying stuff like that!" Dylan gagged.

"Yeah yeah...I don't even know why they even bothered to have the two of you-They should have just stopped at me..." He boasted.

"Why do you think they kept trying?" I retorted.

"Cuz you're the worst..." Dylan nodded.

"See you later Artie!" Owen waved at me before Alistair could get into his 'I'm flawless' speech.

I rolled me eyes and slammed the door. Spending my morning with them must have been a omen for the day: it was either going to be bad or couldn't get much worse.

I should have put my money on the first one.

I stepped into the building and everything was in disarray. There was yelling and things flying from every which direction. I assumed it was the average 'final day of class riot' however something seemed different. I pushed my way through the crowds of students, not wanting to be trampled but it was rather difficult.

From the center of the ruckus I could hear yelling.

I get a bit closer and I don't know why I even felt surprised.

It was Alfred. From what I heard (and may have told Kiku) Alfred was having issues. He lashed out at his friends and caused a big scene and today seemed to be no different. He looked terrible, like he was undergoing some sort of ordeal- and don't you dear look at me like that, it was painfully obvious.

Yet today it was not his friend he was yelling at-it was Francis.

Immediately I figured that Francis had gone too far on one his jokes however I soon reconsidered. Alfred fucking Jones was a stuck up little twat and perhaps he didn't need a reason to lash out at Francis.

But the situation itself seemed rather...

Desperate.

I couldn't put my finger on it exactly, but the way Alfred confronted him seemed frantic, desperate, and overly emotional. I'm not sure how any of this began but I wanted to know how it would end. (Perhaps I'm just as bad as the rest of these students who crowded around and provoked them to fight.)

"Fuck you!" Alfred yelled. Was he trying to walk away? He didn't seem like he wanted to continue on at all. He didn't seem like he wanted to draw attention to himself and it made me wonder why he confronted Francis to begin with. In fact he looked as if he wanted to cry.

I've spent too much time with Alfred Jones in the past not to know this and I wasn't sure if I wanted to watch or know how it ended, the emotional exchange between both of them was too raw yet I was compelled to watch.

"If that's what you want I'd be glad you oblige." Francis smirked and ran his hand over Alfred's cheek and, from the looks of it, attempted to kiss him.

And from that Alfred was triggered.

He slammed Francis against the locker in a violent rage.

"Don't touch me!" Francis said something to him that I could not hear and it seemed to have angered Alfred.

"Go to hell! Disgusting faggot!"

He wanted to hit Francis, his body was shaking and his fists were clenched and I do believe Francis was well aware of that fact, the panic creeping unto his expression was clear evidence of this.

Despite everything going on around me and the drama being displayed in front of me I couldn't help but laugh at the irony of the entire situation.

'Don't touch me'

'Disgusting faggot'

'I'm not a fag'

I laughed because of my memories that I'd rather forget, and how ironic it is that I think of them now.

Alfred Jones may be homophobic but it isn't as if he isn't experienced-or rather well experimented-and as much as a cringe at the very thought, it isn't as if he himself never felt an interest in the body of other boys...

"Hey, hey Arthur?" I could remember that day clearly. I recall laying on my cot in his room and although my Brothers told me we were far too old for sleep over's, being seventh graders, I did not care. Alfred invited me to spend the night and I was grateful for the time we had to spend together. It was late and I knew his mother was sleeping in the next room over and I did not want to wake her.

"What?" I hissed.

"What do you want for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Ugh. Good night Alfred!" I whispered.

"Hey!-"

"Be quiet! You'll wake up your mother. I'm right here"

"Then come up here."

"What?"

"Come up here so we can talk..."

"Ugh..." I climbed up from my makeshift bed and sat laid beside Alfred. His twin sized bed wasn't too large but it fit too bodies well enough if we pressed against each other closely. I felt a tad self conscious but Alfred didn't seem to mind. Her faces were close and I could feel him breathing on me.

"What do you want Alfred?"

I could barely see it but I felt him shrug. I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, tell me about that thing..."

"What thing?"

"_That_ thing!"

"What?"

"Remember yesterday with you and Alistair? You said you would tell me about it..."

"O-oh..."

"Tell me..."

"I-It wasn't anything really. I just walked in and he was watching those porn movies. It was no big deal really..."

"Yeah but you were freaking out about it!" He teased.

"I was not!"

"You were!"

"Keep your voice down!"

"...So...what kind of porn was it?"

"Ugh. I don't know..."

"You saw it!"

"For a moment..."

"Liar..."

"W-what?"

"You probably saw a lot..."

"..."

"You did! C'mon tell me!"

"Ugh...it was just about lesbians..."

"Cool..." I rolled my eyes. I'm sure it was 'cool' but it wasn't very appealing to me at all. "Do you like lesbians?"

"Ugh. They're _people _Alfred not a different race."

"But they're lesbians... "

"So?"

"That's hot!"

"Is it really?"

"Yeah. If one girl is hot then think of two girls!"

"Ugh. Whatever..." I didn't want to tell him about what else I saw. Alfred didn't know I liked boys then, it wasn't until later when I told him. Before the lesbian scene there was another couple, a man and a woman. What Alfred thought of the lesbian woman I thought of him: he was appealing to me...

"Hey Artie?"

"What?"

"Do you um...touch yourself?"

"...Pardon?"

"Y'know, like..."

"Are you asking me if I wank myself?

"Wank?"

"Masturbate Alfred..."

"Oh...yeah...that..."

"Why do you want to know?" I couldn't help but ask. "Do you?"

"Yeah. B-but Mom says I shouldn't so...I just wanted to know if you did..." Was he trying to gain self assurance? Know that he wasn't weird?

"I suppose I have..."

"Cool..." After a moment or two of silence Alfred spoke again.

"Artie?"

"Yes?"

"Do you ever...think about stuff while your uh...'wanking'?" I almost laughed.

"I guess so..."

"Like what?"

"Um...I don't know. What do you think about?"

"Girls..."

"I see..."

"Artie?"

"Yes?" I asked once more. Alfred was always the curious type. I knew he respected my opinion and I was flattered but that wasn't a topic I was comfortable speaking about.

"I kind of want to touch myself..." I became very well of the fact that our bodies were so close, touching one another and I blushed.

"R-Right now?"

"Yeah...is that weird?"

"I don't know..."

"Should I go for it? " I shrugged. I didn't really know what else to say.

"You should do it too..."

"What?"

"We should do it together...""

"B-But why?

"Because we're best friends, is that weird?" I wonder if that was his catch phrase...

"Yeah...kinda..."

"Oh..."

"You can do it by yourself..."

"But it's weird to do it alone..."

"Isn't that what you always do?"

"Yeah but...I...I wanted...um...you..." Now that I think about it. It was incredibly bold to interpret his hesitance the way I did. Perhaps I was projecting. Perhaps I just wanted to touch him...

"Do you want me to touch you?" I sat up and so did he. He hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly.

"I wonna touch you too..." I blushed. "I-is that weird?"

"No...it's ok..." I was only thirteen, I guess I didn't really understand the full extent of what was happening. We sat for a moment and looked at one another. I reacted first. I reached over and palmed him through his shorts. Alfred jumped and roughly grabbed me.

"Damnit Alfred! That hurts!"

"Sorry..."

"Be gentle..."

"OK..." Alfred quickly grew hard under my hand.

I don't remember how long we touched one another, however, when it became clear that Alfred could not hold back any long, he pushed my hand away. Neither of us finished ourselves and we never talked about that night. I suppose he'd rather forget that it ever happened...

Ugh...

I shook my memories away and looked up. When had any of the teachers appeared?

He was coaxing Alfred off of Francis before he got the chance to hurt him and eventually it seemed to have worked because Alfred let go of his and let the older man drag him away yet he was still fuming and it was obvious.

The crowed eventually dispersed and was left standing in the middle of the hallway. I sighed and approached Francis with caution.

"Fighting is against school rules..."

"Oh? You saw our little spat?"

"Was there someone who didn't? What happened?"

"He came charging at me like some sort of mad man!" I found it hard to believe that it was the only thing that happened and Francis was completely innocent but I decided to let it go...

Francis was overly dramatic...

_[ Alfred ] _

"Alfred what's gotten into you?" Mattie frowned. I didn't really get into trouble, I was given a strong, stern talking too. Because I didn't fight Francis, and it being the last day before break, I was let off...kinda. My teacher just asked me if I was troubled and of course I told him no but I don't think he believed me. He wanted to call my Mom instead to sending me to the dean (probably because I was so troubled) but I asked him to call Dad even though he isn't my legal guardian, I just didn't feel like dealing with my Mom today. I think he did so because I seemed desperate and besides, winter break is starting, what could they really do?

(Well, I guess they could have suspended me after break but that really doesn't make much sense all things considered...)

Dad was surprised by them calling, after all Mattie never gets into trouble, but probably even more so when he found out it was me. He talked to me for a few minutes and decided that he would deal with me later but wouldn't tell my Mom.

I left the classroom and found that Mattie waited on me. "Are you ok? You don't look very good and...I'm sort of worried..." "

I wanted to tell Mattie what was wrong, I really did, but was it right to burden my little brother with my issues? If I told him what was going on would he tell Mom? What would she do? Would he tell Dad? Would he be disappointed and reject me? He's probably mad that the teacher called him like I'm some sort of kindergarten bully. And I couldn't tell Mattie, I was scared.

"Nothing...It's a long story Mattie but...it'll be alright."

"But Alfred-"

"I gotta get to class Mattie so I'll see you later m'k?"

"But-"

"I'll see you later, I'm seriously alright!" I walked away and even though he followed behind me I ignored him until he went away, probably to talk to Gilbert or something.

I went to my locker and I could practically _feel _everyone staring at me.

I sighed and continued to look for my books until I felt someone tap me on my shoulder. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I wanted to ignore them but they began to talk to me...

In a small voice they called my name and I knew who it was but...

"Alfred?"

I just didn't want to talk to him. Not right now.

"Alfred?" He called me again. "Are you going to, like, ignore me now?" Feliks sighed when I didn't reply again. "Are you upset with me or something?" I stayed quiet. "Cuz you haven't talked to me since...y'know and..." He began to get irritated with me. I had a pretty clear idea of what was happening. He probably got into a really sassy "I'm pissed!" pose and glared at me. "Or are you not going to talk to me because I'm one of those 'disgusting faggots' you hate so much?" Yeah. He was pissed. I had no idea what to say. I was at a loss for words I couldn't move.

"Ugh. Whatever." I knew he was rolling his eyes at me. He waited for a moment before walking away and leaving me alone.

By the time I turned around he was nowhere to be seen and I sighed.

I really fucked up this time.

...

[Alfred]

Amelia was at my place again when I got home. Sitting on the couch as usual, it was starting to become a thing.

"Welcome home Alfred!"

"Hi..."

What happened to having 'family time' with my Mom? Where was my Mom?

"Our Moms went out to share together, so we'll just be here until till they get home..."

I found it not only weird but also creepy that she was just waiting for me on the couch without anyone else around and I thought that she wasn't supposed to be alone with me. That was a thing they talked about at Church once. Girls and boys should never be alone in a room together, it's apparently a sin of some sort...

I tried to smile.

Isn't this what normal guys want? To be alone with a pretty girl? No parents or anything? Shouldn't I be happier than this?

"How was your day?"

I shrugged, set down by bag and took off my shoes at the door before hanging up my coat.

I sat down beside her on the couch and she hugged me.

"I'm so excited for today Alfred! Your first study! All you needed was a bit of motivation!" She grinned at me and I sighed. Her purse was on the floor and she began to rummage around probably trying to find her bible or something.

She hadn't taken off her boots and I wanted to ask her to but I really didn't care and I noticed that she had the same boots as Feliks.

"Hey, Alfred are you ok?"

"Yeah..."

"Hmmm...Do you want to study later? We could talk?"

"Uh...sure..."

We ended up talking for a while about nothing in particular. She asked me how my day was and all that crap and I told her that it was ok. Dad called me and I took his call in the other room but I knew she was listening in on my conversation but when I got back she just smiled and told me about what she did.

About two hours later she told me that her Mom texted her and she had to leave, she asked if I could drive her to her house and I couldn't tell her that I wouldn't, how else would she get home? I took Mom's keys from the kitchen and led her out the door.

I knew this would be a long car ride...

_[Matthew]_

There was something wrong with Alfred, but I didn't know what. I walked home with Gilbert and I asked him about it but he had no clue. He told me that once Ludwig had gone through a similar stage when he was angry and lashing out at people all the time like Alfred but then he met Feliciano and he went back to normal, if not a bit more awkward than he already was. He joked that Alfred needed to get laid and that I should include him in our 'awesome girlfriend getting strategy.'

But I wasn't sure. Was Alfred just sexually frustrated? He's well liked enough and if he wanted to I guess he could go out with any girl if he wanted but...

I knew for a fact that he wasn't really that sort of person. All Alfred needed in life was a pile of hamburgers, western movies, comic books, video games and attention. I wonder if Mom was paying attention to him, after all she joined that new group and began to change a lot. But she wouldn't ignore Alfred would she?

It worried me that he texted me last night. He said he just wanted to 'talk' but I know my brother much better than that. Whenever he was up late it was because there was something on his mind and I knew something was wrong. He just wouldn't tell me what.

"Is he a boob guy like you?" Teased.

"I-I told you that I don't like Katyusha because of that..." I blushed.

"Yeah yeah yeah..." Gilbert, although he doesn't seem like it, is bent on getting Katyusha and I together even though she's so much older than I am. While I do like her, I'm not sure if it would work out...

I assumed that he just wanted to have an excuse not to pursue Elizabeta or something.

Gilbert invited me to his house, but I decided to go home. Dad was home and he said he would be taking us to dinner. 'Us' being me and his girlfriend Daisy. Daisy was nice and she always picked the best places to eat. I think she just came back from a trip to Italy and I was sure she bought me something.

I think she was still under the impression she had to gain my approval because she liked my Dad so much but I've always liked her...

"Hey kiddo, how was school?" I set my bag down and went to the kitchen where he was.

"It was good..."

"Did you see your brother?"

"Yeah..."

"You know he got into a fight today right?"

"He didn't actually fight, but he was pretty close to it..." He sighed. Dad shook his head.

" I think there's something wrong with Alfred..."

"Hmm?" He turned to look at me, concern written over his face.

"What's wrong with him? Is everything ok?"

"I don't know...but lately he's been acting really dethatched and he's been violent towards his friends..." He frowned.

"He fought one of his friends today?"

"No. but he texted me last night and something was up, but he wouldn't tell me what it was..."

"Have you talked to your Mother about it?" I shook my head. He sighed and looked at the clock. "Call Al and ask him if he wants to go out with us tonight..."

"To dinner?"

"Yeah. It's his weekend to come over anyway . We haven't hung out in a while, you guys don't have school tomorrow do you?"

"No ..."

"Good..." Dad ruffled my hair as he walked by. "Good job looking out for your brother..."

"Mhmmm...I'll call him now..." I took out my cell phone and searched for Alfred's number. Of course it was one of the first ones to come up and I called.

He didn't answer the first time but he called me back three minutes later.

"Hey Mattie, what's up?"

"Hey Al, um...Dad wants to know if he wants to come to dinner with us? Uh. Daisy's coming too..." I wasn't sure how Alfred felt about our dad's girlfriend, living with Mom and all I guess he would have a good reason not to like her but I know they've only met a few times so I couldn't be sure.

"Oh uh...I don't know..."

"Please? Dad says you haven't hung out with him in a while and isn't it your weekend to spend over here?"

"Yeah..." He sounded really hesitant. "Um...I think I'm going to stay at my house this weekend..."

"B-But why?" Why didn't Alfred want to come over this weekend?

"Yeah...I was thinking about staying here...that way I could spend Christmas weekend over there and Mom can't really stop me..."

"Oh..." I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.

"Well, if you aren't coming over this weekend then you should come. Dad still wants to see you..."

"Um...I don't know..."

"Is it because of Daisy?"

"No...that's not it..."

"C'mon Al, can't you tell me?" I frowned. I wanted to help him with whatever was wrong but how could I if he didn't let me know what was bothering him?

"It's nothing really..."

"Then why don't you want to come?" He paused for a moment. I heard him sigh.

"Fine. I'll go over. I'm not home right now but...I'll be there soon and I'll be over..."

"Great." I smiled. I hoped Alfred would really show up. "Dad'll be happy." I added for good measure.

"Alright, cool. I'll talk to you later ok dude? I have to drive home and uh...stuff..."

"Ok. See you later."

"Bye." He hung up the phone.

"He says he's coming!" I yelled. I looked down at my phone and I still felt really worried...

...

_[Alfred]_

I hung up the phone and sighed. Mattie must be really worried about me and it made sense. I've been getting into trouble and acting funny...

I sighed.

"Is everything alright?" Amelia asked. She stood beside me as we stood on her front step and I really wanted her to leave so I could go home. I didn't really want to go out but I wanted to see Dad and hang out with Mattie and I didn't mind Dad's girlfriend at all, I just didn't feel like doing anything.

"My Dad wants me to go out to dinner with him and my little brother, I should get going..."

"Oh...But, I mean it's only like four right? Don't you have tim-" Her phone rang.

"One second!" She scrambled to get it from her pocked and A picture of a girl popped up on her screen. I only saw it for a minute but she was wearing glasses and I thinks he had pigtails. Amelia pressed ignore after staring at it for a minute before turning back to me with a smile.

"Uh...I should go get ready. I don't really know if we're going anywhere fancy but I wanted to rest a bit before..."  
"Oh...well alright. I'll just talk to you later then..."

"Alright..." I wanted to turn around and leave but she...wasn't really doing the same.

"Uh..."

"We should go out sometime too, ok?"

"O...k"

"Cool...um..."

"...yeah?"

She took a step closer to me. She had this half lidded dreamy looking expression and I guess I knew the whole time what she was doing but it took me by surprise.

She kissed me and...

well...

That was it.

She kissed me and I didn't really feel anything but her sticky lip gloss (which was a bit gross) I didn't swoon or feel my heart beat fast or any of those cliché things people associate with a kiss.

It just kind of happened and to be honest my first reaction was to ask myself if she was supposed to be doing this, it seems like if we shouldn't hang out together alone she definitely shouldn't be kissing me...

It wasn't like the other day when I kissed Feliks.

I sighed.

I wanted to like it, I really did but...

It wasn't that I didn't like girls. I just...

Didn't like her.

I smiled anyway when she separated from me.

I didn't ask about it I just turned around, got in the car and drove away...

I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted to ignore it. The fact that...kissing her was so weird, so uncomfortable not because it was gross but because I didn't feel anything at all. It was no different than if she touched my hand or something.

How was I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to deal with this?

I liked kissing guys more than girls.

I'm not sure what exactly this means for me but...

Together with my feelings for Arthur I know that somewhere in the back of my mind I know the truth.

I'm just having trouble admitting to it.

I've known I liked Arthur for a long time but...

I don't know. I'm not sure what got me into this, what got me thinking this, what got me so worked up and panicked in the first place...

I just don't know anything anymore...

I got back home in no time at all-Amelia's gospel CD was tossed away somewhere in back and I made it back home. It was empty and I wondered where Mom was. What happened to family time?

Where was my Mom when I needed someone to talk to?

...

* * *

Lets learn History!

Canada and Ukraine

_Canada and Ukraine have pretty close: cultural, social, economic and politically productive relationship. _

_The relationship between the two countries is pretty much built on the fact that a lot of Ukrainians immigrated to Canada beginning in the late 19th century. Immigration happened in three waves and still continues on to this very day._

_Official diplomatic relations were established between on January 27, 1992 and not too long later Canada opened its embassy in Kiev (that's Ukraine's Capital City) and the Embassy of Ukraine in Ottawa opened in October of that same year. However relations weren't always so close. _

_World War Two led to some pretty intense political rivalry between the two countries, mostly centering around the question of Ukraine's independence. During this time, Canadian officials tried to manage the tension between nationalist and pro-soviet groups and trying to gain itself a working relationship with the Soviet Union in the post-war period however the tension remained. On questions regarding recognition of the Soviet government in Ukraine, Ukrainian independence, and human rights in the Soviet Union. In the context of the Cold War (not to be mistaken with the Cod War), the Canadian government steered a middle course, careful not to antagonize the Soviet Union._

_Also, in the early part of the migration there were no relations because neither country was sovereign. Canada was a British Dominion, while Ukraine represented an ethnic region partitioned first between the Austro-Hungarian and Russian empires and later the Soviet Union and Poland._

_The main bilateral agreement signed between the two governments is the joint declaration of the "Special Partnership" between the two countries signed in 1994 and renewed in 2001._

...

**Perhaps I should have done Canada and America but...**

**I guess because I mentioned him having a crush I wanted to explore their history.**

**It seems to me that Canada and Ukraine would have a very productive friendship. They seem to care about, and understand each other quite some bit...**

**Perhaps she'll show up later!**

**...**

-There was a big debate with myself on whether I should have included that little flashback Arthur had or not. In my mind it's apart of there history whether it was spoken about or not (it helps with characterization) but I guess I just wanted to show that Alfred's feelings aren't really something totally new to him. He was aware of that fact that he liked Arthur well before Senior year and as chapter two suggests he seemed to have liked him _at least_ at the start of Freshman year (or at least wanted to kiss him "like a romantic boss")

-But Alfred as a lot of things to consider in life, as one lovely reviewer pointed out, he's struggling with : his sexuality, peer pressure, and the heaviest burden for now, his mother's hold on his spirituality." Poor baby.

-There's a good reason why I choose Amelia to be Alfred's 'girlfriend' as opposed to someone else. It's because Amelia is his female counterpart and while she is a different person, in a sense it's still him and if you think about it...It's a bit stranger than if I choose Alice or something...shrug.

-There's also a good reason why his Mom is named Amelia too but...I won't get into that...

-On the bright side, we'll get to see more of what I think Amelia's actual personality is later-oh my is that some sort of hint?

See you soon!


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey all! I've finally gotten to update! **

**I only had a quick read though of his chapter and, as usual, I'll go back and one big sweep and read over everything again to make sure my mistakes are a minimal to non existent. I just...get really excited. **

* * *

"Hey Al."

"Hey Dad!" We gave each other one of those 'man-hugs' when I opened the door.

I didn't tell Mom I would be leaving because, well, she wasn't there to tell. We were supposed to be having some sort of family time but she left me alone...

"Your Mom home?"

"No..." I sighed.

"Good..." He joked. I tried to smiled and followed him the car. Mattie claimed the front seat of the shiny black truck and I wondered if it was new. I got in and it had that new car smell so I guess it had to be.

I've always felt more relaxed when I was with Dad or Mattie. We talked about a few things like TV shows and some of the interesting cases Dads been getting at work; he's an attorney for the civil courts and usually ends up defending the little guy who doesn't have the money to buy some hot shot , he says that he doesn't want to work for a private firm because those are the guys who are in it for the money. I've always liked that about my Dad-he was like a hero who helps people just because he can, I've always wanted to do the same but...

I've been irritated and just so angry lately-I don't know what to do...

The place we went to wasn't fancy, it was like one of those fifty themed diners where they played old music and had pictures of old people and autographs of people who you knew never actually came here but it's cool anyway, all over the walls.

I sat next to Mattie in a booth, smelt all the food and I had to admit that I was really hungry. I've been eating a bit more often because I've been really stressed out for the past few days, I know that's not really a good excuse and that I need to get back on my diet before I start gaining weight again. Dieting is seriously hard though! But I guess you have to do whatever to look how you want.

We waited about ten minutes for Daisy to arrive and that gave me plenty of time to pick out something really small to eat.

"Ciao! Sorry I'm running late guys!" Daisy smiled. "Alfred! I didn't know you were coming. How have you been?" She smiled at me. Daisy was hands down the nicest person I've ever met-in a weird way she sort of reminded me of Feliciano (also the nicest person I ever met...maybe more so than Daisy? I wouldn't really know.) just a girl and not as excitable-plus they're both Italian, but then again so its Lovino and she doesn't remind me of him...didn't she mention having a sister once? I don't know...

"Hey (sweetie)" Daisy took a seat, hugged Dad, and smiled at me and Mattie.

"Alfred. How are you? It's been such a long time since I've seen you! And how are you Matthew?"

"I'm fine." Mattie told her.

"Yeah, I'm good too..." I didn't want to lie but what was I supposed to say? 'I'm terrible?' No. I couldn't ruin this happy little dinner with my problems...

"That's great! Did you all order yet?" She looked around.

"Not yet, we were waiting for you." I noticed the way my Dad looks at her, it's different than how he looks at Mom or anyone else I know and I know that look, I know how he feels: that's probably the same look I give to Arthur when I see him. I sighed. Arthur. I don't even know why I like him so much, or why he's so attractive to me. I wish I didn't feel this way about him, I wish I could stop wanting to see him so badly, following him, staring at him, wanting him and all the rest of that cliché bullshit-I want to stop so badly but...

I love him.

I love him but I don't want to be gay or whatever it is I am...

"Al?" I zoned out.

"Huh?"

Mattie frowned .

"Are you ok?"

"I'm cool bro." I forced myself to smile.

"You sure?"

"Yeah..."

"What do you want on your pizza Alfred?" Dad asked. Pizza isn't really what I planned to eat, but I guess we were getting some family sized ones or something.

The waitress was there standing over us. She couldn't have been much older than I was and she was pretty: curly hair, large chest, about average height, about average in weight and I wanted to like her but...I just couldn't. I told myself she'd be prettier if her hair was short, choppy and blond, if she had green eyes, a English accent-if her chest was flatter and if she had a dick-if she was Arthur.

"Um...I dunno...I'm good with whatever..." I shrugged.

"Um...we can have another half pepperoni, half cheese..." Mattie told her. She nodded, wrote something down, and walked away.

"Alfred?" Dad raised one of his eye brows. "Are you ok? What's wrong?"

Don't you hate it when people ask if you're ok? It makes everything worse and I know that it does-just like that time with Feliks. Damn. Why am I such a fuck up? Feliks was nothing but nice to me and I was a jerk to him...

Talking to him about my problems was great and it was the best I've felt in a while-I need to talk to him. I could really use a friend about now...

"I'm good..." I didn't want my voice to crack, I tried to keep it low...

I wanted to turn attention away from myself, I wanted to hold my tongue because I didn't want my word vomit to spill out, not again, not now.

But they didn't change the subject. They were worried about me. What could I do? I forced myself to smile, blamed it on my hunger, and thought of something to say: I told them about my 'girlfriend'

I wanted to come out of the closet, I really did but...

Not now. I just couldn't afford the chance that they would reject me too...

[Arthur]

"What do you want Francis?" I sighed. Why must that dumb Frog call me every day? Surely he had someone else to bother: Antonio and Gilbert namely. Were they not some sort of trio? He should be calling them instead of me. I don't care about his reasons, I'm tired of him, and his attempts to meddle in my personal life!

I'm still rather upset about him discovering my 'crush'- as some would call it-on Kiku. Why does he feel as if it's his business to know and to 'help' me?

"Why must you be so mean? I'm only trying to help you get the one you desire!" I rolled my eyes. Why did I even answer my phone? I sighed as a laid back on my bed. I wanted to read or perhaps play a game of some sort, mind you I actually do have a life full of wonderful hobbies, but of course every single time I find time to myself spare time, which is becoming more and more rare thanks to my brothers, Francis feels the need to call me.

Where was Antonio? Where was Gilbert?

"Why do you always call me?" I asked him. The ceiling was more interesting than I originally gave it credit for...

"What do you mean? I call you because we are friends." He replied. I sighed. I never once called him _my _friend-at least I don't think.

"Don't you have other friends to bother?"

"..." Did I hurt his feelings? "Are you busy?" He asked me.

"No." I sighed. "I just wanted to know if you bother Antonio and Gilbert this much..."

"...I call them everyday..." He replied. For some odd reason that statement didn't sound as truthful as it should. Why would he lie?

"Then when do you find the time to call me?"

"I never said we talked..."

"What?" What? What on earth was he on about now? They didn't talk? They hung out together all the time at school...I guess when Antonio isn't with Lovino...or Gilbert with Ludwig or um...that other person he hangs out with, Matthew was it? He's Alfred's kinder, sweeter, and overall better, brother. How could that nice lad be related to him?

"They tend to be busy when I call them." He informed

"I see..." I sigh. "Well, is there anything in particular that you wanted?"

"Nothing much, I just wanted to know if you've spoke to Kiku..." I rolled my eyes.

"Why?"

"About the movies, you do want him to show up don't you?"

"He said he was coming..."

"Really?" He sounded shocked. "Well...that's great. I'm glad he could make it..."

"Mhmm..."

Someone opened my door, whatever happened to knocking?

"Hi Artie!" Owen greeted me. Dear Lord what is it that he wanted? "Oh! Are you on the phone?" He whispered. What was the point of doing that now? I simply nodded and yet he continued on:

"Mom says to come downstairs, we're going to put up our holiday stuff!" He was bouncing with excitement and I suppose I could understand why, decorating the house for Christmas together turned into some sort of Kirkland family tradition over the years. It was fun.

"Alright. I'll be down in a moment."

"Hurry or Dylan and Peter will eat all the candy from you." He left the room. There had better be candy left when I get down there.

"Franics?"

"Oui?"

"I must be leaving now..."

"What? Already?"

"Yes. We're preparing to put up the decorations for Christmas and such..." Dad must have taken out his old Christmas record, I could hear the music playing from my room and I would be lying if I said it didn't bring a smile to my face.

"I understand then...I'll talk to you tomorrow? Don't forget about the movie!"

"Yes, yes I know. I'll be there. Goodbye."

"Bye..." I hung up the phone, but not before hearing a faint sigh from his end of the line. I tucked my phone in my pocket and began down the steps into my living room where boxes cover the floor and the smell of pine and plastic filled the air. I simply adored this time of year.

"It's about time you got here Artie. Help us untangle the lights." Alistair demanded. I rolled my eyes but set a bundle of lights on my lap beside Owen as Peter dug through the boxes looking for something or other and Dylan...did...whatever it was he was doing with that tinsel. Owen began to hum our favorite jingle and I unintentionally joined him only to have Dylan begin singing the words loudly and off key with the man on the record and Alistair complain to him about how awful he sounded, but when challenged to do better declined, thus Dylan continued on with Peter. Mom and Dad laughed and joined in on a few songs. Dad cooked dinner and we talked about our plans for tomorrow, putting up our yard decorations sometime, what we wanted for Christmas, our daily lives and the like.

"I started taking biology classes and we learned about genes and I figured out why Owen has brown hair and we all have blond or red..." Peter began.

"Because he's adopted?" I asked.

"I'm not adopted!"

All and all, it was a lovely night. We continued to decorate after dinner...

[Francis]

Sigh.

I sat in my room with nothing to do. Antonio was busy, Gilbert was busy, and now Arthur was as well.

My mother, bless her heart, is nowhere to be found. She left a note and money on the kitchen counter of our apartment informing me that she would be out for the evening , for me to order food of some sort, and to keep myself occupied-yesterday.

Arthur was with his family putting up decorations for the holidays, I wonder when, or if, we'll put ours up. I doubt we brought anything like that from France however-we left in such a hurry.

I got out of bed and wrapped a blanket around myself for warmth-its far too cold in here. I began toward the living room and flipped on the television; nothing was on. There was nothing to do, nothing to eat, and no one to talk to. I tried to send Antonio another message but he did not respond until late-after I drifted off into sleep wrapped to keep myself warm in the dark of my mother and mines small, cold apartment. I longed for the life I had before, the life in Paris with my mother and father before his affair or even the one before that in America as happy grade schooler...

If I didn't cry then than when would I?

Surely I could not tomorrow: I would be with all of my friends. I would need to keep happy. My friends depended on me did they not? They needed me-or at least I wanted them to. I made their problems mine-I don't know why, but probably to distract myself from my own, so that when I closed my eyes my mind would be filled with purpose and friends...

At least until I hear my mother stumble in at nine in the morning...

[Alfred]

Last night, my Mother was furious. I wasn't here when she came home and she claimed to have been worried because I promised her family time. I wanted to tell her that I did have family time: with my Dad and Brother (and probably soon to be Step Mom.) But I didn't. I didn't say anything. It was her fault she wasn't around and I wasn't in the mood.

The car ride home was tense because everyone knew there was something wrong with me and yet, for some reason, I didn't mind. It was better than being at home when my own Mother, the woman who I lived with and raised me, couldn't tell I was in trouble- Or maybe she wanted to ignore it for as long as possible. Maybe she was given advice not to speak about it or perhaps she just didn't know what to do. I don't know and probably won't-but I do know that I wanted someone to talk to and the only person I had I pissed off by being an asshole. I tried to call him last night but he didn't pick up-as I expected.

So I did the next best thing.

It wasn't too late when I called, but Toris goes to bed early so I felt bad when he picked up sounding half asleep.

"Alfred?"

"Hey...Uh...sorry were you asleep?"

"It's ok...Its winter break..." He yawned. "What's up?"

"Yeah...uh...I've been an ass lately..." I sighed. "Sorry about that..."

"Oh. Yeah...it's ok..." I wonder if he even heard what I said.

"Yeah..." I really didn't know what to say. "I messed up didn't I?"

"Messed up?" He sounded confused and tired. "Did you get expelled?"

"No. I made Feliks mad at me..."

"Yeah. He said something about that..."

"Do you think he'll be mad for long?"

"I don't know." He yawned. " Feliks really hates being ignored but he's pretty quick to forgive and forget um...I guess if you talk to him and explain what's wrong and things would be okay between you..."

He made it sound like we were together or something. "What's going on anyway? Feliks told me about today and yesterday happened..."

"Just a few home problems...it's alright."

"Does it have to do with those woman your Mom's been with?"

"Kind of...how do you know about them?"

"They came to my door today and wanted to speak to my Mom but she wasn't home. So they gave me this card with someone's number on it I think her name was Jill-"

"Jillian?" I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah. They told me about 'the truth' and to invite my Mother out to church with me..."

"Really? "

"Yeah. It was a bit weird and I told my Mom and she just told me that they were probably a cult. You should tell your Mom to be careful..."

"She won't listen, she's really into them..."

"She shouldn't be ignoring you in favor of them..."

"Yeah..." I sighed. "I just don't know what to do..."

"Maybe you could talk to her again? Or maybe you should talk to your Dad or something...I'm sorry but I really don't know..." Yeah. I don't know either...

"But anyway-Feliks won't even answer my calls or anything. How do I talk to him?" I changed the subject. It was more comfortable than the one we were just on but still just as weird

"Hmm...I can try to talk to him for you if you want. Do you want me to text him? Or we could have three way..."

Ok. I know that you'll think I'm immature but...considering all that's happened I think I have the right to find him saying that a bit...creepy...o-or...hot. Whatever don't judge me!

"N-No. You can text him...I don't want him to get mad..."

"Alright..."

Toris texted him and apparently got a quick reply but as predicted he didn't want to talk to me-not even for me to say sorry.

I talked to him for a while longer about Christmas and what we'd do but I knew he was tired so I let him go not too long after but before he went to bed he suggested that I go to his house and I wondered if he knew what he was saying because he then went on to say something about returning a gift to Ivan and running over there (though in retrospect I do remember him needing to return it.)

I asked him where he lived and he gave me a pathetic list of directions but said that his door was red.

That's when I knew I needed to let him sleep .

So now I'm standing here and all these apartments look the same. They're pretty big but there's no real variation and I was afraid of getting lost because I'm not sure if I could trust Toris' half conscious instructions. I knew that a few blocks from my house were the apartment complexes but I've never had the need to go to one of them until now.

Which one of these houses was Feliks'?

I continued walking through the snow and by the time I found which one was his I couldn't really feel my fingers or my toes, or anything of the nature.

Like Toris said the door was red as opposed to white or black like the other ones so I guess it shouldn't have been too hard to find.

His last name was the first one listed on the side of the door so rung the doorbell.

I sighed and wondered why I was even here. I could have been sleeping in but instead I was up and out at 11 ringing the doorbell of a guy who I didn't know all too well but was ready and willing to spill my entire life story too, if he'd listen.

It didn't take too long for the curtain to pull back and Feliks to peek his head out.

He lived on the first floor and the window was actually more of a door which led to a small porch with tables and chairs on the covered in snow. His hair was disheveled and he had something in his mouth, he looked tired but when he saw me...

He glared.

He glared at me and I tried to smile but he left the window and didn't answer.

I stood out there for at least two more minutes before I rung the doorbell again only to gain no reply.

I sighed. I knew what he was doing-ignoring me. I guess I deserved it but I was trying to say sorry!

"Feliks! Open up!" I called. But he didn't answer. "Feliks!"

"Go away!" I heard him yell though the door, I guess that was better than nothing.

I sighed. I guess I really did deserve this, but I wanted to say I was sorry and stupid, I wanted him to forgive me.

I didn't go away.

"Can you at least open the door? I just want to talk..." He didn't answer, so I waited. I wasn't sure what I was expecting. I didn't hear anything inside and I didn't see him pull back the curtain either.

I just waited.

I could be just as stubborn as he could.

I sighed and watched my breath disappear more times than I wanted to count, wiped my nose on my gloves, and tried to move my fingers and toes for at least fifteen minutes before I pulled out my phone-I didn't even want to look at the time. I pulled up my messages and just decided to start typing and even though I wanted to write some sort of long text explaining myself I could only think of one thing.

_Me (11:48AM): I kissed a girl, it was pretty gross_

I couldn't feel my legs so much when the door finally did cracked open a few minutes after that and hot air hit me.

I turned to Feliks who didn't meet my gaze, he fixed himself up a bit but still wore his pajamas, and he sighed.

I didn't know what to say. But I was sorry and I more than ever I just needed a friend.

I took a few steps toward him and he looked at me. I remembered the reason I came here-I needed to talk and sort out all these weird feelings that I've been feeling and how confused I was.

"I think I like kissing boys more..." I told him. He finally looked at me.

"Is that a problem for you?" He asked coldly. I shrugged.

"I don't know..." He glared at me once more.

"Come in..." He mumbled. I silently thanked him before entering his apartment, the first one of the right, for the first time.

It was warm and really homey-with shoes by the door and furniture that matched. Everything was clean and there were pictures all around. I could see one of , what I presumed to be, his family, some old black and white photographs, newer ones of things, like Feliks with a middle school diploma, pictures taken with Toris at the beach and other things like that, and to be honest I was jealous.

I didn't have that: pictures of my best friend hanging alongside portraits of my family or ancestors-because I didn't have a best friend.

I'm sure somewhere we have pictures of my class that happen to have Arthur in it, or us together playing but nothing to be put on display.

I have football team pictures and club photos, things with my Mom and pictures with Mattie or Dad and although I love them all-I guess having a friend considered to be family would have been something nice to have, y'know?

Having a best friend would be something nice to have...

"Here..."

He held the cup out toward me. I took of my gloves and stuffed them into my coat pocket.

"Coffee?"

"Tea..."

I didn't like tea, but beggars and be choosers right?

I took the cup and smiled, or at least I think I did.

Everything was quiet as I took my first sip and felt my body warm up. It didn't taste like normal tea, it was pretty sweet and I liked it, I looked around and noticed there was a set of steps leading upstairs so I figured it was more of a condo-like-place with two floors. I looked at Feliks who was practically glaring at me. His face was turned down into a pout and his arms were crossed in a defensive position, he tapped his foot impatiently and I knew I should start talking.

"Uh...Feliks-"

"What?" He said harshly. I almost jumped. My heart beat faster in my chest and I took another sip, and another and another until there was nothing left-I had no more time to stall.

"Uh..." I sighed. "I'm sorry..." I pushed it out. "I'm sorry I've been such an asshole..." I didn't really know what else to say. It was quiet and he looked like he was thinking something over but that was it. I started to feel even worse. I didn't want to lose him as my friend, this is the same way I lost Arthur-because I couldn't stop caring about what everyone thought about me.

I looked at him, almost pleading him to forgive me silently.

"You done with that?" He took the cup away from me, walked into the kitchen and I followed.

"C'mon! What do you want me to say?" I asked.

"Nothing. Just like, go away. You made it pretty clear who you'd rather be friends with so, like, leave." He didn't sound as mad as I thought he would. More like sad. "I can't help you with your problems..."

"No. C'mon dude don't say shit like that..." I kicked the air. "I made a stupid mistake I just...I didn't want them to know y'know?"

"Know what? That we were friends?" Were being the key word here.

"What? No! Know that I'm..."

"You're...?"

"Y-Y'know. I don't gotta say it..."

"..."

He was going to make me say it. Admit that I liked Arthur, that I liked guys! Admit what I've known already for a while...

"I'm gay..."

The sound of the water shut off and to be honest I didn't realize it was on. He set down the cup and turned toward me but I didn't want to meet his gaze. I could hear him approach and his I felt his hand pat my head.

" I know it's not easy on you but denying that you like guys and ignoring the people who want to help you...um...it isn't, like, the best way to handle the situation Alfred..." He seemed to be struggling to give advice but I understood. He wasn't too well versed in the concept of helping people but he wanted to help me and I should be grateful-and I was. I really really was.

"I know..." He sighed.

"...Do you want another cup?" He was still holding the cup in his hands but it was now wet and clean. I looked up at him and he gave me a small smile. I guess all was forgiven?

Without really thinking much about it I kind of launched myself at him and gave him a really awkward hug now that I look back on it-but he didn't push me away so that was a good sign but at the time I was too happy to care because I realized that I had a friend. Someone to accept me for the person I was and wouldn't hate or judge me for it-something I hadn't had in a while and ...well it just made me happy.

I didn't think about what I did next.

"Like, Jesus Alfred I wish you wouldn't catch me off guard like that! I, like, nearly just dropped mmmmmmmm-" I'm pretty sure he was going to 'drop my cup' if I hadn't...y'know, kind of kissed him.

Yeah I told you guys I wasn't thinking about what I did. But since Wednesday afternoon I've been thinking about that kiss. I mean when you think about it-it was my first. I've never kissed anyone before him and to be perfectly honest: it was pretty damn nice.

I remembered how nice it felt and how natural it was, unlike the awkward kiss I gave Amelia.

I felt my heart beating fast and, although it didn't last long at all, I felt him kiss me back before pulling away.

It was funny. I don't think I liked him and I know I didn't like Amelia but for some reason the first time we kissed, and now this time again. I think I swooned (y'know, not that I would ever use that silly word!)

Anyway.

I pulled away from him and he was completely red. Awkward silence I guess is prone to follow awkward kisses...

"Uh...so...um...we still cool?" I asked, how many times am I allowed to say the word awkward?

"Well...I guess we can be..." He chuckled. "Anyway. I'm totally going to get more waffles..." He turned around.

"Uh...Feliks..." I wondered what he was thinking. He acted like he didn't mind but... "I'm uh...sorry about that...I don't mean to...y'know make anything weird..." I struggled to say what I wanted to say to him. I wasn't even sure myself what I wanted to do but it didn't really amount to anything more than awkward pieces of words mashed together, not like my usual word vomit but...I guess the opposite?

"I mean...I know how you feel about Toris and uh..."

"T-Toris? Like, don't worry about it Alfred...Toris and I aren't going to happen ..." He added sounding bitter. "I mean it's kind of weird but...it's ok right?" He turned toward me. "I mean is it ok, uh...that...I mean you like someone too and...um...I-it is weird..." He seemed like he was struggling too and I nodded.

"Okay..." We came to some sort of mutual agreement and I guess it would have been weird to anyone on the outside of things and hell it was even strange to me but somehow it just happened...

And for some reason I was fine with that.

This whole situation: going to his house, begging to forgiveness, wanting to be his friend. These were all thing I've never done before but should have done with Arthur. I didn't try hard enough with him so I'd be damned if I didn't try harder with Feliks as strange as the whole things was...

I've never really had real friends, none since Arthur...

I just felt so happy at that moment...

"A-Alfred? What's wrong?" I didn't know it at the time. But I began to tear up. I shook my head, trying to hold it all in.

"Are you sure?" I shook my head. I knew I wasn't alright and I knew that I couldn't hold it in anymore-I've been doing that for too long and if I tried more...

I don't know what would happen to me.

So when I opened my mouth...I just told.

I told him about dinner last night ,and how I went about getting a girlfriend to fit in, how my so called friends provoked me, that Francis was bent on teasing me, how I didn't want to eat, how my Mom hasn't noticed, how she's spent so much time catering to that crazy cult that I feel as if she's abandoned me...

We sat in his living room and he just let me talk to him. It just all came out at once...

"Alfred..."

I felt him reach behind me, for the table behind the couch and I tried to maneuver so he could grab whatever it was he needed back there and finally he held up a box of tissues. He set it down between us and sighed. I felt my glasses slip off my face and something, probably tissue being patted over my eyes.

"I'm like, not really good with dealing with people who cry..." He told me with a nervous sounding laugh. "Please don't cry..."

I wanted to stop being I couldn't. I also hate it when people say 'don't cry' it makes you cry more! I wasn't making any of those gross sobbing whale sounds I was just cried. My body shook and breathing got heavy, I tried to talk but whenever I did I could feel my voice trying to scream out. I didn't want to sound like a dying whale...

I shook my head, I tried to tell him that I would be alright and not to worry but I guess he couldn't understand me.

"It's ok..." I felt him grab my hand, he sat quietly with me until I finally calmed down.

He sighed and looked at the clock and he jumped.

"Shit...Like, I don't mean to sound rude or anything but...I shouldn't have company while my parents aren't home and..." I looked at the wall clock, it was around three. Have I really been over for so long?

"That's cool dude. I get it...um...are you allowed to leave?" I sniffed.

"Yeah. I usually go to Toris' house when I'm alone so..."

"Do...you want to hang out?"

"Sure, like, what do you want to do?"

" We could play some video games... or something..." At that moment I realized: I've never invited anyone over my house before and this was awkward. I don't even think he liked videogames. What did he like anyway?

"Ok...You'll have to give me a minute to get ready but we could, like, hang out..."

He stood up.

"You can, like, wait down here and I'll be right back, k?"

"Yeah. It's not like I have another choice or anything..." I joked slightly.

"Yeah. Just stay out of trouble!" He winked at me and headed up the stairs.

It was a bit weird but...

"Oh wait!" He turned back around when I called him.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to go to the movies? Toris can come if he's not busy and...maybe Mattie or something..."

"Ok! We can see that new spy move that just came out!" He got excited and I smiled.

"I'll be back! Look up movie times, I'll call Toris!" He dashed up the stairs.

...This was become a really nice friendship...

* * *

I hope that was alright and didn't seem to rushed...

But finally...this is where things are finally turning up! Alfred going to the movies and so its Feliks and Francis and Arthur and whoa!

Wait! When did this happen?

hahahahah

Alright. Usually this is where I write some history but I don't have much time.

So this is copy and pasted straight from Wikipedia without any personal touch from me!

_**France–United Kingdom relations (from Wikipedia...bleh) **_

_Although the designation "Anglo-" strictly specifically refers to England, not the UK as a whole, modern intergovernmental relations between these two nations are habitually called **Anglo-French relations** and understood to refer to the UK and not only England. The term **Franco-British relations** is also used._

_Early Franco-British interactions occurred before Caesar's invasion of Gaul, when the two regions were inhabited by loosely trading Celts fighting the Romans as a common enemy. They continued under theRoman Empire – as both modern day states were ruled from Rome. Both were provinces in the larger Roman Empire._

_Recently relations have been cordial and cooperative, with an edge of wariness on both sides due to historical differences and more recent disagreements between two of the leaders of the two countries: formerFrench President, Jacques Chirac, and former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair. French author Jose-Alain Fralon characterized the relationship between the countries by describing the British as "our most dear enemies". Tony Blair is regarded as being a francophile by the French media and the former French President Nicolas Sarkozy was known for his will to transform the "Entente Cordiale" into an "Entente amicale" (that is, a friendlier and closer relation)._

_Much of the two countries' histories has been defined by the relationship between the two countries. Today, both France and the United Kingdom are member states of the European Union (EU), and it is estimated that about 400,000 French people live in the UK, with approximately the same number of British people living in France _

**I'm sorry I'm stricken for time. I REALLY wanted to write about this because these countries have such a rich history behind them and a dry wiki article doesn't do it justice. **

**But it seems as if England and France have a complicated history. As the wonderful Jose-Alain Fralong put it-they are each other "most dear enemies" I'll let you think about it. **

**Until next time my dears! **


End file.
